Darren & Donny's New Years Transitions

00:00:10 Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody. We're here for another episode of Comeback Stories. And today it's well it's a solo episode. Well it's a duo episode. We don't have a guest, the originals. Yeah, the Ogs are in the house. It's right after the New Year, and we wanted to just spend some time reflecting with our guests with some answers, answering some questions. I always loved to do this around the New Year. I think it's just such an important time to get clear and reflect on the last year, but then really answer some questions as to this year, on how we want to show up and what's important. So Darren and I thought we would do it for all of you and for us. Yeah, so I mean happy New Year first and foremost excited that you guys continue to join us, continue to want to listen to the show, be a part of what we have going. Wherever you may have ended off last year, where whether it's the best place you've ever been, or you know, you may feel like you're at your low point that like a lot of our guests may have shared. Um, just know that this year can still be an amazing journey, an amazing experience for you if you show up, be authentic to yourself and ready to put in some work. So yeah, it's awesome to be here, awesome to share this platform with you guys, and to walk into twenty twenty three. So yeah, let's get to it. Yeah, we haven't prepared any of these answers. We were just going to kind of riff the questions is. There are a list of questions that I've provided to some of my coaching clients and through my email list. But you know, I always say, we can only take our people as far as we're willing to go. We're not going to do anything. We're not going to not do anything. We're gonna be asking of our people. So there we go. All right, first question for you is how have you grown this last year? And what led you to experiencing this type of growth? How have I grown in this past year? One led me to experiencing this type of growth. I feel like the biggest growth came from a test for me this year. It was almost like a spiritual test um this year. A lot of people that may have been watching, um how football season went for not only for me, but for my team. You know, things didn't necessarily go my way. I was injured a lot. Um the production that I usually put up or people may know me for was not there. I'm sure as fantasy football people were at my social media door with pitchforks and the flames and like you know what I'm saying, But um, in that whole season, for me, it was it was a lesson of I think God was trying to tell me like or ask me, like, would will you still um seek me? Are you still like m pursuing the spiritual things with with the utmost urgency, you know, even if the production isn't there, Like you know, the last couple of years, you've been killing it. You've been had the stats, you've had the numbers, and it's like, as a human being you can tend to rest on those things and be like, Okay, I'm good, Like you know, I'm doing good, I'm performing well. Like it's easy to rest on those Whereas this year I feel like God was like, you know, let's let's see where you're at without those things. Let's see where you're at without the production and the performance, without everybody you know being a fan of you publicly and expressing overwhelming love for you. You know what I'm saying. So I feel like in that it's like, am I good with it myself? Do I know what I'm worth? Do I know what I bring to the table? Do I know the power of you know, my presence and me just being the most authentic version of myself, Like it was a test for me this year to know that, and I feel like throughout the season it was a bit of a struggle for me, you know, just from a splace of like emotional sobriety. You know, you kind of demand on like you know, oh, man, like I need to I need to get I need to get healthy and then I'll be okay. Or I need to you know, get more looks, get more ballstone to me and I'll be okay. But it's like learn throughout the season like I don't need more of anything. I have everything that I need to have. And so now it's like coming into this sport this part of the end of twenty twenty two, in the beginning of twenty twenty three, it's like, yeah, I'm back out on the field, but I feel like me being back out there and looking like, you know, the old version of myself is more so has to do with what's been going on inside of me and you know, the battles that I've had to fight in some of the people that have helped me along the way for me to realize like I bring a lot to the table without having to perform for people. And I always thought I had to be like the top man or the top ranking this, or you know, to feel like I'm useful or happy, when really like, all you need to do is play the cards that I've been dealt the best that I can and you know, try to be of service to other people in the process, and that's what makes me a success. So I feel like that's been what this twenty twenty two is like for me. God, I feel like I need to be taking notes with just some of the perspective and gems that you dropped. And I think a big reason why you've had so much growth is because of it's a direct reflection of the work, the work that you're committed to every single day to have that perspective. But then also the faith, like that faith gives you perspective where I believe that whatever you choose to believe, that faith relieves us from the burden of excessive responsibility, Like if you don't have faith in something greater or understand that life is like there's a lesson. There's a lesson like the lesson that you've learned through this and the amount of growth that you found by having that perspective and not being the victim, right, and yeah, there's so much there. And then the conditional happiness part. Right, So I'll be happy when when I get the touchdown went on back on the field, and it's like, no, happiness is an inside job and everything will ever need is already inside of us. So all that external stuff is great, But if that's what we're leaning on to find that happiness, it's a slippery slope, no doubt. So what would you would you say about yourself? Man? Like, where do you feel like you've grown the most in this past year? And you know what led to you experiencing that type of growth? Wow? So I feel like where I've grown. I've just learned so much about myself in this last year. And the catalyst, So what led me to experiencing this type of growth was a breakup and being in a relationship for six and a half almost seven years and then taking the leap to moving and I lived in Phoenix, Arizona, almost my whole life and grew up there, played college baseball there, taught yoga for ten years there, and the ocean had always been calling my heart. But the story I was telling myself is like, I can never move there, and my ex had a business there, so that wasn't going to happen at least when we were together. So the catalyst the breakup, as hard as it maybe was in that transition, and then finding the faith and the courage to actually uproot and leave. And I understand that maybe to some people that looked abrupt, maybe because of the perception of what maybe they thought the relationship was. And so it was just very clear to me that I needed to take this leap. And um, the reason why I feel like I've grown so much is because I never like blamed or pointed the finger at anyone. I was just kept looking at my ship, looking at my stuff and the whole and the whole thing. And then and then just finding that courage and that faith to actually to leave, to leave my hometown and to like don't really start over. But from a from a community and a network standpoint, I had a pretty decent following back in Arizona and so um and then that just sent me on a path, like a deep path of um spirituality on a whole other level. And the growth of like introducing plant medicine and going through some some healing journeys there, which it's like it's all connected to that decision I made of of having finding the courage to to leave and to move. And I feel like, Um, I may look the same, but I feel like a completely different person. I think the level of my spirituality is so much deeper and just UM perspective on things and trust, like trusting the process and trusting that you know you can just take that leap and you're either going to land in the spot or you know, wings will appear and you'll be fine. So I always go back to just like it did take some balls to like uproot and go. And so I'm always really proud of myself for just finding the courage to actually change because I think what I'm understanding of my own experiences and coaching, coaching clients and having conversations is that the fear. We were just watching a clip from your HBO special last night when you were talking about the when the fear of pain or the pain of change outweighs the pain of staying the same or backwards. But that quote was it's the same thing, and so yeah, a lot a lot to be grateful for a lot of growth, a lot of a lot of a lot of change. But oh so I was going back to the fear of the unknown. That's really what the fear is rooted in. It's it's not like the fear of change, it's just not knowing. But like if you think about our lives, like they never end up the way we thought they were going to anyways, you know what I mean. Yeah, I mean, wow, just the life lesson of taking that step in because I mean, I know it had to be like frightening to make that decision to uproot and go. And I know there's a million people that are, you know, going into this new year, or you know, there's a decision that's been looming over their head for maybe for years that they feel like they need to make and it's like, I don't want to do it because I don't want to face what has to come with it. Whereas you know, as you just explain, like on the other side of making that decision is the wildest journey I could have ever imagined, the most beautiful journey I could have ever imagined. So you sharing that for the people that are listening, Like, I feel like that's an encouraging word going into twenty twenty three. You know, where at once we were like I heard once that fear and the brain doesn't know the difference between fear and excitement. So right there, it's like where we have a choice in the perspective that we take. And you know, for you, even in six seven years of comfortability in your relationship, like to tear away from that, of course, there's going to be some kind of you know, like it's like scar tissue almost, you know what I'm saying. So but for you to walk through that provides a huge example for our listeners are just like trusting your gut and really that commitment to yourself. Yeah, And the cool thing is my coaching program is called the Shift. And once I made that decision and the relationship ended, I attracted a lot of people that were in a similar situation, stuck mostly in relationships but some jobs. And it kind of comes back to this whole idea of safety, which we've been talking about that word a lot and I think people feel it's the familiar. It's the part of the brain that likes familiar, so it says, no, no, stay, stay where you're at, even though it's abusive or unhealthy, stay in it because this is what you know. Um where Really it's like stepping into that unknown. But the brain is trying to protect us. But our heart is saying leave go, you know. And so when we can really and when we hear it from other people, when we hear the story, I mean, I think, like I've done a decent amount of coaching training, but my experience in that has helped so many other people, just like in our past and addictions, in our stories, Like you can have all the training you want, but when you have that real life experience and you saw how stuck you were in fear, how stuck I was in fear of making that change, but then actually doing it. Yeah, it took courage, but it is it's a shift, and we gotta we gotta come back to the heart because that's it's just the part of the brain. It's all the science and the research shows us that there's that part of the brain that says, no, I want to stay in the familiar. So we gotta lean in and uh lean into to the unknown, step into the unknown. But to step into the unknown, we have to die to the way without were our life was going to be right. So you can't really, you can't really step in if you're like holding on to something or the idea or what you thought your life was going to be, like, you just have to surrender that because it's never how we think it's going to be. Expectation. Man, all right, what positive changes have occurred in your life the past year that you're most grateful for changes that occurred. I'm most grateful for Um. I feel like I've become a lot more consistent that practicing acceptance. Um. You know if a lot of times, you know, if things went my way, everything was great, Like I could definitely accept when things go my way, But when things aren't exactly how I would like them to be, you know, there's that that chatter in my mind, that of that frustration of that you know, really that expectation and you know, that resentment starting to form towards people or towards um circumstances. Like that voice was there and it was and for you know, my injury, that voice has been there this season in you know, situations where you know, if I had to accept a little bit of a different role with the teams than I have in the past, and when usually my and my nature is to be like, nah, it's gonna be this way, Like it's got to be the way that I wanted, you know, like that addiction alcoholism is the disease of instant gratification, Like I need things to be exactly how I want them to be when I want them to be that way. And for me, this season has been a lot of teaching. Like I talked about how it's been a test, it's it's taught me a lot of like, um, I can't force my own agenda, I can't force my own way. I can't be out here talking about God's will when my actions and my thoughts and my emotions to keep leading me back towards my will, and we know where my will has consistently gotten me. So for me, I feel like it's really been learning and trusting what acceptance is and how powerful it is because then when even when things don't go my way, if I practice acceptance, I'm able to show up and serve, like because I'm not caught up in that emotional turmoil. I feel it and I allow it to go because you know, it's really the outcomes aren't really what's most important to me. It's really more so like what's being done, what work is being done in me and through me in the process, and I'm I'm able to you know, especially in the second half of this season, I've been able to use that as you know, just a way to show up better and then to know that you know, producing or not healthier or not, like I have a valuable perspective to give. And you know, God is still trying to use me no matter what may be going on. But if I'm caught up in my expectations and my resentment and how I want things to go, and I let those and when those things don't happen, they affect me emotionally, and I let that impact how I show up. You know, God can't use me the way that he really wants to. So this year for me that really practicing acceptance because before I feel like I knew acceptance and I was like, yeah, acceptance, it's the answer to all my problems, like we always talk about. But as far as practicing it, I don't feel like it was there, but this past year, especially the latter half, really taught me and took me through the fire to do that. Yeah, I think it's one thing to say it, but I'm an observer of you, especially if I can be at a game or watch watch you or even on TV, and just the body language and when you're embodying that acceptance, which I've noticed that since you've been back on the field, Like I've just said, like you're just you're having fun, Like it's fun out there right right, And it's like when we're resisting, Like resistance is you know, where all of our pain comes from, all of our pain stress, it's like wanting the moment to be something that it's not. I want to be on the field for this play. I want to I want to be healthy, right, But there's a lot of acceptance. There's a lot of freedom in that, in that word, and I think when for you, it's like when our internal world can match our external world and vice versa, Like that's really freedom and that's when we're really embodying that bodying freedom and embodying acceptance. And I just watching your growth and seeing the difference, especially this year when it you know, statistically and being on the field, it hasn't gone your way, but yet I feel like you're happier than you've ever been. Yeah, yeah, Which it comes back to acceptance a great great lessons so for me, positive changes. So it's I feel like one of my big intentions in one of my healing journeys was to find my childlike heart, which is interesting because the question was, yeah, what part of you do you want to reclaim? And that was it for me because I realized like I didn't really laugh out loud very often, which even when I would do it, it didn't sound natural or there was something there. And I remember telling my mom about this. She's like, that's interesting. It's like I don't really do that either. So I don't know if I got it from her or like where where that shift happened, but just joy and having fun again, um dancing. I feel like before last year or two years ago, I never really danced it almost looking back on it feel like I was like locked up or something. And then you know, just finding great music or going to a good show and where the music can truly be medicine and the music when when you're dancing and the music's actually actually moving through you. You don't have to think about like what your dance moves are. You're just like in the flow. So I think that's a really positive change for me. Is just like having more fun. I remember, I go to the beach and I see kids playing on the beach and they're like my teachers, like that childlike heart, that innocence to like see the beauty and building a little messy sandcastle and all those things. I'm like, they're they're teaching me so much. I think as we grow older, we get hard, we get hurt, and we start to get hard and we start to protect, you know, and so we just have to remember like that that purity of the kids and the joy that they find. They have been like my greatest teachers this year. Absolutely. Man, It's like just having the ability, as you know, adults to really play, you know, like like you said to Coneck, that child like enjoy Like for me, that's music or you know, just like laughing hysterically with no you or my teammates or my friends. It's like, you know, we lose so much of that in trying to pursue or accomplish or you know, check these goals off the list, that we forget that life is to be enjoyed. You know. Yeah, it's like not that serious, you know. I think we take life so seriously and it's like we just have to remember to have fun. And sometimes we get caught in the checking off the items on the to do list, or it's just the stressors and everything being thrown at us, or caught up watching all the things in the world that are going wrong. But there's so much good and so much joy, and a lot of that happens in nature, which I know you get out in nature a lot, and it's just an essential part of getting grounded and finding that connection again. So what risks have you taken that UM, You're glad you took. What risks have I taken that I'm glad I took? M HM. I would say it was a risk for me to UM you know, like a big thing this year for me was I uh, I associate my my physical body not being UM healthy with being a failure. So for me, like a risk I had to take was to UM be willing to step out there and to continue to UM do this podcast, continue to do my music, continue to UM show, up and offer like advice and words to like young guys on the team because um, in that time, like you know, I kind of I naturally want to retreat. Um. But and you know, they were you know, people on social media, people everywhere that are telling me what I shouldn't be doing and what I should be doing and what I should be focusing on things like that. And whereas before, like you know, because I was performing well in the field, my music was welcomed, this platform was welcomed. So I had a moment there where it was like, you know, I can either let people in the world around me dictate whether I do the things that I love to do and that I enjoy doing and that filled me up, or I'm just gonna you know, do what they recommend and just limit myself to just getting back on the football field. So that's a risk for me. I know that. You know, there's not a lot of guys that are you know, putting out music in the NFL much less like you know, you can you could go down the list, like sign a new contract. You know, should be out there, should be doing this, but he over here doing music and it's like, you know, people gonna throw tough words at you and taking that risk to even walk through that because I'm so much of a people pleaser, you know, I've always want to have this fear of disappointing people, letting people down, and you know, but there has to be a balance and that of course, you don't want to let people down. You want to you know, as your most authentic self. You want to do right by others and show up the way that you show up. At the end of the day, it's like, I can't not do what I love to do just because it's it looks risky or it looks dumb to other people. No matter how it looks, I gotta be able to step through that. So I can't come on this platform and talk about how you know, I'm overcoming people pleasing, but in a moment like that, I would have chosen to retreat. So that was a big moment for me this year, when you know, it wasn't gladly accepted for me to do what I love to do in the circumstances that it was in, but I still did it, and I feel like that was that was that that was big for me. Yeah, I'm so proud of you for doing that it's so bad. I mean, the social media part of it is so bad. And from my perspective, you see people commenting and you're you know, well, you know, we're posting stuff about the podcast on Instagram, and then you have comments like you should be out on the field what are you doing, and like you're not allowed to like come out, come over here for an hour and and fulfill your passion. Like your whole identity is football, and if you're not doing that, you can't be doing anything else. It's like that shut up and dribble thing that was told to Lebron James. It's it's insane. It's uh, there's a lot of pain out there. And it's when when Darren I always talk about the four Agreements a lot, and you know, not taking things personally as a superpower. So when somebody is saying anything to you, whether oh, Darren, you're so awesome, or Darren, get back out on the field you know you took the money and ran or whatever, it's like it's neither way. It's it's not personal. Everything everybody says, it's just a projection of their own reality. And when you can come from when you can see it from that place and stays stay neutral. Um, you take your power back. It's a superpower. It's we're human beings and it's not like we're never going to take things personally, but it is essential. And I have a lot of compassion for you, but even more so for guys in the league that don't have these tools, that like just aren't you know, the tools are there. Um, not everybody has maybe had them presented or is willing to like use the tools, but they're there. But if I can't even imagine what it would be like to not have those tools or the capacity to like take a step back. And you know, even the younger generation, maybe a little bit younger than you, and they're young twenties that are just on social media all the time and reading all of those comments, Man, that just it breaks my heart to see what they're having to deal with without having the tools. Yeah, there's a lot of negative energy to take in and to sift through and to filter through. Yeah, like you said, there's so many guys in there, and you know, we're not told directly, but indirectly we're told that, you know, our performance is what makes us who we are. You know, how we show up out there on that field is all that matters. We provide entertainment for these people, and you know, I feel like if given the opportunity to consciously view the situation, I'm sure there are a lot of people. Most people out there would would view us as human beings if they were able to be in a space they were able to view us as that. But whatever pain they're going through, whatever they're distracted by with whatever they consume on day to day basis that has them in a space that they're in, they just demand entertainment from us. And you know, I wish a lot of guys could, you know, talk about, be aware of and practice some of the things that we talk about, and I wish they didn't have to go through what we went through to to know those things. So those guys are always you know, on my mind, praying for them, sending them energy to them when I'm meditating this, Like, you know, you want these guys to see what really matters before they get into a jam when they're no longer suiting up and then it's like, oh shit, who am I? Yeah, there's a lot there. I think for me, the biggest risk, it doesn't feel like a risk now, But I think with nine years of sobriety doing a psilocybin mushroom journey that looking back, I mean, you know, being not putting anything in my system for nine years and then having this identity as like a sober person, which I still consider myself that today was a risk. But I had people that were in sobriety that went before me that in a sense gave me permission to do the same, and it was one of the most the most transfer at the time, the most transformational day of my life. I feel like I got a lifetime's worth of therapy in you know, a five hour session. And you know, some some people question not many did, but a few people questioned that my own sobriety. And it comes back to that not taking things personally, and it's okay, Like I totally get it because I used to do the same thing early in my sobriety where I would maybe see someone that said they were sober and they were doing these these plan medicine journeys and I would be judging them. So I get it. But I think looking back, like, you know, I feel more sober than ever. It's you know, it's just like another level for me, I kind of call like a sobriety two point zero if you will. It wasn't about numbing out, that's all. The only reason I took pills and did drugs was to numb out and to not feel. And this was all about feeling. And really it's just like busted my heart wide open and gave me, got me closer to God, have a deeper connection. I think that's we're all really looking for anyways, is just to fill that kind of God's shape toll in our hearts. And so you know, if if you can use and in a medicine with intention to get to that place, amazing. But really the work is in the integration afterwards and what you do with it. It's like getting out of rehab and going to aftercare. What's your aftercare plan going to be? You know, my first time out it was like I'm gonna do it my way. Well that didn't work very well, right, So it's like how you how you show up after you have these experiences. It's really what it's all about. So, um it felt like a risk at the time, and um, now it was one of the greatest decisions that I've ever made. So facts you know, yeah, I think of as you were talking. I think of like step eleven in the twelve Step program. It's like we sought to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood him. And you know, I see you improving that contact, like I see you trying to grow and have more depth spiritually. And you know, my sponsor always tells me it's like, you know, it's really between you and God at the end of the day, Like you know your journey, you know, if you're just trying to like get high or not, Like if you're just if you're taking shrooms to just get lit, like that's a whole different discussion. But it's like to really deepen your spiritual journey, to really put you in a place to where you can continue to show up for the world around you in an even better way and even higher vibration. Like that's what it's all about, you know, because there's a lot of people out there that are sober and miserable, sober in and not trying to improve that contact sober and thinking that, um, just not taking drugs and drinks is what the answer is. But it's really just the beginning. It's really just you stepping through the door and really being in that realm. Now it's like okay, Like now I really have to deal with life and I really have to figure out, you know, who I am in this whole thing, and you know, it's a it's a scary deal. And we I know there has to be a power greater than me in the picture. And that's why I see things the same way you did, Like you know, even for me, this this past year has been my first time doing the psychedelic journeys. I've done kedem Me with my therapist. I've done a buffo in the setting with you and Don and um, those things have been amazing for me. It's been confirmation for me that I'm on the right path. It's a confirmation for me that you know, for me to continue walking in my purpose bas and continuing to do the things that I do despite what anyone may say, despite any fears that I may have. So yeah, taking that risk is the best thing that we could ever do and that anybody listening could ever do. Yeah. Man, it's it's amazing. It's amazing medicine. And I just think that I remember calling my sponsor after like I told him before, and then it talked to him afterwards, and he said, I'm so proud of you, which was like amazing to hear because I wasn't quite sure like howl response would because he's like, the truth is your sobriety only matters to you. He said, I can go out and get a forty year chip tomorrow and no one's gonna know, but I'm gonna know. And to hear that was really affirming from him, who I respect greatly, that it was it was the right decision, you know. It's just like something that I trusted, and I believe that God speaks through the mouths of other people. And as I moved to San Diego, it just came up in almost like all these different conversations and I was like, okay, yeah, I'm listening, and so yeah, beautiful risk um lots of lots of like not a lot of change on my outside world, but my inner world, and just spirituality and an open heart and more intimacy, like intimate conversations with men with women like it's it's definitely benefited me. I don't think it's for everybody. Don always says the medicine is for everybody, but not everybody is for the medicine. So it's like something you have to be ready for, um. But it's the most transformational thing I've ever experienced for sure. All Right, what beliefs do you hold now that you didn't hold a year ago? Pooh man, these shift questions, y'all know, we might get some silence in between these questions because these are reflection questions, so like you might get some radio silence on here for a minute, because these are these are deep well beliefs do I hold now that I didn't hold a year ago? I really believe that I have something to offer um the world without football being in the picture. Um. You know, you and I have talking transparently. You know, I don't know how much longer I even really want to to play the game of football. Like there's like you get out there and you get a rush. I mean you look at games like you know these these past few and it's like, you know, the love for the game is there and to play and to be out there and play in it's in its purest form. But you know there are sometimes you know, just to be real like where it's just it's so much of my time, so much of my years, so much of my day, and I know it's what I do, but it's not who I am. And the times I get home and it's like, you know, I'm kind of worn down, and it's like the things that I know that I want to do that in my purpose, like I like the energy and to do when after my day is over. So it's just like, you know, things like that. But coming to this space where it's like, you know, that's why I feel like this this season, going the way that it has has been a great teaching moment for me, because this game is not gonna be forever, nor do I want it to be. I'm grateful for this taught me. I'm grateful for the way it's helped me to want to show up for my body, show up for myself mentally, spiritually, and how that's translated into a better me showing up on the field. But um, you know, I feel like the belief of really knowing and believing that, Like when I first got sober and coming back into the league and you know, making a splash or whatever I was, I was starting to believe it, you know, with like development of my foundation, us coming together and doing the work that we were doing as well as with my sponsor and other men that really helped me out a lot. It's like I was starting to believe it then, but I felt like, you know, I was still so much in like making football work, making making things happen on the field, and having the this platform and having just my vulnerability, my authenticity compliment the football, Whereas now I truly believe that, you know, football is just a part of me. It's not like who I am in my authenticity and how I'm trying to show up. It's not complimenting the football portion. Like the football portion is an added benefit and the added blessing of just me showing up as who I am, and I love doing it. But I feel like I'm really truly grasping and believing that I'm gonna be okay when I step away from the game. You know, like we've we're doing the preparation. We do it every day and I try to maintain consistency and that. But yeah, I really feel like I'm starting to believe that. Now I can sit here and not have the voice of my head being like, man, no, you don't, you don't believe that, But like I can really say that now and know that I am further along that path and really stepping into that belief now when I say it, yeah, man, I'm just so proud of you because this just this belief system and this perspective that you have. It doesn't just appear overnight. Once again, it's a direct reflection of the consistency of the work that you put in every single day. We were talking about journaling before. I remember, you know, probably a year and a half, year and a half ago, you came and stayed at my place and just how dialed in your morning routine was. And here I'm coaching you and I'm looking at looking at the things that you're doing in the consistency, and it had me stepping up my game seeing that. But it's to see where you're at and that knowing of it's this, not this outside stuff, not this game that's going to fulfill me. We've talked about this a lot like that is such a slippery slope and me losing baseball that's what almost killed me. That's like the core wound. Yes, there was some massive surgeries and overprescribed pain killers, but when I got honest and went into rehab, it was like I didn't want to feel the emotional pain of the loss. And so we talked about this when we first met. It's like, you better who you are when the game ends, because it's gonna end for you. Um, it's gonna end either with an amazing retirement ceremony or it's gonna end with an injury. You just never know. So you better know who you are. And I've said this many times, like you know it could end for Darren tomorrow and he's gonna be fine, like more than fine because of the foundation, your literal foundation, but the foundation that you've laide and these other passions that you have. And you know when it's rooted in service, which you know even in the lyrics of your music, like there's all intention in those uplifting lyrics or serving people. Like when it's when it's rooted in service, you're always going to be taken care of. What about you, man, you know, well, beliefs do you have now that you can believe and stand on and be confident in and not have that voice in your head chirp at you like I said about like you don't you don't believe that? Like what do you believe now about yourself that you didn't believe a year ago. Yeah, I think I think it goes back to probably the plant medicine, because it was just under a year ago. Was the second week in January when I went through that journey, and so a year ago at this time, I didn't necessarily believe that this was possible for something for somebody in sobriety. I think I was still stuck in the fixed belief of like, it has to be a certain way, it has to be no substances at all, you know, and that's just that's I just wasn't open to it. So that's obviously shifted. And what's really cool is because of those same people that gave me permission, my sober men friends that had done it before me, that I trusted, that I know we're locked in on their sobriety, and it saw it and I know their intention. They gave me permission, and then so me, I shared my story. I just share most of my stuff on social media, the journey all the way back from you know, I don't know ten years ago or when I started on Instagram. So I've talked about it, and it's given other people in recovery. Many people have come now after me because I just shared my story and gave them permission. So it's really cool. And I get to kind of coach and coach some of my clients now around integration after they do a medicine journey because that that that follow up work is so important. You know, if you're just like chasing a psychedelic experience and you're not really like doing anything after you have this experience and it's really just an experience that you had, like whoa. But the beauty for me, a lot of it has come in the actual integration and then you know, having these certain visions and the things that I can see because the psychedelics will break through the limitations of the mind and go somewhere that that's just been like these pathways in our brain because we've been thinking the same thing for so long, we just can't really think or see another way. And so to bust through those and then to actually implement them into my life, that integration part has been almost as magical as the actual experience itself, Like just visions and certain things that I've seen and I'm just trying to take action on it all. So yeah, I think that would definitely probably be my answer for that one. Yes, all right, what was one of your absolute favorite moments from this last year and what did you love about that moment? What was the moment? I love absolute favorite moments from this past year. M Man. It's hard to like compare them, you know, it's hard to and it's just like a full year. I can take. I can take this first one if you want to think about it fore, yeah, yeah, go ahead and take it. Well, I'm thinking about you know, we both share the love for Rufus dou soul um Man of Festing, getting those guys on our podcasts at some point, which we know is going to happen. But being in New York City with you and Zach watching that show, I think that whole trip in New York City was amazing because of course we got to go there and do our thing and be of service and interview Zach. We did a one day event that included yoga meditation, and we interviewed Zach for the podcast, and Darren sang at the end of it and serenaded everybody in shavasana, which was such a beautiful moment. But I think that weekend and just being able to experience and go to that show because I think we booked the show first, Yeah, right, and then we created the event around that, which was like I still have this picture, Like there's a picture I have somewhere where it's just I think Zach maybe took it and you're standing there and I'm just sitting there with my arms up just like so happy listening to them. So yeah, that was a beautiful experience for me, no doubt. Man, that was a good times. Man Versus is like one of my my favorite artist now, But not to go down that road too much. My favorite moments in this past year, I would say, um, like getting into a new relationship. Um, it's been an incredible journey, without a doubt, probably my absolute favorite moment from this past year. And with me, you know, just a lot of relationship troubles from before, you know, um, you know, fear of commitment, but um, you know, um, for me, like I always wanted like the instant gratification. I always want to choose what's convenient. And there's a lot of things in a relationship that may appear like they're convenient, but it's not necessarily the right choice as far as like continuing to build the foundation for the relationship. So there's times where you know, I've you know, made mistakes in that and been like and reflecting on it and be like, man, like, these are things that one should know you start shooting yoursel to death. But it's like, you know, I need to learn in this because it's just been toxicity before this. Now, so being able to come into a relationship and learn and to grow and to really, you know, have somebody become like the closest person to you, the person that you want to spend the most time with, it's been amazing. I went to Zion National Park at the beginning right after the twenty twenty one season ended, and that was incredible, Like it took my like I loved nature before that, but going there, I was just like I felt like a grain of sand on the beach, like just minuscule and the grand scheme of things and just to be in awe like that. It was incredible. So now I'm just like, I want to go everywhere. I want to go to Wyoming and Montana and all the parts in Utah, which is things I never thought that I would say, so I would feel like that is another one of my favorite moments. And then for me, it's just like the the simple moments, like the first time we went to h to dinner at Tokamadera, and even the second time. But it's just like having all the people that I love that come from so many different walks of life, you know, some that have you know, been in jail, some that are, you know, like just the different experiences we've all had, and how we've been able to come to a place and to you know, come together and just have meaningful conversations with one another, eat food, laugh. You know, it's just things like that, you know, playing cards with my friends, spoken a cigar in the garage, like having my parents in for Christmas. Like it's really just the simple moments, you know, it's not really more so the grand moments. It's not really about what I'm doing, but more so who I'm doing it with. Yeah, that that crew on Sunday Night was super special, And you're right, like all walks of life from Crazy Stories, but a lot of friends of the show. They're friends of the show, Drew Robinson, Mark Rose like, and then it's it's what's cool is this? This show really brought a lot of that crew together. Right Um, I was talking to Braden hearing his story about his mom and like, those are the moments. Yeah, I'm glad you brought up Yeah that yeah, no doubt. Yeah. So like both times at Toca and then just also for me, it's you know, I always want to see you happy and fulfilled. And it's not like the on the field stuff is whatever, right, but it's the other stuff that creates balance. And so just to sit back and see that joy and have all those special people around, that was a that was a very beautiful day. Facts. Okay, how would you describe yourself right now? And and maybe what do you love about the person that you are right now? How would I describe myself right now? My mind always goes to the phase progress, but not affection, because I see myself growing in a lot of ways, growing in acceptance, growing in growing away from people, pleasing, um, stepping into new beliefs and new experiences that are helping me be more okay with ambiguity and the anxiety of the future. Um. You know, but what I love most about who I am is that I'm just like continuing to seek, you know. Um. I feel like with a lot of men that I may have watched, Uh, no matter what the field they're in music, sports, business. Like. So there's a lot of men in society that achieve a certain number of things and it somehow gives them a pass to think that they may know everything, or that they don't have to continue to learn, that they don't have to continue to grow. And I've seen so many examples like that. But there's the thing that I love about myself is I still love to continue to learn and to continue to be impacted and taught. M Like I'm taking piano lessons. I'm like maybe almost three months into it, loving it, you know, still trying to meet with my my my sponsor every week, reading new books, getting punched in the gut by the books that we read, and him just saying things to me, and I'm just like he's so right, and it hurts sometimes it's just like ah, all right, bro, like but still and uh, you know, even even talking to you directly or indirectly, hearing things that you say. But I'm proud of myself for not getting to this point because there are things that I have accomplished, things that I have been able to do where I could be like I'm straight, like I can keep back, like I don't need to continue to grow or continue to learn. Like I've already written my comeback story. But I feel like for me, like my comeback story is like never ending. There's always more. Um not more to do, but just more to experience, more to live through, more to walk through, more to bring people along with me through. UM. So I like what I love about the most about myself is still willing to learn, still willing to get punched in the face a couple sometimes to learn. However the lesson needs to get through or for me to grow. UM, I'm willing to take it. Kind of want to piggyback on your answer. So how UM I would describe myself right now? I think the word that keeps coming up is just open hearted. I think I feel like sometimes we safety as a word. We've talked about it. UM. That's that's been very clear for me of just being like, you know, something that came up on my UM the second journey that I did with Buffo, the first journey with Buffo, the second psychedelic experience that I did, but just dropping into that and saying the words I'm safe out loud, and it just reminded me that I've done everything I've done my whole life was to feel safe. And the way that I would that would show up is through validation, caring what other people think, people pleasing, all external stuff, and so to feel that connection in that presence to God and to be like, oh my god, I'm gonna be fine, Like I'm totally fine, I'm safe. It really gave me a better understanding of why I did what I did for so long. And then just to have apt sports and baseball and everything's performance and statistics and you've got to play good for the coach to like you, and then the coach that you got to get a scholarship. So it's just like so deep in me and I feel like that word is justum, I need to find it within. But then it's also super important for me to be a channel of love and safety for others, you know, And I again, you can only take your people as far as you're willing to go. So it's like I've identified that and I've realized just how important that is, because I think everybody's just searching for that. That's safety, that freedom. Some people do it by using drugs and alcohol like we did, and some people hide in their work some people close their hearts and then other people transmute that that pain and whatever they're they're going through into a greater purpose. And it's just given me a whole new perspective on the world and everybody. There's a lot of people struggling out there, which is why we why we did this podcast. There's a lot of pain out there. I went to a show of these musicians there DJs called Autograph the day before New Year's Eve. Great guys, but there's a really young crowd and I'm really I feel energy more than I ever have, and it was like a lot of young pain, like young kids, and the music the pain kind of goes away because music is like medicine, right and it makes everybody happy. But I couldn't help but feel like, Wow, there's younger generation is just like really struggling right now. And I think a lot of it has to do with social media idea and technology. And you know a lot of those young young kids going through COVID in their high school years or college years, COVID was affected to them. So I just felt it. So it's just give It's given me a lot of compassion, a lot of a lot more compassion for the world. So from what I love most about myself, I think I'll just kind of piggyback of yours is just growth, like willing to grow. Like I always just say, I know nothing. I just want to keep learning growing. I don't know anything. So when we get guests in here, like we had Tracy last week, or Mark Roves, which will be coming out soon, all of our guests, I'm like, Wow, I don't know anything. Michael Gervais, I mean that guy like that level of it is just great to be a sponge and selfishly be able to have these conversations and prepare for these podcasts and hear their interviews and just learn so much. But then you know, guys that I've looked up to that are kind of like celebrities in my eyes, and now we're sitting here having like the most real, deep, meaningful conversations with them. A beautiful album. All right, let's get a couple more questions in before we wrap up this New Year twenty twenty three reflection. Which one do I want to go with here? What would you do next year if you knew you could not fail? Oh? Man, I don't know if people are ready for my real answer, don't don't give it then, yeah, don't do it? Oh man? If people not ready for my real answer, Um, would I do this next year? If I knew I could not fail? Uh? Pooh man? Do I get a people for my real answer? No? Oh man, take this one first. I'll take it first. So I think for me, it's been um, just speaking more like public speaking stuff. I've done some public speaking, not on like a massive, massive stage with thousands of people, but definitely hundreds and and I've taught yoga classes in front of a thousand people in New York City and that's amazing. But yoga is different than public speaking, and so for me, it's really just stepping stepping that up and dialing in whatever my story is going to be. I mean, we tell our story all the time. But I think for me, I've been playing a little bit small and there's probably some imposter syndrome in there of just like, yeah, it's just different. Teaching a yoga class. I like channel and I can it's not me speaking. It's like God is speaking through me. But when I'm sitting there talking in front of a large group, there's just I'm in my head a little bit more I'm afraid I'm going to mess up. But I've also taught thousands of hours of yoga classes that haven't spoke that much. So I like I've like dialed that practice in or that presentation in. So I think for me, it's just going to be speaking on a larger stage. I mean, our podcast is called comeback Stories. These opportunities are coming and so it's like I'm I'm really doing myself in the world a disservice to not help people, um understand how to write their own comeback story. Wow, I mean you really take the words of my mouth. I feel like for me, UM, if I knew, I wouldn't fail, I definitely, um, you know, take a public speaking um journey seriously because I like sharing my story and meetings and you know, going to you know, different places all around Big Vegas and just you know, being real and being authentic. I guess I can get in my head sometimes and be like, well, you know, public speakers man, like they're likeam bam bam bam. Like I'm just going up there and I'm just winning it. Like I'm just you know, keeping it a buck and telling them about what I've been through. What I still go through, um, and how I'm still trying to push forward. So I feel like in some ways, I'm like I may think I'm like not qualified, um for some reason, but um, you know, I know that's something that I'm gonna have to step into and uh, regardless of if i'm you know I've heard or like if you can't do it, brave, do it afraid, like and just and step into it, because I know I gelp on stage and I and I words start coming out of my mouth. It's like, oh, I know what I'm Oh, I know what I'm doing. Like I'm just being me, Like I'm just sharing what I've been through. And uh, really, like I said, it kind of stems into um, like I was I was talking about earlier of believing that I bring a lot to the table outside of the game of football, and you know, this is a realm where I haven't stepped into professionally or you know, done everything I can to be the best version of myself at But UM, I would step into that and really take it seriously and try to take it to the highest possible level, not just for me, but for whoever could possibly be impacted by it, whether it be like going to college football programs or you know, speaking in front of the businesses, speaking in anything like that. So that that's what I would do if I couldn't. Yeah, answers, you do it all the time, and you make it look real easy, but I can relate like it's just different. All of a sudden, you're on a stage, like you can get up there and again it comes so natural to you. Maybe we can keep keep each other accountable to that this year, and we don't really ask much of our audience, but you guys can keep us accountable too and check in to see how that how that training is going, so we can, you know, get comfortable being uncomfortable. And I think the I think the biggest fear in you know, they've done their studies on what is the greatest fear, and I think public speaking is um larger than death as far as like the greatest fear or they're they're both up there, which is crazy and a lot of way I don't know, I might be making that up, but those are the top two for sure public speaking. Yeah, all right, let's go for two more answers, Um, what do you need to release in your life? And then how can you let go of those things to create something new? M What do I need to release? Um? I need to release people pleasing. There's been there's been strides made in it. I don't feel like I show up into every room, Uh, in every activity that I do, I'm like, what would so and so think? What would fans think? What would anyone think? But there are situations where you know, there's that something inside of me that is to be like you know, to make sure somebody may seeing what I was doing, or like you know, if I'm whether it be on the field or you know, I want you know, people to accept the music that I make or things like that. And it's like, you know, there's a natural design. I thought, there's a natural human desire to want to um have people respect you, have people um appreciate you and love you. But um, you know me and my disease. You know what I'm saying. I like to take things to the extreme and overdo it. Um you know, have it run wild to where it's like, you know, if everyone doesn't ruin me, no one does. Like that's been what my interconditioning has always been. And then I'm still you know, five years into unlearning, but twenty five is or five is less than twenty five, you know what I'm saying. So, um, it's just continuing to grow in that realm and and and just not there's a level of caring that needs to be reacess in a balanced place to where it's like it's not I don't give give a funk about what anybody says at all, but it's also not like what is everyone thinking? It's like finding that middle groundles my sponsor always talks about put on a scale of one to ten, there's two extremes, try to be the five. Try to find that middle ground between the two that just allows you to show up as the best version of yourself because you know, you're not meant to be on this world by yourself, but you're not supposed to live your life depending upon other people as well. So it's just continuing on this journey because it's a it's a wound that I've been holding onto for a long time. You know, talked about this on the very first episode of Comeback Stories, you know, not being black enough, Why are you? Why are you black? And listening to that music? Why are you? Why are you black? And dressing like that, Why are you talk like that? Like those are been things that have been in my head, and you know, you try to do what everybody else is doing for so long and it just leaves you so empty. But even though it's an empty thing, it's still who you've been and trying to change that. You know, there's been lots of progress, but there's still more work to be done. The work never stops. Yeah, that middle ground, middle ground is the holy ground. I think my one of my teacher friends shared that with me, which I love that. Right, it's not like too far one way, it's just finding that middle, finding that place of neutrality. So for me, what do I need to release? What do I need less of? I want to release? Procrastination? I think that's a big thing for me, especially when it comes to for whatever reason, just like business stuff, growing the business. You know, I fairly consistent with social media and posting, but you know, if I were to have a team or someone like helping me with that, all that day would be pointing out on a lot of things that I'm missing. So I'm trying to understand really where that procrastination comes from. If it's like a lack mindset, and it's like a self fulfilling prophecy or is it just being lazy? Sometimes I'm not sure, but I my word of the year. I've been dialing that in and I think it's going to be action. Right, So, like you want to you want to speak, like hire a speaking coach, like figure out your story, have somebody that knows what they're doing actually, you know, create a structured presentation for me or yeah, for us that like that can help you with it. It's like who, not how. Sometimes we get bogged down in the how, like how am I going to do it? How am I going to figure this out? But who can you bring in to support you? And so yeah, that word action is definitely resonating with me in many ways. So yeah, let's get rid of that procrastination and get into action. Baby. Action creates transformation, so we gotta gotta make it happen. All right, let's go for one more one more question? Okay, what do you need more of in your life? We'll end there what do you need more of? And then how can you make space for that? Which we kind of just talked about with the releasing What do I need more of? M M? As much as I have great people around me, I still need more connection. I still um have these times where I feel like isolating. UM. So it's just continuing to seek that connection because when I'm in it and when I'm amongst people that I know that are you know, walking the same walk as me, talking about the same things as me, trying to you know, pursue purpose in a way that I am, I'm like, I feel safe and it's like I just as much as that's been a big emphasis for me, and just from moving to Vegas, really um, they're still like UM to feel fully comfortable in and to continue to seek it out more than I want to seek isolation. Um is uh, it's what I need more of. It's just more of that rootedness and you know, just that feeling of being of being safe, you know, um, because there's always been that um weird I want to say edginess, but it like that social anxiety of just of of being around people, and that still shows up. But it's it's it's so many people that show up for me as the way that I am and love me the way that I am. UM, that it's just that that irrational fear or that just that irrational thought of wanting to be lonely, you know. And that's that's the disease that I deal with on day to day. You know, we talk about addiction, to talk about alcoholism, like it ain't about the drinks and drugs, Like it's about like what's going on? And this fella appear up top, you know, between the ears, and it always wants to isolate. Um. That voice wants to um. That voice is you know, resentful, it's it's restless, it's irritable, and it's discontented, you know. And uh, and it always thinks that I have the ability to find the solution to that by myself, um, behind closed doors or in my cave, like I like to call it, so um, you know, seeking that connection out being around people on a regular basis, you know, picking up the phone. It's still, um, not the easiest task. You know, It's much easier than it used to be. But there are still moments to where it's like like I'd rather just spend this night by myself or do this by myself when it's like, you know, I don't know how much time I have here, and you know, it's best for me to spend time with people like the Bible says it's not God said himself, it's not good for man to be alone, you know. So um uh, that's something that I need to continue to seek more of and not put a cap on it. You know. Ah comes back to balance at the end of the day, as everything does. You know, you need solitude, you need silence, you need time for reflection. But overdone is turns into isolation. Isolation is the worst thing that could be for people like us. Yeah, we know that the opposite of addiction is connection. And connection I feel like is the pathway or vulnerability is really the pathway to connection. So we have to be open to that. But I think when we're closed off, right, when we're closed off in our hearts, closed we're disconnected from within, then we ultimately will disconnect from without or from outward. For me, I think I need more help, and a lot of that is really just business stuff, Like I think, I try to do it all myself, and there's a lot of that stuff I don't want to do. I like posting on Instagram. The only thing I like is the captions, like my words. The whole process of all the rest of it. I just really don't enjoy and I need help in that. I need help as far as which I've hired and talked to like a money coach, you know, just people that know more than I do about these areas because I just want I don't want to do all that stuff, and so to dial in and that kid is going to give me more time to focus on the things that I want to do, like just really just carry the message. But I think I get bogged down in a lot of that, and then even just with the speaking thing, right, like a speaking coach, And sometimes for me it's like, oh, but the investment and the money, Like but that lack of mindset of like you're going to have to actually spend a decent amount of money on this, and then I forget about the value that I would get out of it. You know, you spend ten thousand dollars on a speaking coach, Well, you know you do a couple speaking gigs and your investments taken care of. Right. More importantly, like, our mission has always been to reach as many people as possible. So if I'm doing things out of alignment with that and saying no to opportunities because I'm worried that I'm not going to be a good speaker, worried I'm going to mess up a talk. It's out of alignment. And so I feel that pool and I think that's why I'm redirected back to that word of action, and it just it really is going to be a word that pulls me forward because I have a lot of opportunities that just kind of come to me and I'm not really doing shit like I I you know, there's a lot of I look at some of my peers and people that are crushing it in this space and they've got like dialed in consistent social media, as email, marketing, all of that going through. And so I see that and I feel that and like just who not how okay? Who do I need to bring in? And got to get over like the financial aspect of it and just trust that like service, you know, service and love operate on such a higher vibration than money. So the money, like if you're just out there and on a mission to serve, like God's going to take care of us, you know, it's all gonna be good. Amen. He always has He always will. Um for everybody listening, I hope you can take away that, you know, Donnie and I we don't really have everything figured out. We have a lot of things that we love about ourselves, love that we have going, but there are also things that we need more of, that we need to grow further in. And that's okay. I know the same is true for you, because if we were perfect at everything, I don't even really think life in the journey that it is, would really even mean anything to us. Because growth is, you know, the most valuable thing we could possibly pursue and obtain, and with that a piece of clarity and a purpose why we're here at the end of the day. I feel like it's the most important thing. So as you go into twenty twenty three, show some compassion to yourself, but also hold yourself to a high standard. Find that balance in between the two where there's love and there's accountability yourself and with people around you, and just know we're here with you. We're always going to be here any questions you may have, any concerns, any thoughts, any burning desires. We're always here, will listen and willing to walk with you along your journey as you do with us. So we're grateful. Yeah, beautiful, this is a good session. For sure. We'll get this out to our audience as close as possible to the new year, for sure. So hopefully you can listen to some of these questions. If anybody wants the questions, probably the easiest way you can DM me on Instagram and I'd be happy to send you the list. Darren and I only got through probably nine of the twenty or so questions, so there's plenty more. But if you can take dedicated time to read these, reflect and actually write, it's a powerful part of laying the foundation for your two thou twenty three. And you know, what the new year will bring to you is going to depend on what you bring. So you know, if you're continue to do the same things you were doing in two thousand and twenty two, you're probably gonna get the same things in two thousand tree. So if you are waiting for a change or waiting for somebody else to change, just know that like if you be the change, be the Standford transformation, be the change you want to see in the world, and just know that you can't do it alone. Reach out, ask for help and take time and just stay in the work. Stay in the work, and whatever you're still holding onto from last year. Just know that to really truly invite anything else in, you have to let go of the old, the old story, the old habit, the unhealthy relationships. It's taking up space. So like life is like this constant release and invite. And that's kind of the beauty of a New Year's e where a reflection there is like what am I letting go of? And then New Year's comes and it's like what am I inviting in? But that's a daily practice. It's not just on New Year's even New Year's Day. This is like every day. You can do this constantly clearing the clutter so that you can make space for the things that serve you and really step into the best version of yourself. For twenty twenty three, I can say any better. Appreciate you guys, Thanks for listening. Oh we're out, what's up? Comebackstories, family, It's Donnie dropping in here. So did you know that Darren and E's relationships started by me being his personal development, mindfulness and mindset coach. I want to let you know about both my one on one coaching program, The Shift, and my group Mastermind Elevate your Purpose. These coaching programs are specifically designed for people who are ready to take the next step in their purpose and level up their career, personal finances, and have more connected, deep and meaningful relationships. My gift and part of my purpose is to help others take that next step and leveling up their lives so that they can have a greater impact on the lives of others, create success that sustainable yet evolves and grows, and help build a legacy that will outlive your life. If this is calling you, just go to Donnie Starkins dot com and apply for either one of my programs.