David Meltzer's Comeback Story

00:00:09 Speaker 1: All right, welcome back everybody. We're here for another episode of Comeback Stories, and today's guest is our first repeated guests. He's a three time international best selling author, a Top one hundred business coach, the executive producer of entrepreneurs number one digital business show Elevator Pitch, and the host of the top entrepreneur podcast, The Playbook. His life's mission is to empower over one billion people to be happy. So this simple yet powerful mission has led him to an incredible journey to provide one thing value and in all of his content and communication, that's exactly what you'll receive. And David Melser, you've already provided so much value to my life and Darren's life, and you're the reason that we're actually sitting in this beautiful podcast studio with Blue Wire Studios at the Win Hotel. So it's great to have you back again in the flesh. Yeah, man, what it's great to be here just proving, you know, being kind to your future self and you do good deeds and they seem to come back to you again and again. And you guys are blessings in my life, both of you. In the message and stories I've been able to listen to every episode of years now, so just amazed by the good that you're doing in the world. And Donnie, fortunately you weren't good enough to do it to my chargers, but everyone else. I love what you're doing on the field as well. Appreciate you. It means a lot. It's awesome. Well, we wanted to take a little bit of a different direction because if our listeners have been following, they've heard your story. But I was hoping just to maybe fire awesome questions to the two of you and maybe chime in a little bit on those those questions with my own answers, but just put the focus on on you guys today and some of your experience and your strength and your hope and why you guys are in the position you're in today and sitting here back on comeback stories. I love it. Let's do it so, David, first, once for you, how do you deal with challenges and step back and failures. It's one of my favorite things because my relationship to pain has changed over the years. I started by seeing setbacks, failures and mistakes as punishment, and I would actually worsen the punishment by beating myself up over the mistakes, the failures, and the setbacks, and then creating more mistakes, failures, and setbacks. And it was a vicious cycle. But once I incorporated faith into my life, understanding that, this is where my life changed. Donnie and Darren. When somebody told me that the way I feel about my own children is great, but what I would do for my own children what I care about. But there's a source out there, you can call it what you want, that is omniscient, all powerful, and all knowing that feels the same way about me. It changed my entire perspective of pain, setbacks, failures, and mistakes because now I knew, just like when I was a kid reaching out for the fire, even though I thought the fire was what I wanted, that the pain that my mom caused me to reach into the fire is exactly what happens when I look for the wrong job, the wrong business partner, the wrong school, the wrong team, the wrong ideas. It's just source slapping my hand or yelling at me, going no, no, no, you don't know what you don't know. So ping becomes for me an indicator that I have a better place to be, a lesson to learn, a better position to be in. Yeah, that's a lot dealing with setbacks and failures. For me, it's kind of the same with you. Like with God in my life, I feel like He's been able to show me that setbacks and failures are more so like the best ways that I can learn, Like with those setbacks and those failures, Like he shows me like, hey, like you're always gonna have room to grow. And I feel like perfection is one unattainable, but two it signifies an endpoint. And if I say I get the perfection, like, what else is there for me to grow? Where? What else is there for me to learn or to be able to, you know, just enhance who I am as a person. So if I reach that endpoint, that's not conduce it for my life. Like if I can continue to grow, continue to be somebody that's learning and growing until my time on this earth is over, that's the best situation for me and my growth as a person. And as long as I have that, that's where I can pass on to other people. My most valuable asset to this day is my story, which is failure after failure after failure after failure. But as Winston Churchill says, success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm. So it doesn't mean that every result is going to go your way, but it does mean that the things that you can take from that are all going to work together for the good of your situation and others. I love that we're talking about faith and talking about God. I always say that faith. Faith releases the burdens of excessive responsibility, where if we can give it up to the God of your own understanding, higher power, universe, whatever you choose to call it, the burdens that we carry that we think our arts to carry, we can actually release to something greater. But if we don't have that, it's a lot. It's heavy and can weigh you down, and they can keep you in a stuck, small place. So to have that faith and have that foundation, it's unshakable, and I'm glad we're bringing it to service and talking about God. Yeah. If somebody would have told me, I don't know about YouTube, that I would build a brand that somehow was even relative to or synergistic to faith right, which I talk about more than anything, right, I would have laughed at him the same way as saying that you know I'd survived bankruptcy. I have a mentor friend, Joe Polish in the marketing world, who talks about the first Domino, that person in your life, who that first domino, who had that positive impact on you that ultimately allowed you to be a domino for other people. So who is your first Domino? Who? Probably my mom? And you know, I was saying, my kids, I have four of them. They don't listen to me. I got three daughters especially, but they watch me. And you know, from the time I was five years old, to watch my mom raise six kids, five boys, work two jobs, packed my dinner in a paper bag, and all six of us end up. She was the domino, profitable, passionate, and purposeful about what we do. Good people, humans forgiving people, but grateful and accountable people. For me, I was blessed because I think still the greatest person that had the greatest impact on me was the person that cared the most about me, that was there from the very beginning, my own mother. And she didn't ever. I mean, some of the advice my mom gave me, guys sucked. I think a lot of people know my story, but my mom told me when I graduated law school, don't take a job in the internet. The Internet's a fad, It's never gonna work out. This is the type of business advice my mom gave. But watching her reconcile, you know, work ethic with kindness and you know, being unconditional in life has changed my life forever. And although I didn't necessarily learn all the lessons early on, it is a fifty three year old with everything I ever dreamed of. I owe my mom as that hinge pin. My first domino is my dad for sure, mainly because I started to realize this as I got older and kind of and got clean and started to have perspective on things. I realized that, you know, his perspective on when I was get in trouble a lot when I was younger, I was always like, why is he so like calm? Like you could tell there was like a little bit disappointment and frustration because of my actions, but at the same time there was this grace and calm. I'm like, man like why my mom was very firm, but in a loving way, but my dad would always had this grace about him, And I realized now it was that he did some of the same things that I was doing and made some of the same mistakes and went down some of the same paths, and instead of getting mad on me and getting on me like, oh yeah, to do this, this, this, this, expecting me to be perfect in my walk, he showed grace because he knew that he was imperfect. But he still is able to be a great dad, great at his job, great just as far as being somebody that connects people, and when he's in the room, like it just lifts the room up. And that just was a lot. It did a lot for me because there was you know, I was getting in trouble. They were calling them my parents from middle school, principle every week, almost high school, getting the rest of the rest of three times, failed drug tests in college, she got kicked out of college, stuff like that, And he was always there as a voice like these are things experiences you'll be able to learn from and draw back on. And it's not. And he wasn't like beating me into the ground. He was trying to kind of pick me up out of the dirt. He wasn't kicking me when I was down, And I'm just very grateful to him for that. So it's like now when I come across people that are in the same situations I'm in, doing the same habits of the same patterns. I want to show that grace because it's been showing them me, not only by God, but through my dad as well. Wow, I've got to know your dad very well over these last couple of years, and just I see that and feel that calm confidence that he has, and I see you in him with that same calm confidence. And I believe from a leadership standpoint, to me, that's the most influential and sustainable way to lead is through a calm confidence. Right, Like the raw raw stuff is great and there's a time for that, But someone that can carry a calm presence in the midst of the shit storm or the chaos, to me, that is leadership, and that's inner peace. And I feel like inner piece is what really gives us true power when we can be unaffected internally by what's going on around us, or at least be able to come back quicker than most. Yeah, no doubt. I mean identifying what it is that are the triggers as well. And I think you know, Darren, especially you lately have really identified different triggers and identifying it's one thing, but the counterintuite of nature of someone in you know, you guys are hyper aggressive athletes, You're super competitive, so we always want to fight it. Instead of what I see in this inner piece is the grace and the confidence to say, Okay, I'm identifying this need to be offended right, separate and furious supperiings just frustrated, angry, guilty, instead of fighting it, which is my natural fear based need to fight the Freudian fear itself. I'm going to stop. And this is what your father did with you. He stopped, he breathed, He put himself to center, a neutral and it allowed him to look at things and rolling the right trajectory, the higher elevate itself and instead of projecting his insecurity that he's afraid you're going to be just like and make the same mistakes, he was in a state of allowance that piece that you talk about, and I would just take a different direction on my first domino where my parents did have a lot of positive influence, but for me, and this was my comeback story shout out and my story on comeback stories was Sean Corn She's a yoga teacher out of la She's I believe one of the greatest yoga teachers out there, and not like the Instagram yoga stuff you see but I hate to say this, but like the real yoga. But the reason, the reason I'm bringing her up is because she's a reason I'm even sitting here. Because she had asked this soul question one day in a yoga class, and it was how dare we not? And for me, it was how dare I not share my story? When I'm back in Arizona and I'm teaching to a community that on the outside looks like they have it all together, a lot of money out there, big cars, a lot of stuff. But I know these people and I know they're dying on the inside, So how dare I not share my story? And so we were tasked on going into our community and creating the service project. And I created this project and shared my story and from that day everything completely changed for me. The mess, what I was so buried in guilt and shame from my past, all of the failures, all the mistakes in that moment became my best asset and humanized me where people could relate. And it's just wild that the trajectory that that sent me on just by sharing my story so and what's come of it. So I just wanted to bring that up because Sean Korne was definitely one of my first dominoes. That's incredible, And you know, it's interesting you talk about illumination and one of the favorite books I have is Illumination because I find that all the things I was most afraid of sharing, especially with people most intimate to me, have ended up being the thing that bonded me the most. Including now in this digital age, we have bigger communities and you have a fan base that goes outside of just performance, but a fan base that resonates to your frequency. And I think by sharing your true self, I talk about this Shakespearean revival that has occurred with content in number one, it's to thine own self be true? And then two that Donnie explained as the stage theory, how do we capture that essence of who we are and the lessons we've learned in the illumination of that, modify it correctly, which is why the studio is so cool, but amplify it so that more people come out from their own shell and say, God, it's okay, you know what, I've made that same mistake or it's okay, I'm feeling this way. I do feel anxious or worried or scared about this, or you know, I find it even funnier. I cry a lot when I speak or even on interviews. I get choked up. And man, that's not the way I grew up. I didn't even remember my father ever crying. But as so many people think, that's one of the most powerful, courageous things that I do. And yet, you know, still, if you're a woman crying on stage, to think you're weak, if you're a man, all of a sudden, it's a superpower. Yeah. I think that going on your platform and letting your whole self out it gives people permission to let go of like the way of their past. I feel like because they may be able to see somebody like me, and if they don't know my story, they're like, man, he's in the league, he's doing this. But man, I've done this. I didn't get to do this. I missed out on this. But it's like, no, like me putting my story out there, somebody's like, oh man, he did all that and we went through all that and it's still here. Oh, Like, like you said, how dare I not go outter this because I think I can do it too now after seeing this. So when you present yourself in that light, it gives it makes people be able to reach out and touch you and be able to walk in your shoes a little bit. Because sometimes we may seem a little larger than life. We can be super successful and write all these books and do all these things, and people are like, man, that seems insurmountable. But it's like, no, I went I went through these things, and because of these things, I've not been inspired and have a perspective to where I want to share and give this to you so you can keep giving on to somebody else. So it's that's just a power of vulnerability, and it's it's hard. You know, you want to keep it inside, You want to keep it tucked because it's like, no, this is like your secrets. You want to keep them close to you. But when you put your secrets out there, it's not only freeing you, but it's freeing a lot of other people as well. Well. And I say this all the time that pain is part of the shared human experience. It's actually what connects us all. And so when we when we can see that in other people. We see ourselves in other people. So when someone might have a bigger stage like one of you two, it gives people permission. And I think everybody that's sat in this chair, that is the commonality. It's it's the pain, it's the struggle, whether it was self inflicted pain or it was trauma or whatever, it's it's what connects us all. And I think that's the importance of being in the work in personal development and going to therapy and taking care of yourself because what happens, like if you give COVID could be a great example where you would think that would have connected everybody because every no one was immune to it, but you saw all this projection and separation, and it's a direct result of unfaced fear and unfaced trauma. It's interesting you bring up. I'm a big fan of Deep October and I was blessed to have him on my show and I asked him, you know about COVID. I really want to see an enlightened perspective of what grace could be brain or light or enlightenment can be brain from something that brings so much pain and even death to people. And the interesting reflection that he gave was that for the first time on Earth, everyone for the first time ever on Earth, because of the technology we have the communication, exposure and awareness, for the first time on Earth, every single person at the exact same time was concerned about human existence. Never before in the history of the Earth was every human being concerned about human existence. And these are the type of conversations, right that just blow my mind because just when I think, you know, I study so much, so I'm researching to help other people, and I understand and how this is all working, and I'll pursue more, someone like Deepak chop or sad Guru comes up with like this simple statement that completely shifts that paradigm. I hate to, you know, steal your guys the show, but I'd love to know from each of you guys, you know someone that you had met that gave you that little jam or nugget, because one of the things I feel is my m empowerment is to come up with one little thing, you know, like these little lessons that I teach that literally changed someone's life. The same way Deepak with that one statement changed my entire perspective of everything. Was there's something that you guys could think of that, you know, is a saying a quote of mantra that completely shifted you know, was a mind blower or a mic dropper. What changed the game for me was the Four Agreements. Honestly, I remember I was at home and my life was not going well. This was why I just got suspended from the league. And I was just, you know, a vegetable, and my mom tape the Four Agreements to my bathroom mirror and I was in there. I was tight. I was like, man, why she taping stuff in here? Like I don't need to see this, Like I know what I'm doing, Like I'm I'm gonna get right on my own. And I was just sitting there reading it, and I was like just getting gut punched by every single one of them. And it's like, man, like be impeccable with your words. I've been lying for ten years straight to everybody, you know, don't take anything personally what everybody I was thinking. Everybody was out to get me at the time, you know, don't make assumptions. I'm assuming the world is set up against me and doing my best, Like I'm not gonna with all these things against me. Why would I even try to do my best, I feel like my best doesn't even you know, I always end up looking like the bad guy or doing something wrong, and it's just like it's not even worth it. So seeing all those things was just like, Wow, I have serious work to do now. I was like the first time I'd ever been like open minded, because I was, you know, coming out of overdose. I was like, okay, like I gotta kind of get things going, like, but I was still my thinking was still messed up. But then I saw that, and I was like, man, yeah, I'm really like I really need to open my mind up because I'm limiting myself by seeing in this rust. So I'll say the four Agreements. I might actually piggyback off that a little bit with And I don't know who it might have been, ed my lad who said this a while back. We're the most self confident people are the ones that keep the promises they make to themselves. At least that's I think where I hurt it and it really resonated. But it does go back to the four agreements and being impeccable with your word, where if you say you're going to do something, I use this analogy like if you say you're going to go to the gym and you don't go to the gym, it's so much more than gaining weight and getting out of shape. You've now broken a promise that you made to yourself. And so the more that we do that, we feel like crap about ourselves. And you know, the saying hurt people, hurt people. So when we're not feeling great in our self esteem is down, we're so much more vulnerable to the noise, the internal noise that's always going on, but then also the external noise that's going on. So I feel like the more that we make these commitments and we have our morning routines and we say we're going to do these things like do our journaling, do our gratitude, do our meditation, do our morning movement, to me, that is like, that is what sets me up for the rest of the day. And that being impeccable with your word too. When I first heard it, I thought it was just do what you say you're going to do for other people, but it's it's so much more than that. It's about doing what you say you're going to do for yourself. And it's also not getting caught up in gossip. Now that when you're talking shit about somebody else or you're getting caught up in gossip. If you believe in karma, you get what you give. Like you saying that that's coming back to you. So your word, how it's like the two sides of the sword, where it can guide you to truth and love, or it can cut through like a sword and do a lot of damage to yourself and to the world. So I think, yeah, I'm glad you brought that up, because for me, that is something that really sticks with me and I pass along. But I have to remind myself all the time, and I think that's directly related to consistency, and both all three of us, you know, in some sort of recovery, understand how important it is to know our quantum nature and that we have to every day be consistent with our word and do our best. It's so funny because the more I've studied physics, quantum physics and metaphysics, the more I've been educated in a variety of different ways, it comes down to these simple things in life, and one of them has really held true, and it's you brought it up about you know, why should I do my best. And all I tell my children when they go to school or play in a game is number one. Did you do your best? The first thing I ask. That's all I care about. Did you do your best? Not did you make mistakes or fumble the football or spike the faball good flags so the Chargers can win. It doesn't matter whatever you may have done, But did you do your best? Two? Did you learn something? See that takes away all the pain, all the pain of the mistakes you made. So did I learn something? And then three, the most important to me is did you have fun? Are you instituting rule number six in your life? You take yourself too seriously? We're telling your story. I'm sitting here going this poor kid is taking himself so seriously that he's driven himself to a point that everything. Instead of rule number six, And if people want to know rule number one through five, it's go to rule number six. Don't take yourself so seriously, have fun, do your best, learn something, and have fun. Apply those three things to anything you do. I promisely promise you you'll be passionate, purposeful, and even profitable. Yeah, but it's hard, you know. We put so much insist on results. These days and you know followers and all these things and how much money, say your account. It's like, how do I get to that point? And it's like to get to that point, I gotta be serious, I gotta be tens stuff. I gotta be like, no, this has to work and I have to take myself seriously in order to make these results happen. But if you detach from the results, that's where the freedom comes. It's like in with comeback stories. It's like some advice I give on a comeback story is detach from what you want. How long you want your comeback story to be? You might You're not gonna bounce back super quick. You're not gonna bounce back in the window you want, probably, but that extra time that's there is going to provide you with so much more growth and lessons that you never even thought were possible. So if you allow yourself to be in the moment and have fun and not take yourself so seriously, that's when all those present moments can combine and create the life that you want. But the results can take us out of that and have us future tripping. What would you guys say to somebody that maybe grew up in a dysfunctional home, has trauma, or had a really tough upbringing. What advice would you give them to keep moving forward? So I think that's everyone. So I think that's the first thing that I have to tell someone that tells me I have a younger brother as much more wise than I, And I was complaining about how dysfunctional my family was, and welcome to the real world. Right, everybody's family, And so I think just creating a bond of this is everyone, and then too lowering the bar for that person. Like you said, time, time is the greatest contributor to resistance. With a minute, we attached time to an outcome. I want this much money in this much time, or I want to do this by this time. You're now mixing two different worlds, the man made constructive world with the thoughtful, unlimited infinity world. And so what I would do is lower the bar and allow someone to get started. And you guys know this because you're much better athletes than I ever was. Very rarely are the first five minutes of any workout good. Very rarely am I like just raring to go. But I will tell you I've never finished a workout, even in fifty three where I was like, man, I'm so bummed I did that. That sucked. I always feel amazing when I'm done. And I think being able to share that experience with number one, you're exactly like everyone else, You're exactly where you're supposed to be. Let's lower the bar. So what utilize the law of Goya, Get off your ass and take one step forward. The second steps easier, the third steps even easier than that. And I think when there's no judgment, condition or resistance to the progress to allow them to enjoy that can persistent pursuit of their own potential, right, not what other people want for you, not what you don't want, not what's missing. When you can get someone in that mindset, that hard set, they then can utilize the conscious continuum of appropriate activity to learn something, have fun, you know, do what they want to do. What was the question? Yeah, if somebody grew up in a dysfunctional home or had trauma or a a tough upbringing, no, what would you tell them to keep moving forward? I would say, go to therapy. Nice, there's so much more power than you even realize, and talking about something and just being able to put it out there. Then you can kind of put pieces together. You can go back to your childhood and describe what that was like and what moments were like since then, and then you can draw patterns together. You can see how things correlate. They're not just a bunch of random events. All these all the pain, all the confusion, they can all be traced back and tied and have a least common denominator in all those things. And I feel like, if you're not regularly consciously bringing those things to the light, then they're just gonna stay in the dark and grow bigger and bigger until you really want to face them and really want to deal with them. But if they're not being communicated, they're not being expressed in some way or formed, then there's no real moving on. Like my guy Paul Va out here in Vegas, he always asked me, like, are you looking for a relief? Are you looking for freedom? And there are so many things that we can find relief in that for just for a little while, like I feel a little, I feel refreshed, but it's always they're waiting on me whenever I come back down to that regular state. So it's like and I felt the freedom comes from that process of putting myself in it, letting me be in that state, sit in silence, allow these thoughts to come and be like okay, Like then the answers can come, and that's where that path comes from. Yeah, I believe therapy connects the dots, and it also allows you to go back in a safe space and maybe reframe or rewire or attach some different meaning to it, but then also sharing it, just getting out what's side of you, because if you don't get it out, it turns on you and it eats you up from the inside out. It's like what we suppress turns into depression. I think Trent Shelton said that on our show, one of the first shows. And so it's being able to process it and move through it and verbalize it and do it in a safe space where you can kind of attach some different meaning to it and learn and grow instead of maybe staying stuck in victim and not to say you may be worth the victim, but to stay in that mentality where in recovery we talk about how acceptance is the answer to all of our problems, where it doesn't mean we have to like, it doesn't mean it was completely wrong, but at some point we have to accept that it happens so that we can move forward and not stay stuck. You know, listening to both of you, which I love this format, by the way, is your first repeat guest. You know, I feel like I'm on Saturday a live and I'll get a robe and a cigar. But more importantly, I think I sit back here because I'm the oldest, probably the same age as you two together. That you know, life is this onion and every layer that we take off we learn more and more. And I sit here. And your answer was completely divergent from what I thought you were going to say when you said therapy and self. Admittedly, I'm someone who has spent at least the last sixteen years in my own recovery helping other people on a mission. But I never went to therapy until about nine months ago. I suggested it to a ton of people. Right, And once again, you like you talk about dysfunction and these traumas that you know, I didn't even admit to myself sometimes till Sugary Leonard and I were together and he admitted, you know that he was abused as a child, sexually abused, and I was sexually abused as a child at nine, and I just blacked it out and until it was like a blackout that well, I don't need therapy. You know, Donnie and Darren need therapy, not Dave Meltzer. I got it all together. You know I've already went through. I proved it because I'm back and bigger. I can't tell you how much I've learned from therapy and how you know it's not just for everyone else that even at my age and my experience and the things that I study, I had no idea how powerful it is to sit with and have someone ask you the appropriate questions and one thing to Because people think you don't have to go with the first therapist that you meet. I think it's important to have the right therapist. I don't know if you guys have gone through one or two or how to find them, but I find that for me, it was really important to find the right person to ask the right questions and allow me to learn the way that I learned about myself. And it's a healing and it's so powerful. I just had to interject, because a powerful answer that a lot of people are sitting there, all that's for somebody else if you're not in some sort of therapy, you're you're missing out right. I appreciate the honesty and that, you know. It's sometimes I think we as thought leaders or teachers or motivational speakers that you know, sometimes we can often trip over some of the same stuff that we're teaching. And it's just cool to see somebody at at your level just be honest about that. It's inspiring. Well, you'll find from doing these interviews, right, Like you sit there and go, oh god, if I only like you give people advice, And my favorite line is you should really take that advice you did get. Like I say that to myself every day because I channel stuff too, right, I'm like, you're sitting there like an expert, dude, you don't even do that. You better take yourself. For a lot of you guys ever feel that way, Yeah, I can feel. I can you just saying that bring up multiple times where I've just taught this amazing yoga class, great message zenas all hell, like everybody's blissed out, and then I pull out of the parking lot and somebody cuts me off and it's like I immediately go into reaction and I'm like dude, Donny, you need to do you need to remind yourself of the stuff you're telling your students, like right away, just tripping over it after all that beautiful message. I'm in the work. I'm in the work with everybody, trust me, in the progress. Um what I wanted to talk a little bit about self sabotage because I think, no matter how evolved we might think, we are doing this, doing the work, doing having a coach, a therapist, self sabotage is there for everybody. So I'm just curious, like, how does that still show up for you today? Mostly with the need to be offended in some sort of separate either inferior or superior. So my goal is I think it's a little bit of a competitive athletic nature about me. I want to spend minutes and moments in ego based consciousness. Ego based consciousness is creating the interference between me and what I already am, meaning that's self sabotage. So I go as quickly as I can to identify, especially the need to be offended. I just I can't get over it. Man, People, whether they're working with me or in the family. Let me share a quick story. I shared outside with Murphy for a second. This just shows you how my body and mind still works. Scott Duffy's a guy that I've mentored and trained. He's a fairly famous speaker, and I was speaking after him at this event and he literally verbeat him. Was using the Dave meltisms, given me no credit, right, gratitude, empathy, accountability, be kind to your future self, be more interested. And I'm getting more and more offended, and I finally actually stand up, go to the curtain and give him the stink eye, like dude, you're stealing my shit. Like I was so offended, And then I just stayed there for minutes and moments instead of days, weeks, months, and years and ruining a relationship I've had for twenty years with a guy that I'm trying to help. But here's the irony of how lost I am at times, and I only want to spend minutes and moments in self sabotage because I could have ruined this relationship with this guy because I was so mad when I realized, what's your mission? Full? My mission is doing power over billion people to be happy by teaching a thousand people, to teach a thousand people to teach a thousand people. And here is an example of a guy who's taken my exact words to help people to be happy. He's actually performing on my mission in my screwed up mind, right, I haven't need to be offended because somehow I'm separate and superior. And I was about to ruining a lifelong relationship of someone who admires me enough to speak and give me a you know, the biggest compliment by copying what I say to empower other people, and I'm about to ruin the relationship. I start thinking to myself, how often do I do that with people even closer to me? My wife, my children? A need that just self sabotages the exact opposite purpose that I'm here to do. And I see people do it all the time, and I coach them not to do it. But that's my biggest challenge. I still can't figure out how I know all this stuff and forget it so often self sabotage for me. It shows up on the field. If God forbid, I don't catch a pass, you know, I could go down a rabbit hole quick like mandil yeah, like man like, why are they even get Why am I even gonna get a new contract. Why am I even building this house out here? Like they're gonna run me out of here eventually, Like if I keep doing this, and it's just like, man, it's it's one pass where like we can relax, Like it's it's not the end of the world. Like you do a lot, you catch a lot, Like you catch more than anybody else. Buddy, let me just say, I'm I'm a prof evaluation. You catch more than anybody else. It's like, man, like give yourself some credit. It's like, and it's for me. I trace it back and it's like I don't really give myself a lot of credit for what I may have built or what I've been consistent in. And then if there's one little lip, one false step, it's like, let's just tear it down, Like let's just let's just blow this up. And it's like, you know, relationships with women as well, it's like how fast I can go into the future and just psych myself out of't even want to, Like I could I with a girl like once or twice, and I'm like, oh, man, like if we end up doing something physical, like she's gonna get hooked, and then it's like, oh man, like I'm gonna have to do all this and go to this with her and do all these things and then she's gonna commitment at some point. And it's just like I'm all these things are just reving the towns of my house per hour, and then I'm just like, no, I'm out of here. That's that's what it looks like. It just can accelerate so fast out of nowhere, and like, like you said about practicing what you reach, just like I can be preaching these you know, mindfliction just breathe like just but those rabbit holes can spend so fast, and I'm just like, oh man, like, and then I'm not practical what I preach, and then I think I'm a fraud. And it's just like it can just how do you take yourself out of it? Like do you have a practice of saying because you catch yourself right, you start thinking, wait a second, right, I'm a great football player. One pass, right, Like, how do you get quickly get back to center so you can go ahead and catch the next pass? It's breathing, breathing, yeah, And then I just recently started to like the thoughts that I have saying them out loud too, like like, don't forget who you are, Like, don't forget the value that you brought to this team. Don't forget how you show up every day to work and how that translates into the game. Doesn't translate into perfection, but it translates into your best effort, which usually looks good nine times out of ten, with the abilities that God's bless you with. Now I start saying things out loud, that's what I'm like, Okay, Like, that's that's the that's the roommate in my mind, like the untethered soul. It's like, but sometimes I identify with that as me, and I'm just like, man, you my mind again, like and let my mind take over. But in reality, I don't always have to let my mind dictate. I don't have to let it dictate at all. Is that self sabotage for you rooted in the not Enough story? Is that words? Yeah? Yeah? It is. Like the women for example, it's like, man, I've never been faithful in any relationship I've ever been in, So how am I going to even make it to these next stages? So let me just end this right now? Or in football, it's like, you know, I mean, I've had a couple of good years, but it's like, I mean, they're gonna find out I'm not that good of a football player at the end of the day, like this is. I mean, they're gonna find out this is. It was fun while it lasted, but at the end of the day, like I'm not that big of a guy, I'm not that great. And it's just like those things can't take over because that not enough love to pop his head up, especially even when things go well. You know, I can remember like I had like a two hundred yard game and then it's like the first practice after that, I'm like, all right, man, like you know, don't drop this pass now. And it's just like it always roosts yourself up. But I always have to have a plan to fight it because it's it's an everyday thing. As soon as I think I got it, I'm good's going right back. Thanks for sharing that, I mean, that's I feel like maybe you can relate to this with sharing this message and inspiring and empowering other people. That there's a very common theme wherever I go, and it's that we all have this not enough story to just one degree or another, and so to be able to recognize it. And I think the access point to freedom from the self sabotage comes from awareness. Awareness is the first step in creating any kind of change. So we have to have practices like breathing or little acronyms or affirmations, or saying things out loud, or having a consistent meditation practice like this is what will loosen the grip in a natural way. There's other things that can loosen the grip in an unnatural way, like drinking, drugs, phone. But I think that awareness is everything, and that's why it's having some type of practice that allows us to cultivate more awareness in our life can wake us up out of the trance. Yeah, I know that. I think for things that I realize that idea of I am healthy in the importance of your health, because that'll stop you from doing some of the artificial things that can bring release to you. And then I am happy. That's your natural state is happiness. And so when you shift a paradigm in your head saying I'm not feeling happy, wait a second, I am happy. What am I doing to interfere with it? It sets the target or attention and intention into what you can do to free yourself from the shackles of that interference, and then of course, you know, taking into the pragmatic world of wealth and worthiness. Sometimes we too closely tie our bank account to our actually worthiness, which was my childhood problem because I grew up so poor that if my bank account went down, I wasn't worthy if it went up all of a sudden, I'm better than everyone. And it took me a long time to release myself and free myself from that identification. But I think when we go to the i ams and you know who you are, then you can figure out what you do to interfere with what you naturally already are. And once again faith tied to the fact that I'm more than all right. You know, where I'm at is where I'm supposed to be, But that which I'm connected to and through is the all powerful, almighty God. And how could I ask for a better parent, a better guide in this journey than somebody that it's all powerful and all knowing. And I just have to be humbling and say, I'm not all powerful, I'm not all knowing, but thank Goodness that I have someone directing me to the right places at the right time. It's powerful. What could you guys use less of in your life right now? Ego that's the second fact yea for myself, not you. Yeah, I'm right in line with that. I would say less hurrying. I read I'm reading this book right now. It's called The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry And I read the intro and the first chapter and it's like I got jumped, Like just everything that they're sharing in that book is just like really beating me up. And it's like how we they talked about the academy. It's like, oh, I'm good, I'm I'm just busy when you talk to somebody and it's just like, well, what, let's let's unpack that, Like why are you busy? Like what are you running from? Like what is this business accomplishing for you? Because if you're speeding through all these things and checking these things off, it's like, are you really putting the best quality that you can into them? Are you really as present as you think you are? Or are you already thinking about the next thing while you're doing this thing right here? And so it's really grabbing me by the neck and just you know, looking me dead in the eyes. So it's a little less hurrying, a little less saying yes to everything, a little less of you know, trying to push my brand so hard that you know, my self care starts to slip a little bit. So it's just trying to find that balance of yes. Putting myself out there on this platform is great for others, but it's like, what is it all? If I don't have anything left, Like where's it off? I'm just like like depleted after I do all these things every single day. Like the service aspect, is there a lot in my life. I feel like that's on par But it's like sometimes I feel like it can be at the detriment of myself. Sometimes. A great mantra I use, because I can relate a lot to the hurrying thing, is that I have no time to rush where it kind of stops me in my tracks and it just get kind of caught in that caught in that loop where if I can take a step back and be in that mode where if you're rushing around, I mean you're not present, You're not your mind is somewhere in your body. Our body is home, and our mind is usually somewhere else. So to be able to bring it back is powerful. And that's just a pattern interrupt, a positive pattern interrupt that I will use to slow my role so I can I can relate a lot to the hurrying thing. Yeah. Well, busy to me is interesting because a lot of people will tell me they don't ask for my help because I'm busy, and to me, I always say, wait, hold on a second. I try not to be busy. I like to be excess. And think about when you're talking about hurrying or rushing or getting so busy that you forget to make money in business, and I see people going through the motions all day long to compensate for the fact that they're not making the objective that they want to make in a business setting or in their personal lives. Accessibilities of duality, and that duality is number one and this is going to apply to how you feel depleted. Is how accessible am I to others? The problem with being so accessible? And I'm one of the most accessible people on purpose. I'm one of the most accessible people on purpose, meaning I'll make my self accessible to you for being on purpose to help you to be happy, to make money, help people and have fun, which is on purpose to me. But more importantly, where people fall off is this idea of being accessible, meaning am I accessing what I want? So this is where daily activities or practices or habits are so important, because mine are to know what I want so that I can align it with who I can help and who can help me. How am I going to get that done with efficiency, effectiveness, and statistical success? Not rushing. Rushing is forcing yourself through a movement of unintentional activity. Intent is necessary for how you're going to do it, which allows me to prioritize, which is the biggest to me aspect, Especially of younger people, they don't know what's important to them. They mix up urgency and important Eisenhower has a matrix for that. But if you don't mix up urgency and importance, and you know your true self that this is what I want, then you feel very comfortable receiving, so you never feel depleted. Let me teach you, guys. One thing that I learned that changed my life. My mom always said the more I give, more I receive. My mom's someone that has completely depleted herself given to her six children, never made a lot of money because she was always giving everything away working two jobs, always give and give and give and giving, totally busy and accessible. But if she would have taught me the first step, which is I want to access what I want, and then if I appreciate what I received, I add value to it. To acknowledge what you have to acquire the knowledge of what you have, you have to give it away, which is fine, and then you have a bigger void. Now you got to ask again for what you want to fill the void, appreciate it again, acknowledge it, and give it away. You'll never feel depleted if you stay away from busy and you think about accessibility. I'm going to be accessible to as many people that I can, but I am going to access what I want so I have something to give them so I don't end up depleted, which becomes a matter of prioritization that I'm going to receive first. Then give everything away, never to be depleted because I'm always refueling or reaccessing. And if we don't feel worthy of receiving it, then we're very limited on how far we can take that. Yeah, it's huge, right, If you don't feel worthy, how can you ask for help? Because that's just going to make you feel less worthy because now humility won't take place. You're like, oh, I got to ask him for help. That makes me less than even less than I thought I was. Creates that inner turmoil where it's like you know, you know that you want something, but it's like then you don't feel worthy of it. It's just like this constant pushing pull on the inside of you, and it's and that depletes you in its own way, like you don't need have to be physically active or how all these things are your playlist or on your plate throughout the day. It's like if if that pushing pull is going on you inside all day, it's like, man, like you won't even show up for the battles. You won't even show up for to do the work and to be in those relationships. You know, because accessibility to me looks like I make myself so accessible for the service and the work. It's like I don't make myself accessible to friend groups or people around me that I really like my community where I can just be daring a person because I'm always the football player, I'm always you know, artist to make music, I do hope things. But it's like daring a human sometimes doesn't get as much time as he needs to just just take a breath and to let the guard down and laugh a little bit, or just talk and just be amongst people. So I need to One thing I'm working onized like myself more accessible to people around me that really do care for me, that I can sometimes justify why I don't communicate with them because I have so many things on my plate. Well, I think the couple of things I'll keep you keep continuing to keep you accountable are the music because I know that matters to you, and just hearing you explain what you just explained. I feel like this matters. These conversations matter. I mean, these these are the most meaningful conversations I've ever had in my life. And the gratitude that I have for for both of you guys, and for David for just allowing us to make this happen and to listen to these conversations, I mean, for me, meaningful conversations have become like relationships is like one of my core values. But in that becomes meaningful, meaningful conversations, real talk, and I don't think it gets any more real than the conversations that we're having right now and it's just it's just a blessing. I feel like we could talk about this stuff all day long, so we might have to save it for another episode. Right, Well, you're making available the ability to liberate others to liberate themselves. And I'll tell you from the first interview, especially Darren, I'm telling you, man, you should use this format because this suits both of you really well, but allows people to really get to know who you are instead of you know, a back and forth questionnaire of you know, maybe more surface issues that to expose and liberate your light especially you know in this format is going to help so many other people liberate themselves as well. So I just want to give you both my enormous gratitude and know that however, I can be accessible to both of you whatever I can do to help promote, amplify or assist you in any way, I'll be back for sure. We will have you back. The value you've added to both of our lives is invaluable. So we appreciate you, man, appreciate both of you. All Right, we're out the one d a part in the Balls of a Bat production character