Dan Jameson's Comeback Story

00:00:09 Speaker 1: Welcome back, everyone to another episode of Comeback Stories. I'm here with my man, my friend, my brother, Donnie Starkins, and we have an amazing guest today. Um, guys, I hope that you wouldn't bypass a meaningful conversation that has the potential to happen. I met this man in a gym and one conversation turned into a growing friendship. I'm here with my good friend Dan Jamison. Dan, thanks you for coming on the show today. Thank you for having me. Thank you, Yes, sir, I'm glad to be here. We like to just start right by asking what was it like growing up for you as a child. Um, let's see here. So, I grew up in a place called Richmond, California, and it gave me the opportunity to see many things that I'm trying to be as pot as we can, right, I'm trying to be as positive you can. So it like it gave me the opportunity to see many things that gave me perspective about life. Right if it would be like drugs, violence, stuff like that, it gave you. It gave me perspective on that, right, it gave me perspective for life. But also like our group of friends, it was a trip, you know, Like we had the Mexican guy, we had the black guy, we had the Asian guy, we had it who knows what you know what I mean, and then they had me when we just considered me the white guy. So we were all good. Right, So at a young age, it kind of taught me like character overcolor, you know what I mean, Like just like how like man like it's just you. I don't, I don't I see character, you know what I mean, and like it's it's so much easier, you know. And then like you growing up in Richmond, we weren't I'm using a lot of likes were. We weren't very rich. We weren't very like super poor. There was kids that I would use my clothes. Um, I was a single My mom was a single mom. Um all right, shit, let's let mean you want to get to it, let's get to it. So I was of one nice stand, right, So um my mom and my biological father was it was one nice stand. From there came me. Right. My mom had two My mom had two sons, my brothers, and uh, I mean she was she did everything she could. She's you know what I mean, I've got my work ethic from her, you know. And uh, once again, it just taught me another perspective. I was never mad or angry about it. It was just it was life and it just just taught me perspective, you know. So like um, growing up like that, we moved quite a bit of times. Um, when I was young, we moved a lot. My brothers got sent to their dad, so it was just me and my mom and um, we would just I mean, I think where I'm living right now, is I have it? It's either my fifty seventh or fifty eight different place. Yeah yeah, no, No, no military dad, no military mom. Just just like you know Rent, Hey, Rent went up boom, you know, go here. And then when you're doing that as a kid, you know, you get comfortable in a place, Like when I lived in San Diego, I lived in five in five different places just because like you'd sit there, you start going stir crazy, right, and you'd be like, oh, I gotta move because that's natural, right, Like that's what that's you know what I mean, Like a dog doesn't know he's on a chain there's another chain's bad until like you actually take him off it, right, So you know like, um man, it's just I mean that's how I grew up, just like we were just we were we were. It was a little chaotic, you know what I mean. Sorry, if I'm like all over the place, I don't really doing good man. Yeah yeah yeah. Um. One thing we like to ask as well. I feel like you can always trace the events or just the mindset of somebody back to pain from their childhood. In some ways, there a distinct memory of pain that you can point out. They may have been packaged you in a great way. Wow, they think about that. There are a lot of those, but like h I think, yeah, I mean, we're gonna be real. It's opened it up. When you don't know who your dad is and your mom's always looking for love, where do you go? Right? Where do you go? So like it was, it became a huge amount of pain. But some people would see it as an inspiration because like I'm always trying. When I was growing up, I was always trying to, um, make a friend, do this, you know what I mean, Like help someone out, you know what I mean. So I would feel better about myself, like I am worthy. Right, So in a way it taught me the service that I used today so interesting, like the it almost seems like not having that love and acceptance from a father figure at younger years, you were out there chasing it and trying to get it from external things because you didn't have it from the foundation of your parents. Yeah, so it's like, I mean, that's what you're gonna do, right, Like I mean you look at most oh man, that's one of those things you look at like the most of like people that are having issues, right, like um, you get with like Jesus, I guess. So people don't have a father figure or a mother, right, they're always chasing it or maybe the mother in my case was you'll hear probably you know, you get raised in a way where you've become the man of the house where I did like to say it, now you're the king, right, this is my king. This is my king, which is putting in a way. It is a lot of love, don't get me wrong. It's a lot of love. But when you're when you're the person and then you know, you get pushed aside and you don't really know why at a young age, right, numerous times, and then you got to pick up the pieces, right, it will build that bad beliefs, all those crazy drama and trauma and all that stuff. So yeah, what would you say your first real teacher was in your life that may have helped you to develop some sort of character. It could have been good, it could have been bad. Um who would you credit as being like a teacher early on in your life? Taught me? Oh man in the streets, Um o gez o gee. Sorry my voice is what it is, but o gez o geez. You know, like, hey, um, relationship advice. Let's just thought. I went out there. You know, hey, you got your main broad, you got your stable, right, Um, you know, uh, if you want to be happy Mary Square you know, um you know uh all that girls. You know, maybe she has issues or whatever, but that's just love, right. Um. I mean there are so many different bad beliefs. I'm going blank right now, but like so many bad beliefs, because I mean, all I can say is like this, right, I have a buddy name stew amazing man. This is this is this is this is this is like a funny So um we were thirty two, thirty three and he looks at me and he says, hey, man, you know how the ice cream stays cold and the ice cream truck. I said, how he said the music and I'm like, it's like I'm waiting for the joke, right, and he like looked at me, stone facing right. That's what his parents taught him when he was little. He never did no research. He didn't know, right. So it's like if you don't know what, you don't know, right. So it's like me personally, I didn't know, right, So it's you don't know. Darren and I are always referencing the Four Agreements, and in the beginning of the book it talks about domestication and certain ways that we were just conditioning, yeah, conditioning, and the ways that we were brought up, and it's all we know, right, the mirroring. What's your word? Always do your best, um don't make assumptions, don't make assumptions. The big one saved the big one for last, the superpower, assumptions, impeccable, what's your word, always do your best, don't take anything personally Boom, that's the super You know. It was crazy as I got those cards sitting right there, I'm my nice then right by the there's a hole in the sidewalk, right right by there, and it's just like it just shows you I need to get back in those things. That book is everything. But yeah, in the beginning of it, the whole idea of domestication, and it's how we our belief system is built, right, and for most of us, we have a broken down belief system that's rooted all in our condition, in our parents and the things that people told us that we were, the things that we didn't get right. And so for someone like you, I feel like just walking through your childhood and all this instability, right, like never having a home, like you could never just feel safe. This word safety runs deep with me. This last year of like for me, just going through some recent medicine journeys, I had this big awakening of like I went to a place where I felt so and it made me realize my whole life, all I've been trying to do is feel safe. And I would feel safety through achieving. That's likely if you've done the enneagram. That's why I'm an achiever, right, So I would get validation through my parents or through my dad, through the things that I achieved, and it was all just because I, you know, caring what other people think and getting the opinions of other people. Like people pleasing all comes to feeling safe. I just wanted to feel safe, and so that's how it showed up. But going back to you, it just feels like there was never that home. So how did that show up in your life? In maybe unhealthy ways as you grow, as you grew older. So when I was never in the drugs, I was never really in a drinking but man, find me a broken woman. Take them by the dozen. I mean seriously, it's like, you know, like I could pick them out, like you feel the vibe right, broken feels broken? Right, we both feel each other right. Um. I never really had any strong relationships. Um My mom really never did so, like you know what I mean, she just was just the way it was. So I never really had any strong relationship. I have two kids, have two wonderful, beautiful kids. Besides like, um my kids, like that's's my world and um and my lady, and uh, it was the bad beliefs that I thought were normal would come just peek their heads out. Right, relationships going good? Right, I gotta blow this up. Hey, we need some chaos. I need some TSD in this world? How many people in this world living so in absolute PTSD. How many people live in this world in absolute PTSD? Like seriously, they don't know anything else? Like I used to tell people like crazy, that's like a Tuesday, right, like let's go, let's go, because I would search it out. I would search it out because that's where I'm comfortable. I'm comfortable in chaos. Like I am comfortable in chaos, and for me, that was safety, right, familiar. Yeah, I mean, dude, look, we get all the way down to this whole thing, if we get down to everything, everybody, and this is once again my childhood. Right, It don't matter what you look like, what you do, how you do, when you do whatever you do. Right. We are all connected, right, we are all connected. We are all going through the same stuff. It's just how do you handle it right? Insecurity? Right? I mean, golly, you just I mean all the different seven deadly sins everybody's going through the right, but are you present enough to see it? Right? I had to make a hard pivot five years ago, it's five or six years ago. How to make a hard pivot in life? Right, Because all those bad beliefs, all that bs came to a head, and there's a mug shot and about fifty thousand dollars in court bills, dismissed case, all that stuff, And at that point I had to make a choice, right, And I made that choice. And I was lucky enough because here's a thing, no matter what I did in life, I always help people. It's just what I like to do. I like to see the potential in people. Right, you can be whatever. You know what I mean, you could be the greatest of all time. It may not be your potential, right, I want to see it like I want to test, I want to poke it. I want to see what makes you tick. I want to get that click right. And I always like to do that with people. So crazy part was was I think from helping a lot of people, I got my karma right to meet this lawyer who sent me to this person. Right, she's my person. She is my person. I'm doing some pretty heavy stuff, some heavy lifting here in the next couple of days, and like she she won't like sometimes I won't even have to call her. She'll just be like, hey, I was sitting meditating, this came to me, right, and it's like, Okay, this is where I'm at, and I'll do that with people. Right, I sit either in the morning at night like, well, anyway, let me get back to this. I jump all over the place she took me and we got real. Right. We sat in the room and we got real, like real I'm crying and all that, and she just listened to cut the bullshit, you know what I mean. At that point I had to snap out of like the woe is me and go, okay, there's something here. I can feel that vibe right, like I feel that vibration. I can feel all that. And she put me down her path or just opened up the path, lit the path, and said, look, you're already doing the work of service. You just need to you need to accept that is what you do. And not only that, but you need to accept that how do you put it? You need to accept like it's okay, like you're doing good, right, It's just you're inherently good. You want to do good. So like we went through all of that and all those remember the stable and the you know, main roun and all that. So I have two baby moms. I like to put the carriage before the horse, of course, that's just how I roll. And the last one was like I can't explain it. But like it was like we were our own comfortable shoes, right, Like relationships will breakdown everything else, just go back to the comfortable shoes. Right. And one day it just, man, it boiled over like you wouldn't believe it boiled over. And I got myself on some good trouble and she got herself in some good trouble. And I learned from working with Suzanne that what good beliefs, bad beliefs, How those become? Watch what you say? I say, you know what I mean? I say, Um, thoughts become what is it is a man? Thoughts becomes words, and words become actions, and actions become your character, and actions become beliefs or no, words become thoughts or thoughts become words. Where has become beliefs? Right? And so like back you know what I mean? So like I learned all of that, right, and I learned what stories are right, what uh, what's real and what's not? And once again, when I give me something that vibrates in me, I'm going down that road, like I'm going hot down that road. So like having these like beliefs and these thoughts and these stories and everything instead of just asking a question. Right. You know how many people just don't ask a question. We're asked for help, ask for help, ask a question. I mean, like m it doesn't have to be a difficult question, like like Darren Waller walks by, right, look at them, nod and it's just like how are you today? Right? But people are just like that guy, you know what I mean, they already had that story right there, That guy guys this way, that guy you didn't you know, didn't smile back. Well, maybe he was thinking of something, you know what I mean? Like those are the stories and the things that get people in trouble. And I just I just I just went down that road and this is where I'm at today. What do you think the what was the biggest thing holding you back? Like if I'm guessing this incident you're talking about was your bottom, we'd like to ask question, what was your lowest point? I don't know that was my lowest point. My lowest point might have been when I was thirty years old and my um So back to like one night stand, right, is I I known special? So one night stand? There's this thing called Wilson's disease, Right, it's a copper disorder. Super rare, one in three hundred thousand, right, people have it one side, so you gotta have a chromosome. One chromosome is one in ten thousand on this side, I think it is, and the other chromosome has to be one in ten thousand on this side. They had a one nice stand boom me. I'm twenty nine years old. I'm starting at my skin's itching. Everything's itching. I just had I just had my son. My daughter was now I had to be twenty eight because I just had my son. My daughter was three, Like itching, Oh man, what is this? What is this? What is what is this? Right? Go take a leak and it's like mur low right, And I'm kind of stubborn. I wouldn't call it tough, like stubborn. And so I was like drink my water or whatever. Right, I'm getting like tired, like I can't even like I tried three minutes. I gotta like pull over, right, like it's it's bad, not three minutes, like fifteen minutes, right, Like I'm I'm bad, and uh, I end up going to the hospital. Like I end up going to the hospital because like someone looks at me and they're like, dude, you're yellow and I'm like yello. I'm like yeah yellow, and I'm like okay, that's crazy, right, Okay, let's let's go to hospital. Um they run some tests, throw ivs in, UM, send me out, like you know, because I was in good shape. So they were just like, oh, you're just dehydrated, there's something whatever. So I would go leave, or actually before I leave, they say go down to do lab work. I go do lab work. I'd leave, get a call you need to get back here now, and I'm like okay. So this is when, like I knew stuff started being a little serious. It was like I'm going to the ers, like, hey, tell the lady who you are, and I'm like, okay, col you're not getting back dry back in theyde like there's people wrapped up, hands leading you know everything else. I am Daniel Jamison. I was told to be brought back. Yeah one second, Yeah, you got it, Like just walk through those doors, you know what I mean, doctor's waiting for you. And it was crazy. It was like the crazy I mean going through all of that with the mugshot and everything was pretty crazy. Um. It gave me the pivot, I guess, right, because I was I think I think um, timing is a lot to do with karma, right, I think timing has a lot to do with it. I wasn't prepared when I when I was going through the Wilson's or I still am, but I wasn't prepared for that. So what ended up happening When I was thirty we went to the let me fast forward back. We were going to the hospital and the going to the room, the room UM docks like, look just letting you know, like your levels of creating and other stuff in your liver is just insane, right, And they're like, you have so much caught, like you have so much like build up in your in your liver. And they're like, we don't know what it is. You need to do more tests. Right, and by all means the UM, the health insurance I have is wonderful, wonderful health insurance. UM. They would I would go, they would do the IVY, I would go do more blood work because they would have to figure it out. Because they couldn't figure it out, They're like, what is this? Through three months of this bouncing back, bouncing backun go out, bounce back, go out, bounce back, Right, I had sixty two different blood works. There's like they were drawing blood, just drawn like six six six of those things. Like literally the Letdy'd be all like this, you know if you get your blood work. Yeah, they poured it out like I think it's like like a m one of like a costco receipt. That thing was just like rolling and I'd be all okay, cool and right, and uh it was crazy because like had like month too. The doc was just like you got some like they they were like set me up for chemo. They thought like, this is like you got some weird form of blood cancer. We can't figure it out. It's tearing your body up. By this time, my son's mom would come home from work and she'd like, yo, you smell like death. Like you're because when your liver doesn't work, you know, your skins and oregan, it pushes everything out of your skin. That's what the yellow is. It's the bile from your stomach. Right. So, um, I mean I don't know, you know, I'm one of the greatest things happens, Like my mouth just started bleeding. I got to the point now where like teeth, gums, touch anything, I'm bleeding. It's just the way it is. I'm I'm yellowish green. My mouth is bleeding. Um, but without that so I have like when that happened, I had this crazy metallic taste in my mouth and they were like, oh, that's the blood. But this one Endokrin doctor that was like going to start putting me through um, setting me up for the chemo, setting me up for everything else, gonna do the liver biopsy, all of that, and uh, I was like, Doc, like, I just like, even when it's not bleeding, I just taste copper. And he was like copper and like he went to the he went to like his computer doing all this stuff. He we set my biopsy. I went and did my biopsy. He pulled it out even um we did it. I went home u um from there. Sorry, sorry if I'm jumping I did. It's been so long since I've told this story. I just and he calls me up and he's like, you need to get back here. We need to do um lights around your eye so you looking like you know when you like to do glasses. So I have copper rings on my eyes. So he's because, um, oh, that's just the way that that works. So pretty much Wilson's to see is is. I was born without a filter for copper. So um copper. Just I gotta watch what I eat and I gotta stay I gotta stay healthy healthy, like run and do all that stuff. I still whatever. I don't eat the healthies. But like anything that doesn't, any of the copper goes to my brain stem or goes to my my brain. Right. You remember those things where you'd like see like the shocks and everything and you touch it and it would like right, So, like my my brain has copper deposits on it. Right, So I, Um, if I don't like my endocrance system shot, like my thyroid, my reproductive my energy levels like a shot. Right, if I don't have my meds, I'm a totally different person. And it's crazy because like you know, looking back on that situation, right, like that that sucked, right, but I was thankful that it was Wilson's disease. Right. Um, they tell me when I'm like I'm forty three now, they tell me anywhere, you know, I will be Parkinson out right, because that's just the way it is. That's how this stuff works, right, there's no you know you I take this pill that cleats copper, and I piss it out, but like you're not gonna get all of it. So it's just, you know, maybe it doesn't happen. Who knows, and Doss been wrong about lot shit. Um, So it's I just I'm thankful that it wasn't the cancer. I'm thankful. I mean, Lisa's something that's like I just treat it like diabetes, right if I don't take my pills, You'd be like, damn, why are you? Why are you not ing off? I'd be like how did you get to that place? Like what was the story that you had to stop telling yourself so that you could start to like write this whole comeback story of your own. Um, I think I'm blessed in a way that like it is what it is acceptance. Acceptance. Interesting that word keeps coming up because in the beginning looking for that acceptance and I think your partner, your girl had pointed that out to you, even in a different way, when you could just accept that this is you. You're a man of service, like you have a heart of service. But I think it just ties. I'm just trying to connect the dots together of as a child, you're looking for acceptance. You don't have a dad. You're just trying to have that. But I had to I had to accept that, right, like Father's Day. I had to accept making my mother a father's day. Car at different things like that's the one thing I was all. She like, man, that woman, that woman accepted a lot of shit in her life, like a lot of shit in her life. And you know what, I would not trade her in for anything. She has taught me so much, right, She the one that like really showed me like acceptance, like acceptance. I was always like, that's just the way it is. So like when you're saying that part, you know, when all that was going on, when I didn't know that it was Wilson's and everything, and we had that part, you know what I mean, I had to make a videotape for my kids. I mean they're three and a baby, right now. That's some hard shit right there. That's some hard shit to think about, right. So when you find out it's Wilson's, Hey, I don't give a shit. Hey I don't get to see my kids. So it gave me that that uh, well, I don't relief, but like yeah, relief, right, like like relief like I get to see my kids. So you know what I mean when you're asking me, like, what was the pivot point? There was I've always had those pivot points, but I forget about them, you know what I mean, Like they're just I don't I don't talk about my story. It was hard for me to do this. This was after a lot of sitting and saying, yeah, I'm gonna tear this thing up. I don't really talk about it. I'm gonna jump many decades and jump all over the place. But like, hell, this is who I am. It's beautiful, right, and um so I've had many times in my life where people could say that was a pivot, right, and I never had anyone to reassure me that I was doing the right thing. This is that's still the thing that I have to get through. Right. So childhood right there, it is right. I mean, listen, if you look at anybody in this world, anybody that's having a ton of issues and shit, and you're looking at him, how you're just judging them the shit out of him and everything else, look at him as a child, look at him as a child, and you will see that kid in school, that person a friend yourself. Right, You know what I mean, and then you'll start to go, oh, I'm projecting my bullshit on this person right level, a whole other level of awareness to get to that place. I love that the theme of this acceptance. The question I had asked earlier is what's the story you had to stop telling yourself? But I do think it's this theme of acceptance. I always use that equation. I don't know who who came up with it, if it was Victor Frankel, but it's paying times resistance equals suffering, paining times acceptance GOLs freedom. I don't think I just read his book. Yeah I might, it might not be. I don't know, but I'm just saying, I don't know. I know that's like logo therapy, right or something. Yeah, yeah, it might be. You might have hit that one, but I just that is a crazy book. But the whole idea of it is this acceptance. An acceptance does not mean we need to like it. Acceptance means that it's happened, and we have to accept that it's happened. And at some point, even if we've had pain and we've been abused or or left or neglected, like, we do have to accept that it's happened because the resistance of it. We're just banging our head against the wall of reality and make it gets better when it's okay the way that it is. Yeah, it gets better when it's okay the way that it is that's accepted. That's a that's a wonderful that's a wonderful, wonderful way of putting it. In recovery that we always talk about acceptance is the answer to all of our problems. Right. I love that this this is the theme, and it's like hit different directions, but I think the biggest thing I'm hearing is self acceptance. So it's some point when you can accept yourself flaws and all and all the stuff that we have, well, you can trust yourself. I think a lot of that had to do with me. I had to trust that gut feeling because so many people told me in my life that gut feeling wasn't right, which is why when people don't trust people, it's actually because they don't trust themselves. It's always it's always from the inside out. That's happening tonight. H yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's uh, that's that's that's that's a deep one. Right. So it's just like like you're saying, like resistance, right, Like what's the strongest tree in uh in a storm? The bamboo or willow just goes when goes this, well, when goes this way. And it's just like, all right, I'm still here. Redwood. Everybody's like redwood, redo whatever, and then it just shop right. You only resist for so long. Accept it, accept it, hey, man, just be the willow. Be the will You're gonna be crazy. It's gonna be all right, you know. And but like what you're saying, like when people accept the past and everything else, Like one of the things that I like to show people is like the three three parts. Right, you're right here, this is now right. This past is only sadness, sorrow. I should have done this. You can't do shit about it. Too many people out here just like I should have done that. Well, you know what, that's fine, you could have done that. Hey, that's an error. We all make errors, right, the next time it comes up, don't make that error because then if you don't fix it, then it becomes a mistake. Right, And then like over here or they're like, oh I have to do all this stuff. I have to that's like fear anxiety everything else. But if you just stay like here, everybody goes like you know, center in the middle present, it's all the same stuff, right, And like I don't know, I mean, if we just it's it's it's easy what I say, simple, never easy, Yeah, I mean about making errors, Like I'm thinking over here about the beliefs I had, Like I felt like if I made an error or if I didn't do something correctly, like somehow that that was an indictment against me. If the result wasn't pleasing to me or pleasing to most people most of the time, like it was an indictment against me, like something was wrong with me, like like I'm wrong, I'm bad like that that that shame factor, like walking around with the code of shame everywhere that I went in there. And how can you trust yourself when you're wearing at all the time. Yeah, a lot of judgments, a lot of self criticism, that that inner voice even with I just keep coming back to acceptance somehow. But like you know, there's there's a saying if they knew better, they'd do better, and same thing for us, like if I knew better, I would have done better. However, like too much that's given comes great responsibility. And you know, I'll talk with Darren off and about like, dude, if anybody can handle this, it's you with the tools. And it's not like he was just gifted all these tools. He's worked his ass off. And I'm not talking about the physical stuff. I'm talking about the mental stuff, readings, the meditations. This dude, Like, you know, I thought I had a practice in rituals, and this guy stays with me and I just see how dialed in he is. I'm like, dude, I ain't doing shit compared to him, but it's but it's a direct reflection of his willingness, right, and that it comes back to though, like even if there's challenges or injuries or adversity, it's I just remind him. I'm like, dude, if anybody can handle it, it's you. Always gonna be something. It's always gonna be something but your toolbox. Because you've done the work to gain the tools. You just have way more tools than I would say, ninety nine point nine percent of the people in your league. And so with that comes the responsibility to not stay stuck when we kind of go down one of those rabbit holes. But also like I put it to like Suzanne, when I first started meditating, she saw how ultra competitive I was, right, And this is what I do with some of the athletes I work with. First five minute meditation. I'm just gonna challenge them, like keep your mind, Like, I will challenge you to be still. I will challenge you to count your breath. I will challenge you to focus on that point of your breath when it goes from inhale, to act out that split second. I would challenge you to just sit there and stillness, right, I would challenge you, and then five minutes become seven, ten, twelve, fifteen. Let's get the framework done and then we can get in to the other stuff, right and working from that point, because that's what Susanne did with me, right as she would like, let's just get to that point, and then what ends up happening is like I remember sitting there, and I'd be sitting thirty minutes and like my mind would play just crazy games, crazy. You got another bathroom, you better itch this. This is gonna happen, World's gonna end Burgers phone, Right, I had it to the point where I literally was sitting and I wasn't asleep, but my mind was like I was in the bathroom and I was like, oh us dirty dog, right, you almost got me, you almost got me. Get up, you almost got me, like I like, and it was crazy because like when I didn't um, I had that itch and I just stayed away from it. It just went away. That stuff just went away. And it's teaching you the discipline you need. Right, And there's that Jocko guy, you know. I mean, I love Jocko. He's a great dude. And your discipline is freedom. Right. If you do everything you're supposed to do, it gives you freedom of your mind. Right, it gives you the freedom to be able to handle the bs right. And like, I don't know, he's just the freedom word runs deep for me always. I have it on my one of my many anchors, but it's on one of my bracelets. And I believe it's freedom, not freedom for ourselves, but freedom from ourselves. And that's the essence of the practice. Like when we can sit and meditate and get out of our own way, or at least when we start the practice to actually notice when we are, when we're when we're having negative thoughts or we're thinking about the burgher that we can just it's all positive pattern interrupts, and how do we redirect our focus and bring it back to center at Yeah, like you just arm yourselves with them. So whether it's a tattoo, or it's a bracelet, or it's a ring, or you have these anchors, or you have these little sayings or a word, right, anything to redirect your focus from going down one of those holes that isn't serving you. Whether it's just thoughts about lunch or it's thoughts. Yeah, he's asparagus. I used it because like, uh, it's just different from everything else. I'll make it go like what you just say that word that's like asparagus, Like in my head, just asparus or none of your business. I'm not my business right, And the asparagus came from when I do combine training and guys, you know this, sitting at the forty, I hadn't seen or anything. My foot right is my foot right, is my hand down? I'd say, deep breath, asparagus, you know what I mean, because it's that's that's a difference between a four four to four eight, you know what I mean. So it would just be But then I took that athlete mind frame and put it to what I do now, Like if it goes down to a word, it goes down like a thing. If I'm having a trouble at work and this guy's feeling some other way, maybe he's not none of my business, right asparagus, that it really doesn't matter what it does is it's what it matters to you, And like that that's amazing. And I think sometimes people overthink this thing or think you have to be sitting in a certain position with with a moodra like a certain hand posture, and it's like, whatever's gonna work for you to make this like whole practice, actually that you want to do it. Yeah, David Gard, teacher says like in all of at the beginning of his meditation settle in, get comfortable because comfort as queen. Yeah, mine doesn't feel great for me to sit across legged with seven surgeries on my left knee. And even though I feel like I'm a meditation teacher and I need to sit this way, it's like, no, just be comfortable so that you actually want to do it. Yeah. So, like another thing that really taught me a lot of lessons was I have a friend in Sacramento, a well known pain doctor, right, and he came with this epiphany that he just didn't want to give pills anymore, right, and he ever heard a functional restoration? No? All right. So there's these things in northernk I don't know they're out this way. I don't know where they're at, but pretty much what they do is it's it's a clinic, right, and you go in so like she's like like again, anyways, so you would go from workmen's comp. Say you're on workman's comp for like three years. You go to this clinic and from there they have a PT, they have a social worker, they have a therapist, a psychologor a psychiatrist, and they have like yoga pilates and then a strange guy all right. And it was cool because when I was making my pivot, this came into my life. And sorry, I'm jumping everywhere again, dude, trying. It's just it's just stuffs popping in my head and I'm just taking from your your meta tation part right. And the psychiatrist was very Western and he was cool because he would he was open though, So we had this thing you ever heard biofeedback? All right, so I'm certified biofeedback, right, and we didn't. We went to this long I mean I mean certified three days and like a bunch of people, you know, going to them through these machines and breathing and all this other stuff. And it was silly to me because at this time I was heavy into my practice. Like I'm not as heavy as I am I was at that moment. I had nothing but time right right now. I'm I got five class I'm trying to finish my degree. I got five classes, two gems a consulting business, and I worked nine five am two whenever. Right, So that's still an excuse, by the way. I just I'm not reading as much as I should be and not doing my work. Sorry Susanne if you ever see this, um. But it was cool because that that taught me that that whole realm because we would have sittings, right, and I would start to do that meditation like the little like challenge people with meditation, challenge people with different things, and he'd yall just put them on the mark two. And I'm like, I mean, what is that. I'll just put them on the mark two is what he said. All right, what is that. So I ended up going to this week long thing in Berkeley where it just taught diaphragmic breathing. Literally took everything and just made it. I guess you would say Western I right, like it took the hocus pocus and then you know what I mean, the just reframe the words. There you go, reframe the words, made it more accessible. You're saying the great words. I was gonna poper no, I was gonna pop out. Was some bs, but it was it was crazy because this machine gives you, it unlocks it a little bit, right, But it was just funny because it was like it was. It was not funny, not funny, but awesome, I guess you would say, because this machine has helped a lot of different people. And I enswayed. Oh, I like, once again, if I see something, I want to get the best at it. So they figured out ways where I didn't have to have a college degree and still do it. So I went through it, did everything, got my board certification by doing fifty fifty treatments because I just stayed at the when I was done doing the training and everything of um you know, mobility and everything. For these people, I just sit and do two or three a day or one one this week, or however when I had time and it was just it was cool because it gave me another tool, as in, if you just really think about it, just sitting stillness and just watch what happens. Just sitting stillness and watch what happens. That's it. Somebody needed a practical meditation definition. Boom, there is meditation machine. What would you say for you if somebody listening right now is stuck struggling, They know that they're stuck, but they don't know what to do about it. What kind of advice stuck like struggling in an addiction, struggling in a bad relationship, negative thoughts, depression, suicidal thoughts, like, what would be some advice that you would give them? Well, first you gotta do a seek, a seek if you know you're there, If you know that there is a problem, something is seeking you. Right, know that something is seeking you because you are becoming aware of the problem. Right, know that that if you feel the way you do, it's for a reason. Right, You're you're something higher than you is poking you, poking you when you can own your like anxiety, right, anxiety is it's information. So when you can own it. But it's like there's information there, so it's telling you something. So your anxiety can actually be a gift. There's something there, and so awareness is the first step, and then there's there's the action step. Right, My besides my wonderful kids and my lady, my greatest asset to this world is my journey. I can relate. I can relate with pretty much anybody. I can relate. I'm not gonna you know what I mean, play you know, like competitive bad stories, but I can relate to you and just say certain things to you where it rings right there and you're like, oh, this dude knows what I'm talking about, right, And that's that's like, that's my that's my journey, you know what I mean, that's where you were kind of I felt that's which way you were going down that way. I just met you an hour ago, and I feel that, like you really truly embody that. Yeah, I mean, I'm just like immersed in this conversation. I know there's cameras on and there's a casino outside of us right now, keep keep people looking in, but like, um, I'm just in this with you, man, and you know, but I can see, you're a very open person. I could be talking about pencils and crans and you're gonna stare at me in the eye and you're gonna love me right, and you're gonna give me the love and the attention because I if I'm passionate about something, you're gonna see that and be like, dude, that's awesome. That's awesome. And that's how that's I try to be like that. Right. If someone is very passionate or they're in pain and stuff like that, I want to I want to help them. I don't even think you have to try, like that's the embodiment piece of it. I think the trying was the child and wanting the acceptance. But now this is this is just how you roll. Yeah, and it like radiates. It's very very clear. Their authenticity is inspiring. Oh man, thank you. I just gotta I just I think I gotta get a timeline. I just I don't know, man, it's um time is just an illusion. Anyways, I get it. I just I think I went childhood thirty thirty eight twenty two. I was everywhere. It's how you got a piece it together. Sometimes I was like, man, I forgot about that I forgot about that. But also there was a time in my life where I was a complete asshole. There was that time too, right, there was that time where those beliefs. I was a complete asshole and you know what I mean, I did love on people and everything else, but believe me when I tell ya, I was a complete guilty as well. D Bag join the club. Yeah, yeah, man, man, I'm I'm so grateful that you decided to come on here. Man, Like I'm just in all of you because it's like like you said, you're just you're literally piecing through your story before our eyes, and I feel like that's inspiring somebody that maybe listening right now is trying to figure out, like yeah, I mean want to change. I mean you want to do something about it, But like where do I start? Where do I begin? You sit and you feel sit and you feel like most people, like I think, the biggest problem really is emotional intelligence in this world. Right, we don't know, like we just know anger and love. That's it. That's all we know it, that's all. That's all right, Don't get me wrong. When you get down to the meeting the potatoes, like after everything, right, it's either fear or love, right, that's why you do what you do. Right. But like, just having certain words will like almost like you just take the top off the it's just so I think. Yeah, I mean when you're saying that person, that's me having a hard time. Hey, there's a lot of there's a lot of people on a phone, right, maybe your boys or maybe you're I mean a lot of people embarrassed by it, right. I was one of them. Um, there's a lot of phone numbers out there you can find there's there's all that. But I would just tell you to close your eyes, set a timer for five minutes, see what comes to you. Try to like when your mind's drifting off to what you need to do, just sit in stillness and watch what comes. Right. And I know that that's simple to say, but not easy. I think that's probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. I mean, you guys could agree, right, because there's days when you want to when you sit and you're like, I don't want to see I don't want to see that. I don't want to do any of it. Hey, I can do this, I can do that. I can do this right. And that's there's different forms too. You know you can do it. Three minutes here, five minutes here, run, just do it. Walk goes back to that choice that you said earlier. My sponsor calls it. He always asked, do you want relief or do you want freedom? Oh, and it's like yeah, because like I can find the relief when it's like I'll run and drown it out in you know food sometimes or you know, used to be women, used to be all types of things, always deflecting. It's like a yeah, the a decision that you make today that makes you feel good today but hurts you tomorrow is a bad decision, right, And I think there's I'm just thinking about all the ways to numb out right. They told me, yeah, go ahead and yeah, no just any and like and I think that's what you're saying is basically to sit in your ship. Yeah, but it's not it's not pleasant, it's not fun. No one likes like. This is why people struggle to slow down and sit, because they don't like what's gonna come up, but to sit, and they Since of meditation, the big shift in the practices. We go from thinking to feeling, and then sometimes these feelings don't feel great, but we have to feel it to heal it, right, so like you have to actually get into your body and feel it otherwise like we'll find any other distractions. I mean, mind's my phone more than anything to not feel so like UM on one thing, when when I was going through my stuff five years ago, UM, I would do two hours of co parenting a week, co parenting therapy, my personal susan, my guru, and then two hours a week of anger management. Right, so I was sitting on eight eight hours, eight hours, think I was and I was independent, like like I employed myself because there was no way I was doing that. But um, one thing that I got through the anger management, right was minutes of anger or moments of anger, years of pain like that just came to like the co parenting anger management. It's like your kids see certain things. You don't even know things that you're saying. You gotta be watching what things you're saying. And yeah, just like that you game to me when you generations, Yeah, break the cycle. Trust why I'm trying to do I'm trying to break that cycle? Yeah? Man, you guys ever done that thing where you like you look you do a tree and you like do all your like aunts and uncles and grand and you see like craziness, like holy crap, Like my grandmother was married X amount of times mom was married. My aunt was a merry. I mean like it was that like for my family was crazy when we did that. We did that exercise and like you'll start seeing and they're like, so you're gonna break the cycle or what are you gonna do? It's one of my wives. That is one I have like two big wives, and that is one of them. It stops with me, It's wonderful, stops with me. There's a book I haven't read it yet, but it's called It Stops with Me. I saw. Is that what I think it means? She's like, oh, yeah, that's it. Have you ever heard of Sherry Huber? No, dude, amazing, amazing. The way she can put stuff is crazy. My first book I ever read was There's Nothing Wrong with You, right, or or there was one that I'm reading now it's um, what you seek is seeking you. That's a roomy quote. I think, Yeah, yeah, dude, it was. It's it's dude, it's it's or if you're falling dive is another really good what she does. Yeah, I've read like eight of her books. That was like my that was like my author through all that crap. It's beautiful. Man. We could wrap all day, appreciate you. We gotta wrap up. I wanted to ask what we wanted to ask you one last question. We always like to give a comeback story. Shout out that one person in your life that maybe has been in your corner, had your back no matter what. Can't do this work alone. So who gets your comeback story? Shout out. I can't give it to one person. I can only give it to someone. Like I said, I always forgot right, um, Vince when I was younger, Wit when I was older, Kyle when I was get you know, in this last five years, right, and Susanne for the rest of my life. Right. I want to meet Susanne, get some work on, get some work on with her. And she's she's deep, deep, she will poke the bear that challenge. Yeah yeah, oh yeah, man, thank you for coming out here and being vulnerable today. Man, this this is beautiful. I knew from first conversation. I was like this, this has to happen. You know, this is this is the example of you know what we try to show to the world, like what men should be talking about the type of conversations you should be having, everybody should be having, like you said, So thank you for being an example of me. Oh man, thank you so much. I appreciate it. Yeah, man, I really really enjoyed this. I know when Darren, I mean anytime if he says I got a guest or I said, if we just there's a level of trust here. We just know whoever's coming in is going to bring it, and you brought it. So thanks for showing up. I always say, like when I see something in somebody else that I want, like I want what they have. I want to get close to these people. And I just love your energy and your light. I love the way that you talk, like just there's just this calm presence that I really resonate with. So thanks for bringing it. I know a lot of our audience is going to really benefit from listening to your story. Man, So thanks for showing up. What's up, comeback Stories, family, It's Donnie dropping in here. So did you know that Darren and I's relationships started by me being his personal development, mindfulness and mindset coach. I want to let you know about both My one on one coaching program, The Shift and my group Mastermind Bit Your Purpose. These coaching programs are specifically designed for people who are ready to take the next step in their purpose and level up their career, personal finances, and have more connected, deep and meaningful relationships. My gift and part of my purpose is to help others take that next step in leveling up their lives so that they can have a greater impact on the lives of others, create success that sustainable yet evolves and grows, and help build a legacy that will outlive your life. If this is calling you, just go to Donnie Starkins dot com and apply for either one of my programs.