Brandon Marshall's Comeback Story

00:00:09 Speaker 1: Welcome back everyone to another episode of Comeback Stories. I'm here with my man, Donnie Starkins. We have an amazing guest here today, one that has inspired me by the way he plays the game. He played the game of football, and also by the way that he has asserted himself off the field. We have a thirteen year NFL veterans, six time Pro bowler, but to us that with me and Donnie Love, he's been a true voice for mental health and he's really established and paved away for athletes to have purpose outside of football. Please welcome Brandon Marshall to the show. Brandon, great to have you, man, Bro. I mean, listen, you're playing, you're active. Um, stay right there, don't try to take my job. Why are you doing this media thing? And the way you introduce introduced me this is like you're James Brown. It's like you've been doing this for five years, legendary Donnie, come on, man, let's let me focus on the field. I need my gig. Hey, we'll do the hell of a job. Both of you guys are doing hell of a job. Well, we'll get into this because I heard this in your story. Just being proactive and a big piece of me working with athletes and specifically Darren is it's about finding purpose beyond the sport and using football as the platform. But we all know it's it's gonna end one day. And part of my story is when baseball college baseball ended for me, I was a lost soul and it sent me down a dark, dark road of addiction and it almost killed me. So my mission is to help you know that the athletes find their their purpose beyond the sport. And Darren's got some positive momentum flowing for sure, no doubt. Well we'll get into I have a deeper connection than then you may know, Brandon. To you, I feel like we can start with this now. Yeah, I U When I was really struggling. Um, my mom sent me the football life episode of your story. This was two thousand seventeen maybe, and she was and I was really bad. I was really down back, my mental health was terrible, like I was in the midst of addiction. And my mom sence to me, she said, I saw this and I really thought of you, and I rewatched it again last night and it impacted me almost the same way it did before, just seeing you and kind of the similarities the way that you stepped out into the world, the way that you took a break from the world, the fact that you went to McClean Hospital, and McClean hospital was where I went to detox, and I ended up going to McClean Boarding Cottage in Maine, but I went to that McClean detox in Boston. It's just like the similarities from our stories. And you stepped out and we're a voice for mental health, and I've kind of stepped out and been a voice for addiction in the NFL, and it's just like all those things coming together. It's just a great, a big gratitude moment for me to have you on here. And I know it maybe deeper than you may have realized. I just wanted to express that gratitude to you out the gate. I was gonna wait till the end, but I'm like, don't forget it, but we might as well dive right then. Bro, Like, I got tears in my eyes. Yeah, I'm not bullshitting, you know, I'm not a bullshit I got tears in my eyes listening to you say that, because you know, what we do and what we champion is hard, right, and because not everyone makes it, not everyone has that comeback story, like myself being able to bounce back and go on to continue my career and do some amazing things post career, you know in your story, super dynamic, super complex, super inspiring, you know. And so it's it takes me back to twenty eleven when I was on the campus of McClean Hospital and when I first realized that my purpose was to help bridge the gap in the mental health community. Like what you just said is what I envisioned. In two thousand and eleven. I stood in front of the world bro when I left McClean Hospital and I said, look what I just went through. Like I had no clue that there was help for someone like me. I had no clue that if I did the work, that I would actually be able to live a healthy, effective life. Right right, me having access to McClean Hospital and getting the help that I need not only you know, transform my life, but I knew it was going to be able to trans help transform other people's lives. Like there was no faces to it, there was no voices to it, you know, not at that level. You know, the Rock didn't come out and talk about depressure and give me lavado didn't come out and talk about what she was struggling with. Right, There was no Kanye West, there was no other athletes and artists. You know, they had major platforms sharing, you know, in a very unapologetic way, in a very vulnerable state, what they actually experienced and what they were dealing with. Right, So for you to be able to, you know, uh, you know share that with me, you know, it really gives me more fuel to keep going. But I mean we're in this space now, bro where you know, we started the conversation a long time ago now, and I wasn't the first doors other people before people doing amazing work in this space. But now like you are the guy right, like you you are like you are the face right, So for me to be able to sit back and say, look, I did my job. Now Waller's going to take it distance, right, and then when he's done, he's going to pass it to the next athlete, the next artist, or the next politician or whoever has a platform. Like that's what it's supposed to be, That's what what's supposed to happen. Wow, that's powerful. Yeah, Like I'm just like I'm like about to start sweating, man, Like this is like powerful because yeah, you really are a pioneer to pave the way, and it's on us to keep passing on to generations because this is really about freedom. This is really about enjoying and appreciating life. Because you know, in the beginning of that episode you talked about how football is. You know, this is not success, like you know, and I haven't written right here. Uh, it's like success is just being a world changer. Football. It's my platform, not my purpose, and I feel like that's where the freedom lies for us, Like we play football is an activity that can be fuel it can provide the resources that we need to really impact the world in our own way. But you know, it wasn't cool for people to step out and express the way that we were feeling things that we were thinking, to say that we were weak and needed help. But to be for you to set that example, uh for me, and I hope to set that example for people coming along, like because I want guys to like survive past the game. I want guys to like know that they have so much more to give to life and to people into this world after the game, because a lot of guys don't really necessarily believe that, So, yeah, it's on us. Sometimes I don't even really know the weight of that sometimes as I go through my day and go through the things I have to do. But you know, you saying that definitely reinforces that in my mind and I appreciate that. Yeah, I mean it goes back to how we started too, you know. I you know that that's the question that we need to ask everybody, what is your purpose? Like, you got to be able to define that, And I think it's extremely harder to find that. And you're when you're a teenager, that feels like it's impossible. When you're in your twenties, you know, it's it's it's it's hard to define that. But you have to ask the question. You have to look yourself in the mirror every single day and ask what is my purpose? How do I make the world better? Right? And it wasn't until I was at McClean Hospital where I was able to define that. Football doesn't define me, right, And that is the challenge with a lot of US athletes. Like when I looked at it, bro like, I'm like, man, every Sunday in the fall, I'm playing in front of seventy eighty thousand line, there's another three four million tune then watching sometimes ten million if it's Sunday Night football, Thursday night football, Monday night football. Right, we're able to get hundreds of millions of impressions in hours. If we score a touchdown, then we're standing at the podium and then we say what, like, what's your message? Like that's cool, bro, Like I've been done playing for three years. I missed the locker room, I missed those conversations, I missed playing ping pong in the locker room. I missed the competition. I missed the competition. But I'm not missing a beat right now because I know, man, like I'm walking in my purpose, Like I'm fulfilled now more than ever when then when I was playing ball, because I'm in my purpose. Man. So like, you know, this conversation is a big one. Your platform is needed, you know, because we got to educate our guys that man. Like, Look, there's a hundred avid one hundred million Avid football fans every Sunday, every day. You have an opportunity to push that traffic to some community or something. What is it? It could be cancer, it could be you know, education, you know, it could be you know, police brutality, and but you can be Mick Mainol and actually celebrating you know, our men and women who serve. Right, But what are you doing with your platform? Because it's going to be taken away and you still have so much life to live. So um, this is a big conversation man, And now I'm really thankful that you called me to join the show. Yeah, man, absolutely, I think all of us know that it took us all a while for us to figure out purpose and to figure out why we're here. And it took a lot of failing. It took a lot of living in order to paint the picture for that. I love to go back to, you know, what was it like grown up for you? I remember the opening scene of you being outside the house in Pittsburgh and talking about what it was like growing up there. Can you paint that picture for us? Yeah? Man, product of my environment, that's the first thing that I think about. You know, where I come from the poorest county in all of Pennsylvania. My father was a drug dealer, you know. He ran drugs from you know, all over Pennsylvania and New York down to Miami, you know. But that's all he knew. His father was murdered and killed a nine years of age when he was nine. You know, he moved out of his house when he was fifteen. You know, he had football, he was a legendary quarterback and where we come from, but he had to survive. And you know that's what he saw is his only opportunity, which a lot of people where we come from see as as their opportunity. So I grew up in a very you know, volatile environment. I grew up in a very invalidating environment. And see these key terms. These are the terms you learn when you go through therapy, right, validation, Like as a man of football player, Like what the hell we about validation? Like what what does that word? What does that mean? But that's where I come from. So when you take me back to Pittsburgh, Bro, that's what I think about. I think about the violence. I think about, you know, how tough it was. And so like a lot of the ideology, like the root of what I think my diagnosis come from is me being a product of my environment. If I'm being honest, man, like I didn't know how to cope and and deal with um, you know, all the stressors of the of my household, all the stressors of the community. You know, the only thing I knew is how to survive. So, you know, when I think about Pittsburgh, bro, I think about what everything I had to overcome, And I think it's important for us to have these conversations about where we come from and how do we how do we let go of our belief system how we see the world, because when you're two to three, those belief systems start starts to form, and we believe like, oh, this is how I view women, this is how I view you know, uh stress, this is how I view you know. You know, challenges amongst men, like how do we do I look at another man and say I'm sorry, you know? Or do I try to act tough? Right? So, um, Pittsburgh is one of those areas, man that you know, I'm really thankful for gave me the things that I needed to be super successful, but it also gave me a lot of my weaknesses. Yeah, you talk about those things that impact our belief system. Are there any distinct memories of pain from early on in your childhood that really affected the way that you cope with the world or that you deal with certain situations, Like could you pinpoint any one in particular in retrospect. But growing up in that environment, like it was all survival, Like I thought this stuff was normal. You know, that's the most that's the that's the best thing about therapy, man, is like you know why it matters And I'll get to your answer to your question. Yeah, But sitting at McLean Hospital literally for three months bro every day Monday through Friday, eight to five, like I literally had to pull back one layer, feel whatever that was, sit with it, talk through it, work through it, and peel back the next layer. I had no clue that, you know, I was dealing with, you know, resentment, and had no clue that I had abandonment issues, had no clue what I was dealing with. Right, So you have to do the work because a lot of us are suffering in silence. A lot of us are living in a way that we don't even know that our behavior is wrong or what we're feeling or what we're dealing with. There's a solution to that if we actually do the work. We sit there and actually think that this is life. So for me, I would say, you know, if I had to pinpoint one thing a weakness, it's really you know, controlling my emotions. Right like, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. The best way to describe that, it's emotional disorder. You know, somebody jump on this on this podcast right now, say the craziest things, the wildest things to us. We all get upset, we all get hot. Someone living with borderline personality disorder that's not treated. You know, it may take me longer to get back down the baseline. You guys may be cool, Oh damn, that was a jackass. This person is not a good person. This person, you know, obviously is something's wrong with them. And then you guys can jump back on the podcast and move forward. Well, me ten years ago or twelve years ago, right like, I may be hot for four hours, you guys moved on, move forward, and then you have me still here hot, y'all like Brandon, what's wrong? Like, you know, let's move forward, and I'm like, no, man, Like, I'm still carrying that sue. Some people may take them three days. Sometimes it may take them a week or two. Right So for me understanding how to control my emotions, you know, how to navigate through any stressors, how to get myself back down the baseline. So I think about that, like I think about like how I dealt with conflict. I think about, you know, how I you know, I had to protect myself to survive, because that's all it is. Right, Like, say somebody say something to you and you feel like you gotta be strong and you gotta you know, protect your territory. That's what happens when you grow up in no type of environments, right, Like, if I show any signs of weakness, like I'm done, you know. And I think that's a challenge for most men who may not even grow up in that area. Because as a man, we're taught to mask pain. We're not taught to say, whether it's in football, hey my ankle hurt, no play through it. As a man, you know, we're not taught to look at our significant others and say you hurt my feelings. As a man, we're not even taught to look at another man and say you hurt my feelings. Me and pac Man Jones had this conversation last night because I put out some content and it was him messing up a word and he hit me and he's like, bro, like you know, it was cool at first. He's like, I think that hurt my feelings, Like you know, I feel like you shouldn't have put that out. And we had this dynamic conversation as men right where I was like, Bro, like I actually a pre shite. You telling me the real not calling me, you know, masking it and anger, yelling, screaming at me, but telling me how you really feel. Most men don't even know what a feeling is. Right. So the biggest thing for me, Bro, is that my emotions being in those situations where I can sit back, I can process, I can think, all right, how do I make the situation better? What's happening right now? Having that emotional intelligence right, And I had to go to McClean hospital and go through dialectical behavior therapy, callingive behavior therapy, self assessment, mentalization therapy. That's what I was doing for five years, Bro, the whole off season, I mean for three months, the whole off season learning those things. I was in group therapy. I was doing one on one with the great doctor Gunderson, just to learn those things so I can actually move forward and have the skills and tools I needed to be able to just navigate through just normal life. Man. That's beautiful, as you talked about with your growing up in Pittsburgh. You talked about how you know they're there were strengths and weaknesses that have provided for you looking back, you know who who is your somebody you can look to as a teacher from that time that did instill a lot of good qualities in you that allowed you to to move forward and to do the good things that you were able to do in your early life. Could you could you highlight anyone m m, not not early, man, I didn't really have those examples of people that was doing it right right, Like I can't you know when I got to the when I got to college, yeah, you know, and I got to the NFL. Yes, the Rock Smiths of the world, the Bran Dawkins of the world. You know, some coaches, Tony Sperano, there are so many coaches, you know, the Todd Bowls of the world, so many other teammates. You know, people are like, man, this is you know, something's off here. You know you you you need you need some help, bro. You know the way you're you're you're you're dealing with some of these things is off. And I do want to go back to what you're saying from a weakness standpoint. I wrote this when I was at McClain hospital, right, And this is a great example of what I was trying to articulate earlier. Every time I piled back a later and I got to the root of something I would write, right, and I found that, you know, therapeutic for me. And I wrote, you know, my pain, my sadness gives me my strengths. My strengths ruined my mind, body and soul. I've been trapped all my life, not by man or cages, but by my own emotions. Where I've been while traveling inside myself can be summed up by one word, damn. And basically what I'm saying there, d is like the ship that made me, you know, one of the best wide receivers during my time. You know that that almost rage that I played with, the anger, that tenacity it made, It got me that fifty million dollar contract. It made me a beast, don't it feel? Literally? That was my nickname, beast martial. Right, But then I didn't have that switch to turn it off when it was like, okay, sixty minutes is upbeat. Now just calm down, take a deep breath and relax. Or on the field right, coach said something wild. Team, someone on the other side of the ball said something wild. Being able to navigate through that in a very professional way, right, And so those things made me the football player I was. But it was ruining, ruining relationships, you know, with my organization, with a few teammates, right, a few people in my inner circle. Right. So like that's what I had to learn. That's the that's the best way to describe, you know, those weaknesses. But damn bro like that made me a beast on the field. And and I think I talked about this in a football like my biggest struggle was when I left McLean Hospital how to navigate through that, right, Like I literally was like mister Monkins zen man where one day at Dolphins camp, I had coach, our defensive coordinator walk up to me and say, you know, hey, Brandon, are you on Are you on medicine? And I was like, no, I'm just meditating right now in the middle of practice, Like I was. So I was so zen that they thought I was on medicine. And I didn't know how to you know, turn it on, you know. So my first year back, that second year with the Dolphins, I didn't know how to go be mister beast. Actually, I said, I'm not using that name anymore. I said, I don't call me beast anymore. I'm done with that, and I started. They started. Then it was like the monster or some other bullcrafting. I was trying to navigate through that, but I didn't know how to get back to being that monster on the field, and it took me two to three years to figure that out. I struggled with that as well, finding that in between of like going out there and having that aggression, but also, you know, off the field, having that gentleness with myself, that compassion towards myself. And you know, Donnie, I know when I heard him talk about, you know, not the chains and not prisoned by man, you know, but you know himself, and you talk about it's not freedom for ourselves, it's freedom from ourselves. I love when you say yeah. And I think one of the questions that, well, you know, freedom to me is a state of mind, right, and I think, um, when we are able to get out of our own way. But I think for you, if I go back to your listening to your story, and one of the one of the questions we typically ask is what was the biggest thing holding you back? But it sounds what I hear what was holding you back was the being undiagnosed with this borderline personality disorder and not being able to understand why you can't regulate your emotions and why you don't have the tools necessary to come back to your center. And so would you say that was the biggest thing holding you back or was it something else? So um, A lot of times when we think about mental health, you know, there's you know, we think about the negative around it, right, And to me, when we get we're hit with a label, we get diagnosed, the first thing we think about is diminished capacity. And I don't think that's the case. The way I look I look at everybody, like you know, obviously there's different levels to what people are dealing with, but I look at my situation and so many others, like it's like, do you have the information to unlock your full potential? I just didn't have the information. There was no comeback, There was no podcast like you guys like you know, highlighting these things. It's there's a lot of people out there living with different things. There's a lot of people struggling. There's a lot of people don't have access to a McClain hospital. I don't know how much it costs you d but it cost me thirty thousand dollars a month to get the help I needed. That radically changed my life. And once they gave me that help and they opened up the doors, boom. Now look at where I'm at ten years, eleven years later. Right, So it's not one thing, right, I think it's like I was a product of my environment. There's a lot of people like you hear some of these stories. It's like, man, like, no wonder why, right, Like I'm not shocked at a lot of these stories. Like all you gotta do is go back to where they come from. Look at mom, look at dad, look at the neighborhood, look at how they grew up. Right. That's why we gotta start humanizing some of our athletes and artists, some people on these major platforms that being judged every single day, like do you know their story? Right? But then it comes a point like you can't control you can't control what happens to you, but you can control how you respond to it when you're an adult, right, And so when I was an adult twenty something years of age and I'm on ESPN and there's liken that Brandon Marshall who gets in trouble a kid Like that's what I had to look myself in the mirror and say, Okay, what am I doing? What is off here? What do I need to do to take control of my life? How do I respond to this? Right? And so I think the answer your question, it's about the information. Like I think that that was it, Like you're the right person sitting me down and me being open and vulnerable, just saying like, okay, how do I move forward? Like how do I be better? You know? So it's access, it's knowledge, man, And that's a great answer. I feel like we had a we had a guest sitting in this chair a few weeks ago, Brad Lee, and he was talking about belief systems and how we actually changed them. We were getting into the inneagram test. I don't know if you've ever taken that, but it just kind of connects the dots and where we adopt this. It's the ego. It's the false self or the admired self that we take on, and we usually take it on from age zero to seven, where all of our programming happens, and I'm an achiever. That's a number three on the Inneagram test. But what that did was when I took the test and it gave me the results, it gave me information and new information. And it was with that new information that we can actually uproot the old belief system and step into the true self, not the mask, not this this this mask we had to put on just to feel safe. And so and then when I hear about you, we're talking about parents and parenting and the information or the lack of information that they had, and so even just working with clients and they have these huge resentments towards their families, and it's like if you can understand that they were just doing the best they could with what they had, which wasn't near not even close to the information that we have now. So it's on us. It's an obligation to and it's it's we have to take this information and do something with it. It's like too much that's given comes great responsibility, and it's on us because we know more, and so how dare we not use the tools? That's right? That's right, I mean, and I'm glad that you brought that up because it's sometimes like I get surface level with it. But we talked, you know, you heard me say it earlier, you know, dropping that belief system right and looking at like, all right, how do I view the world? You know, because you say it from zero to seven, that's when you know when you're starting being shaped and form your belief system. At the age of two or three, a lot of those things are already setting in place because your mom or your community said this is what I what you should believe in, because this is what we believe in and what they told us to believe in. Right, this is how we deal with certain challenges and deal with certain situations, you know, and whatever that is. And I just think as men and women, grown men and women that can think for ourselves, we have to ask that. We have to ask ourselves those questions like who am I one? What do I believe? And why do I believe in this? And then you step into your true self. Man. I think that's a I think that's where it really starts. You know, we really got to question some things. Yeah, And I think that in order for us to ask those questions, it requires us to stop, Like a lot of people aren't willing to stop. We gotta feel like we gotta roll at all times. We gotta be accomplishing something, we gotta be working towards something. And it's clear in your story that you you stopped and you willingly said, hey, I need to go get some help. There was a point where I was like, you know, I was fighting for a long time, and I realized like, okay, like I need to go take this you know, thirty daytime out and get and get right. Because I've never chosen myself in the twenty five years prior. I've only gone off what people told me I should do, what success should look like. Um, you know, how I should show up in the world instead of who I am, and how I really should show up in the world, because really only I know. But a lot of people aren't willing to stop and create that time that three months stay change your life. But a lot of people are saying three months might have leave me feeling like I'm behind the eight ball or I can't I can't catch up if those three months are taken away. But really, that time invested in yourself really puts you in a position to do what you want to do and live how you want to live. But a lot of people are too fearful and anxious to want to do that or they can't. You know, I think that's the other side too, you know. Um, you know, like I go back to that, you know, almost one hundred thousand dollars invested into McClain hospital, you know, and getting the help that I needed that changed my life. And then also there's only one McClain hospital. Think about how many you know, hospitals and clinicians and doctors are out there that can actually help the But ninety million Americans out there that are living with something or suffering, suffering and silent, right, they can and there's only forty people in that group that I was in. You know, not a lot of people have access. And we were fortunate, and I was fortunate because I made it to the NFL, right, and then also the stigma around it. Right in the workplace. Now we're starting to see companies really embrace you know, mental health. You see Nike in the Bumbles of the world saying, hey, we're going to give our all of our employees a week off for a wellness break. Right. Those are things that we were discussing seven ten years ago, right, because if I go to my employer and I say, Hey, I'm struggling with substance abuse issues. Are I'm living with anxiety or depression or bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder? Right, I need some time. They're gonna look at you as a as a as a as a what They're gonna look at you as a liability or say, oh, we gotta let this person go. Right, Whether you play football or you work in corporate America, it's a liability. And so there's a lot of challenges. You know, it starts with the conversation, but there's still a lot of work that we have to do to get companies and communities to understand exactly what mental health is, how do we approach it, how do we deal with it, how do we talk about it? You know, But I'm excited about where we're at right now. Man, Like I never would have thought, you know, ten years later, that you know, your story would be so public and inspiring and saving so many lives. The name old Soccers of the world that Kevin loves of the world, the mar De Rosens of the world, the Simone Bios of the world. You know, Calvin Ridley opened up and said, I need, you know, to take some time off. Dak Prescott like, Bro, We're in a freaking amazing place right now, you know, but we still have a lot of work to do. I'm curious, Darren and I always talk about this, the practice of self acknowledgement. Do you ever take a step back and actually acknowledge the good work that you've done and the ripple effect that you're having on being an advocate in a voice for mental health? I'm aware of it, but no, right and I think that's one of the things that I have to do a better job of, is being presence and stop trying. I'm trying to build. Actually, I'll be honest with you. I look at my life as a sacrifice and this is this may be unhealthy. Uh, you might. You guys may need to give me some therapy right here, But I right, like you guys gonna talk about the ledge that what I want to say that, but you might, you guys may need to give me some therapy right now. But the way I look at my life is like, man, there's I feel like I'm part of the first right and there's so much work to be done that it's I find it challenging at times to sit back and reflect, and there's times where I have to fight my butt off to make sure that I continue to work out, I continue to meditate, I continue to do my talk therapy, right, I continue to eat the way I'm supposed to eat because all those things matter. I continue to surround myself with a tribe of people that I can lean on and do life with, because that matters as well. When you talk about mental well being, you know, I'm aware of it when these moments, like when I come on shows like this and Darren you say, bro, like you know, watching your football life, you know, it really helped me out. That's when I'm like, damn, Like it gives me an energy and a fuel to keep going. But I do need to do a better job of being present and creating space to be able to say, wow, look how far we've come, look at the work that we've done, and then shake that off and continue to move forward, because like, right now, I'm in this thing. I'm in the space of like, how do we tell these stories in Europe? You know? How do we tell these stories in Canada? Right? How do we create more podcasts and more platforms? You know, how do we do it? Live Strong and Lance Armstrong did creating commerce where they didn't have to go, you know, work their ass off to make you know, to raise millions of dollars to give back to the community. What they end up doing is they created a brand. They partner with Nike. Nike made billions of dollars off of that that yellow bracelet and that whole badge, Like a lot of us was wearing that stuff and didn't even know what it was. Well, if that, if there's thirty five million Americans that are living with cancer and they're they were able to come together and raise a lot of money but also create a business models that invested so much into the community. Why can't we do that when there's almost one hundred million Americans living with something or some type of diagnosis. Right, what kind of what kind of what kind of what kind of resources do we need to do that? Right? And it starts with galvanizing our community, making in the everyday conversation and sitting down with companies and brands and say, look, there's a lot of people out there that are super passionate about you know, mental health, whether it's anxiety, depression. They want to tell their stories. They want to support those companies, So how about we do the same thing. The blueprints already there. Look at Livestrong, look at Lance Armstrong what they were able to do fifteen twenty years ago. Powerful stuff. And I'm glad you're thinking that big and bringing up even Europe and going that big. I work. I have a coaching client whose family owns the soccer team in the Premier League and just talking about like implementing these types of conversations to that world where they are so much further behind and they're stoic and not not talking about emotions, not even going there. So yeah, we got we got big work to do, for sure. And I'm glad you're thinking that big and thinking worldwide, not just in the United States, because there's a lot of people, like you said, suffering in silence, and so just cool to see you thinking that big. Yeah, and it's on all of us right, Like we all need to get together, me, you, darren Naomi Simone, Kevin Love you know, and everyone else, the rocks of the world, like guys that came that stood up and told their stories. We need to come together because we were all a part of the first right, like we're gonna look back and like, oh, we were the ones that really started this conversation, ignited this conversation, galvanized the community, and really um placed it on the forefront of so many different discussions. So you know, we need to come together. Um. You know what happens now is, you know, we all go out there and we try to you know, launch our own norm profits, create our own programs, when when we should be doing it, saying you know, we're more powerful if it was one voice, one mission, you know, and we can still do our separate things, but we gotta we gotta create space where we're together a couple of times a year having these discussions. Absolutely, I'm I'm very intrigued by the way that you describe your life as a sacrifice, just a moment ago. And I love when people go from a place of you know, writing their comeback story, overcoming what they overcome, and then shifting into a place of being of service. It didn't take long for me to want to set up my foundation, and I want to ask you what was that transition, like from being like okay, like I'm starting to see some progress from what's been holding me back, and now I want to give to other people, like what was that process like and take us through you know what it was like to set up Project three seventy five and things like House of Athletes, like take us through the inspiration to be of service. Yep. So I was at McClean hospital in twenty eleven, believe it was April. It was the off seasons, the year to lock out during that year. You know, it actually gave me that space that offseason they take that time. But I was prepared and willing to stay six months, nine months or a year, you know, to get the help that I needed. So however long it took, I was willing to do that. I wrote this letter I never released to the NFL, just telling everybody's walking away from the game. Because there were some people that was in the program for six months, nine months to three years. So I didn't know how long it was going to take. But I said, you know what, this is more important than the football. I said me, the human is more important than the football player. I actually wrote this down right. I'm glad I didn't released it because it was it was a terrible letter. You know, I wrote it myself. I didn't let my publicist write it. So anyways, I'm on the campus of McClean Hospital, bro and like I said, group therapy one on ones with doctor Gunderson Monday through Friday eight to five, and then after that I would go to Rebox headquarters and train. You know, I have my team up there, like with my trainer and and and my videographers, because I filmed the whole thing, because I said before I left, I said, this is going to help somebody never released this documentary. I said, let's shoot. I don't know what the hell we're shooting, but it's going to help someone. So anyways, fast forward, halfway through my stay at McClain Hospital, I'm in self assessment. Self assessment is where there's seven eight of us sitting in a circle and we just talk about whatever we want to talk about. That's all we're doing. Yo, last night, that's happened. You know, this was going on my life. This is what I'm working through. Whatever you want to talk about, you know. And we don't do that a lot. We don't communicate, we don't talk, especially now because of social media. We think we know what's going we think we know what's going on in each other's lives because we see it on social but really we don't. So I'm sitting in the circle, this young lady sitting next to me, she's an insurance broker, and you know, she talks about, you know, how she starts cutting herself, self harming. I had never heard that before. I never knew people cut themselves. I never heard the term self harming before. And she had this bandage on her arm and blood was seeping through it, and so I'm listening to her story. I'm like, wow, you know this is this is this is some real stuff. So then there was a lady next to her who was an attorney, and she was talking about, you know, dealing with suicide ideation right and you know, just those stocks creeping up. And there was another lady next to her that actually tried to take her life the night before. She told her story. Right after that hour, we all got up. We walked into the parking lot, and I had this like out of body experience because I said, man, we just talked about suicide, we talked about self harming. I'm seeing blood seep through this bandage, and I'm about to go to rebox headquarters to go train this insurance Brooke was about to go back to the office. The attorney's about to go to court. You know, this student is about to go to class, and nobody knows what we're dealing with. Like I'm about to walk down this main street in Wall Film, Massachusetts, and people are gonna look at me like, oh, that's Brandon Marsha. Everything is okay. It's like, no, do you understand what I'm dealing with right now? Do you understand what the people in my group that what they're dealing with? And there's all these people amongst us, and they're suffering or suffering and silence and we don't know. And in that moment, I said, oh, let's start a let's start a foundation. So that's where it came from, was being in that group class and us walking out of that group after those stories and seeing all of us is going to you know, the parking lot, go back out to society like everything was cool, and I just thought about It's like, well, how many other people are suffering or suffering and silence and we don't know, Like, if you're not in this therapeutic state, if you're not at McLain hospital, you're not having those conversations. And I felt like where we were at, that where we were at during that time in the mental health community was where the cancer community was twenty twenty five years before, right. And you thought we talked about cancer back in the eighties and the seventy or seventies and the sixties, it was the big seed. They thought it was contagious, you know, people didn't know how to talk about it, right, And then you saw where they progressed to And I felt like it started there. It didn't matter how many how many hospitals we opened, didn't matter how much money we raised. If people don't even know that they're suffering, people don't even know what you know, They don't even know the signs and symptoms, Like what happens? What's the difference between a panic attack and a heart attack? Like the signs and symptoms are the same. But what do you do? What do you do if a teammate is going through a panic attack? How do you calm them down? What do you say? We don't know, we don't even know. We're not even in a position to say, oh, I think that's a panic attack. And then okay, if you can do that, now, what's the next steps? Right, so you know, our foundation was launched back then, it was really just to tell stories and highlight these conversations and teach people the signs and symptoms. And now I'm this phase that we're in now, I feel like over the last two years is actually about opening up hospital. It's actually about raising millions of dollars so people like you and I, you know, you know, don't have to invest thirty thousand dollars forty thousand dollars a month to get the help they needed. We need to hold Congress accountable. We need to walk the halls of Congress. We need to hold the insurance companies accountable, like why aren't we covering you know, brain and brain challenges and in mental health sicknesses the same way we do other sicknesses and weaknesses, other elements. There's a lot of work to do, tons of work to do. Sorry, I get passionate about this. I'm sorry. No. I love the fire and I love the way you describe that momentum. And it's amazing how we can go from, you know, being so consumed by the problem and the things that are holding us down, to not only being a part of the solution, but actually being the solution in certain cases like Project three seventy five being the blessing that helps people, that being the blessing that saved someone's life. You know, for me, like you talked about earlier, how much it costed, it was sixty five thousand dollars for a thirty day stay where I went to rehab. And I'm like, like you said, a lot of people may not even have access or the means to do these things. And so I'm like, Okay, I was afforded this gift. How do I continue to give this gift back? And I keep going back to how you talked about. You know, football is the is the platform. And it's like, because no amount of success on the field, Pro Bowls, thousand yard seasons, they don't give me that feeling that being able to change someone life or somebody coming up to me randomly saying that something that I said or something that I did changed their view, or challenging to think about some things differently, Like this is the real work. And it's like, yeah, we have so many things to do, but don't, like you said, it is stopping to acknowledge ourselves for what we're doing now along the way and trying to find that balance, which is something that I struggle with. Well, I don't think either of you two, or any of us really truly will ever understand the impact that we're having on this world. And I think we can keep striving, can keep serving, we can keep doing it, but if we never just take a step back to smell the roses or actually acknowledge the good work that we're doing, then we're still going to get to the end of our lives and say, man, I didn't even like stop and like enjoy it for a moment. So I think that's that's the practice. I mean, you guys are high performers, high high achievers, but I think we just can get hooked into that. And this all kind of circles back to that word freedom, where I feel like both of you guys are tapping into like a boundless sense of it, and maybe the only little missing piece is is the stopping and acknowledging and actually enjoying it. Because freedom is like getting out of your own way, being of service. We talk about it all the time and recovery where in the twelve Steps, like quickest way to get out of your own way is to go help somebody. If you're in a funk and you're feeling crappy about yourself, just go help somebody else, because then you're not thinking about yourself. So good and Donnie like, you know, we do need to be mindful in present and it's now just acknowledging the work that we've done and the cool things that we've done, but it's also like it's part of it should be a part of our daily practice, just uh meditation. I truly believe that we need that to be healthy. But to go back to this, this this whole discussion of our lives being sacrifices, I also think that you know, you know, you know us and so many others that are doing something the groundwork, you know, it's it's it's it's um, it's something honorable because we're planning. I heard this saying before, and I may chop it up a little bit, but what we're doing is we're planting. We're planting a tree, and we're never going to be able to and we know we're never going to be able to enjoy the shade. We're never going to be able to sit under the shade. The next generation or the generation after that is going to be able to enjoy the shade from the tree that we plant it back in two thou eleven, back in two and fifteen, back in twenty twenty, twenty twenty two. Right, And that's what gives me my jews is that like and altful, you know, aren't selfless enough to do that type of work, like we're doing real work. But it's almost like our selfishness is our selflessness, which I think is like a Gary V quote, but like being able to knowing that serving and where we can transmute our pain and our past into our purpose is really what sets us free. If I think about every so often some of the thoughts, so the things that I did in my past addiction, and just like the person that I was, will be like these little waves of shame. But all that shame goes away every single time if I just share my story and just go help, and it just it blows my mind that like the things that I did in my addiction can actually help somebody else today, and man, that is freedom. And when I start judging myself or or am in shame about some of those things, shame and guilt I think are the lowest vibrational. They're the lowest vibrations, those those emotions. So if we just if we just get out there and serve and continue to carry the message, be it mental health or addiction or whatever, whatever cause breaks your heart more than anything, whatever you want to do, to get out there and be of service. I mean, it is a great way to stay stay out of your own way and really level up your purpose. That's right, that's actually, that's actually I love that you said that. That's a big thing and a lot of people miss that, but that is that's a major key. Like DJ Kalet would say, I'm actually going through one of the toughest times that I've ever gone through in my life. Right, but not a lot of people will know it because now I have the skills and tools to be able to self regulate or deal with the stresses. But you know, building out this company, and you know, going on three years in this transition from playing football all my life to you know, not having balls I'm in my post career. Like, the shit is hard. Shit is extremely hard. And one of the things that I do, the tricks, I call it a little hack to push through and when it really hits the fan, right is you know, give back you know, I would love to have all the athletes on my show. Sometimes it said they say no. Sometimes it's hard to get in contact with them. But then what I do is I turn around when there may be a high school student or a podcast that's just down getting started may only get like fifty views, and it's like, you know what, I'm gonna bless you. Right. So I think that's a big thing, you know, even like tip. Right, Like I invested eleven million dollars in my company thus far, and that's almost almost all of my football money. Right. And so when I'm looking at like, man, is this thing going to work? Like I got the real I'm a real entrepreneur, this thing will go left and I can have nothing. Right. And when I'm looking at the budget, I'm looking at you know, accounts receivable and payables, and I'm like, all right, we got payroll, another two hundred thousand coming out. You know what I do. I actually tip more, you know, I actually go out and I want to ask me, you know, whether it's a homeless man or woman, actually give them more than what I would give them on a normal day. Right. So I think that's a major key. Donnie. When we're struggling to actually tell our stories, to give back, to share, you know, and you'll be surprised how many blessings come back to you. That sounds like an abundance mindset. Even when situations maybe pressing me a little bit, maybe a little harder on me, I'm still going to give more because there's an underlying faith that I'll be taken care of, I'll be provided for. Because all the things that I've made it through, all things brand has made it through, all things you've made it through. We still here. We're still you know, leading a life that that means something to us now that means something to other people beyond us. And you know, it's just an amazing feeling. And I know, before we get out of here, um, you know, just being here with you. Well, let me say this real quick. Sorry to interrupt you. Let's break this now. I'm gonna shore you how this work right, and I'm gonna make this. I'm saying this, and it's tough right now because I haven't made the announcement right. But like we're raising I told you guys this offline. We're raising twenty five thirty million dollars twenty five million dollars. We may be oversubscribed to bringing thirty millions to go scale or company house of athlete, and then I am athlete. Right. So for the past nine months I had so many family offices. So many groups reach out and say, we want to invest. We're willing to write a five million to ten million dollars check, but we don't want to be the lead, right, meaning the lead investor. The lead investor is the most important because the lead investor is the one that takes on majority of the risk. The lead investors the one that goes to all the diligence and say, okay, this is what the company, company's valuation is. All of our people went through it, and this is what it is. Right. That's a big deal because now we're talking about companies being able to get our groups, being able to get the return that they're looking for, the mandates that their groups have set out to say, like we need five X, you need eight X on her money in three five years whatever that is, right. So it's been extremely hard over the last year to find the league. So I reached out to to one of my buddies, Stunted phenomen not a buddy, but uh he's like a he's a mogul, he's a real deal in the space. And I'm like, I need help. I'm struggling right now, right, and he said, fly out, come see me, send them all the information he saw it, and he's like, look, I'm gonna lead around right, A ten fifteen million dollar check, right, no problem. And then within thirty days, sixty days, you'll be you'll be closed, You'll have everything you need, you have more than what you need. Okay, this is how we're gonna work together. And then so I was like wow in all but I wasn't surprised, Like we're doing a phenomenal job, like and I got great people around me. At the end of that conversation, you know, when we was having a glass of wine and lunch, um, I said why why Why I am Atthew White, House of Athlete. Why me? And he said, because you know, there was a moment just about six months ago where you could have been an asshole and you wasn't, and you treated me and my family like gold. And I said, that's the guy I want to be in business with, right, Like how you gave back to me and my family in that time meant everything for me, And that's just to talk about when you talk about abundance and you talk about just doing things the right way and always giving back no matter the situation for you, it's going to come back. So that was a great example and that just happened literally a week ago. Wow. We we we definitely gonna if you're down, do a part too, because we uh probably could could talk it up for a fire. Yeah, all bit a long time. So we know you gotta go in a minute, but are you down to come back? Or you or or you guys can add me as the third wheel, like what's up? Like, come on, man, you wear a lot of right, I'll hold it down while you're out there catching touchdowns and stuff. You know, me and Danny hold it down. Yeah, I mean you're I mean the conversation we're having and you're just compliment it so well. And um, I mean we can talk about this all day long, which is why I wanted to, you know, maybe save some of these questions and do a part two if if we can make it happen, because there's so much more to dive into. And man, the way that you show up, the way that you're showing up in the world. The impact you've had on Darren, the impact you've had on myself, and god knows how many other athletes and human beings in this world. It's it's something to be acknowledged. So I'm going to acknowledge you if you're not going to acknowledge yourself. Yeah, my god, I appreciate that. Man. Appreciate you so I love it. Appreciate you so much for coming on. Man, before you go, one last question. We like to give people love on this show. If you could give one person or a few people a comeback story shout out for being there for you in your darkest days and helping you create the life that you created today, who would you give a shout out to? The late doctor Gunderson was phenomenal. You know, he's the reason why I'm here today because he was able to speak to me with the right tone, the right love to get me through. You know, it's three months at McLain hospital. Um rod Smith. Rod Smith was an og in the locker room that never gave up on me. You know, I really appreciate rod. Now, he didn't understand a lot of the mental health stuff there, but he understood me as the person right and he you know, was empathetic. He was you know, he showed me the love and the care needed to just just stand stand by my side. So Rod Smith is a big one, you know. And doctor Gunderson and then also like you, I would say you and I would talk also how like all the other athletes, man, like you guys are holding this torch and it's it's hot man, you know. And I just want you guys to continue to fill up your cup every single day because we need you guys out there sharing these stories and creating these platforms because there's one hundred million Americans and we're just starting. We're just talking about the United States. One hundred million Americans that are living with something and they need to hear from people like us. So, you know, a lot of love to you and and the rest of the crew out there, and they own me soccer, some moon bows and Kevin loves of the world. Hey man, Thank you so much. Man, Peace and love to you in all your endeavors and the rest of your life journey. Man, I know we'll be in contact going forward to appreciate your presence today and every day. Man, Thank you so much. Love. Man, let's go get a super Bowl, and let's also go open up a hospital. Yes, sir, let's do it. Let's do it, all right? Peace, all right, rap? What's up? Comeback stories, family, It's Donnie dropping in here. So did you know that Darren and E's relationships started by me being his personal development, mindfulness and mindset coach. I want to let you know about both my one on one coaching program, The Shift and my group Mastermind Elevate your Purpose. These coaching programs are specifically designed for people who are ready to take the next step in their purpose and level up their career, personal finances, and have more connected, deep and meaningful relationships. Ift and part of my purpose is to help others take that next step in leveling up their lives so that they can have a greater impact on the lives of others, create success that sustainable yet evolves and grows, and help build a legacy that will outlive your life. If this is calling you, just go to Donnie Starkins dot com and apply for either one of my programs.