Michael Aidala's Comeback Story

00:00:10 Speaker 1: Welcome back, everybody. We're here for another episode of Comeback Stories. Today's guest is my guy, Mike Idella. He's a leading performance coach who's been mentioned in Men's Health, GQ, Men's Journal, Muscle Fitness, and many more. He's one of the top coaches in America and has been coaching for over fifteen years. Mike's programs are for individuals who want to grow their relationship with their mental, emotional, and physical health. He recently set to the Guinness World Record for the most weightlifted by a Turkish get up in an hour and this one's unbelievable. Did a stand up paddle board for eighty two miles from the Bahamas to Florida. So Mike has spent his life seeking and studying a state of awareness through flow and impactful wellness practices. And he's one of my dear friends and honestly one of the most beautiful human beings in the world. So we're glad to have you here. Mike. Oh, thanks so much, guys, it's a pleasure to be here. I'm really looking forward to chatting with you. Hey, we dive right in and we want to know for you, what was your life like growing up like as a child. Yeah, So I grew up with a mom and dad and a younger sister and just north of the Bronx in New York. And the life for me growing up was now that I reflected back on it, it was a little bit challenging. I didn't totally notice all of the challenges at the time, but when I was really young, my grandfather died by suicide when I was four years old, and that put my mom into a really deep depression. And my dad was doing it all, doing a lot in the household for my younger sister and I, And so my dad is the type of guy that has the biggest heart in the world, and he has a lot of expectations on the way that things should be, and so growing up I was always trying to, you know, follow his expectations and the kind of guidelines that he set up for my life. And I also leaned into sports a ton. My mom used to say, I never met a ball I didn't like, and so I was constantly outside playing sports. I think I was using it as a as a little coping mechanism for some of the avoidant tendencies I had going on with my mom when I was super young. But as I know you guys have mentioned on this podcast before, a lot of the ways that we interact with the world when we're younger affect how we interact as we're older, and so I'm still to this day learning some ways of when I was even really young, I was diagnosed with fifty one ear infections from the day I was born until two years old, and so as a young baby, constantly being pumped with antibiotics, not being able to hear the world or have people listen and understand me, and then seeing how that, you know, shows up in my life now whereas I'm really desire to be understood, and so that's a little bit of what it was like for me as a young child. Our follow up question to that typically is if you could share with us an early memory of pain, which you just did with the ear infections, which when I hear that, it just feels like that's like major trauma, right, which we don't maybe downplay at the time, but that is it's very, very traumatic to go through at that age. But what else do you have any other early memories of pain or struggle? Yeah, yeah, I don't really remember the ear infections. But I do remember sleeping a lot, and so one way that my mom dealt with the trauma of my grandfather passing was she slept a lot. And so I think as a young child, I took that upon myself as a way to cope and even relate with my mom. And so I remember when I was five years old, my parents would say, Mike is a perfect child when he has a lot of sleep, but when he doesn't get his arrest, he is like a little devil, and we don't know what's going on. And so I went to a sleep study and they told me, you know, he's just a five year old, growing boy. He just needs a lot of sleep. But that sleep continued to really affect my life as I was thirteen, and I would save all of my energy for sports after school, and so I wouldn't I'd be the kids falling asleep in class, head on the desk, go into the bathroom to try to take a nap in the stall for five minutes. I was always so exhausted and couldn't figure out what it was. And we did a sleep study then and I was diagnosed with long sleeper syndrome, which is essentially the doctors told me my body needs more time for mysells and my energy to regenerate than the average person. So the average person needs somewhere between seven to nine hours. Some people are okay with, you know, three or four, and I was on the opposite end of that standard deviation where they said I needed twelve or thirteen. And so growing up always feeling exhausted was something I've really struggled with. Wo that's that's wild. I never heard of that before. When you look back into your younger years, who would you say was one of your first teachers or mentors that really made a positive or maybe negative impact on you. Yeah. I think like a lot of people, our parents are our first teachers, and both of my parents are teachers, and my dad was definitely the teacher of the household. He is a very animated guy. He loves to tell stories. You know. He showed me an aspect of masculinity that was a lot softer than maybe that my coaches would communicate to me. You know, my dad would say that we couldn't have a catch with the baseball. By the time I was six years old. He doesn't identify as an athlete, and that was something and still is really important to me in my life and my identity. And so yeah, something from them. Losing track of your question, I've just first, who is your first real teacher or a couple of your teacher actors? Yeah? Yeah, I would say my dad definitely the first teacher. How has his softness impacted you as you know a man today and a partner? Yeah? And you know, I know, I know you're kind of your home situation and you're a father figure in a sense. But how is that how is that impacting you? Yeah? Well, he, like I was mentioning, he really allows he allowed me to see a softer side, Like he allowed me to be goofy and be funny and um, you know, really lean into that part of my masculinity now. And so it's been it was really great to learn those lessons from him, Um, because I could learn some of the other maybe like harder characteristics of masculinity through sports. But now it's really helped me with the partner that I am. And like you mentioned, I live with a six year old now, which is amazing and I'm able to look back and see, you know, how I was raised and how I want to positively impact this young boy, Michael, thank you for being here first and foremost. I can see how much work that you've done in your life just through the way you describe your childhood. You know how you may have tried to deal with the world then and how it affects your world now. And I would like to ask you, could you paint a picture of us for what maybe one of the biggest moments of adversity in your life looked like, what it felt like, and maybe the pain and trauma that it may have caused for you before we get into your comeback story. Yeah, totally so. I mean, I've dealt with some emotional and sexual abuse when I was younger, and I wouldn't call those like the catalysts of you know, like my rock bottom. I would say over time, it's been a lot of decisions and a lot of ways that I was raised and that pushed me farther away from who I am. And it was all really well meeting. Like I mentioned before, my father is a heart of gold. But there's always a right way to do things, and so I grew up with over months and years, trying to react, like relate with the world on what is the right way to do stuff or as I'll say, now, like, you know, what are the shoulds that I should be doing? Like I should have this job, I should have this amount of money, I should wear these clothes, I should et cetera. And so it's taken me a while to kind of unpack that and dive into myself through some deeper introspective practices. How does one transition from that? Don I also have heard you not saying shooting yourself to death? Actually heard that from Mike, and Mike came on one of my retreats in Whistler, Canada, and the first time I heard that he was telling somebody else to stop shooting on themselves. And yeah, so I give credit to Mike for that. Wow, So what does what does that transition process look like? How do you go from the awareness of that you're doing it to a place of where you know you pretty much establish your own path and what is right to you? Like, how does one one shift to that? Yeah, that's a great question. You know, it first starts with taking ownership and wanting to be autonomous with how you relate and interact with the world. And so I always like to say, with shoulding, when you eliminate the words should, and you insert the words want or don't want. You immediately take ownership over your language, which then helps you take ownership over your actions and then your life. And so that requires a lot of strength because you have to deal with the adversity of a decision that maybe doesn't go in a great way. And a lot of times people will should because it's like a gray space, and so they can put past the blame onto someone else. And so working with your mindset to build in a more growth mindset, or finding some more intrinsic motivation or some of the first steps to helping eliminate those shoulds. Find a clear passion and purpose that you're excited about, you know, each day of your life. It sounds like should, that word has a level of judgment and shame. So it is the power of our words. But like you said, if you want to remove it and replace it with want or don't want, then there's no like, there's no shame, there's no judgment there exactly. Yeah, I mean people will should on us, like like my dad did for a great reason, like he found a path of life that was better for him than his father growing up and then you know, he wants to teach it. This is how like, you know, generational things or traumas get get passed along, whether it's substance abuses or even language or mindsets. And so it requires like a hard understanding of that and then a desire to make that change, and then the awareness to try and do it as much as possible. It's really difficult, but and I lived right after high school and into college with so much worry. I was constantly trying to figure out what the right thing to do is. It was driving me crazy. And I have a lot of depression, anxiety and suicide in my family, and so I was really nervous because I was really beating myself up about what is the best life that I need to live. And social media was starting to become a thing at that moment, so I started to see so many different aspects of life that weren't necessarily a path that I wanted, but they looked like bright, shiny objects. And I'm a very excitable guy, so I'm like, oh, I kind of want to do that. I want to go over here. And it was difficult for me to put my foot down in where it is that I want to like the direction I want to take it, and it's a work in progress. I always like to say, like, kind of dip my toes in and then check in, see how it feels. If it feels good, step a little bit farther. If that feels good, can continue down that path. We had a guest on just before you that gave that same exact analogy, and most people, because of that fear of change, they're not even willing to I'll always use the analogy of trying something on, like trying on a shirt, and if it doesn't fit or you don't think it, you can take it off, but at least you're trying it on to see what's gonna fit for you, right. I mean, that's the equation for confidence. It takes action, and it takes a willingness and can be a really small action, like trying on a shirt, looking at yourself in the mirror and seeing how it fits and how you feel, and then having that decision to say yes or no, versus I should wear this because my partner thinks it looks good, or because it's the right thing to wear. There's constant shoulds going on in our life all the time, and I always encourage people to take a shit fast and never utter that word again. I mean, I don't let people should on me. I definitely try not to shoot ont of their people, all of my clients, so like she's like a should ninja like catches it or even say the word. Well in anybody listening, now that you've heard it, you're going to have a whole other level of awareness because we're talking about it and I bring it up, and I can catch anybody and sometimes I might hear it or all hear myself shooting on myself, and you know, I'm aware of it now though, And that's the first step writing creating a kind of change is awareness, totally, totally. Yeah. I always encourage people with they resonate with this to share it with someone that they spend a lot of time with. And a lot of people that I work with are my friends or even myself, like I was explaining earlier, dealt with a lot of anxiety and a lot of non understanding what it is that I want to do and looking externally for self fulfillment. And so once I eliminated that were I could you remove this proverbial mask that I was trying to portray to society, become radically honest with what it is that I do want, and then start to take those small steps towards that Wow, continually putting on masks. That is what was the main contributor to taking me to my rock bottom. What would you say your rock bottom was? And what was it like from that point to the moment where you had a desire to change like you talked about, Yeah, I would say very similarly to you. I mean, I was constantly wanting to fit in, so I was always looking to relate to other people, especially women. That was my that was my struggle. I was always looking for self validate through you know, being intimate with females. And I can look back at why I was possibly doing that versus with some some love that I maybe wasn't receiving and the way that I needed it when I had a younger age and so a lot of heartbreak. I heard a lot of people when I was growing up, and that really I knew that I didn't want to do that, but I didn't know how to make that change. And I knew and eventually I realized it starts from within. And so the way I kind of get get through that is through those deeper, those deeper practices. The narrative from wanting to impress females. I know for me was you know, I don't have the love for myself, so I need it from you. And I don't know that's your exact story. But we talked about here on comeback stories, like we had to get rid of one story that we're telling ourselves in order to get that new narrative in our mind. What would you say that new narrative is in your mind right now? Yeah, that I'm enough on my own and that I can validate and love on myself. I'm always gonna. I was always searching that out. I was anxiously attached. This a great book called Attached, and people can identify with anxious attachment, which is what it sounds like. You and I struggled with avoidant attachment, which is where we just push the problems away and don't necessarily want to engage with them, and then secure attachment, where we recognize, you know, we're okay, and we're able to self regularly, our nervous system and our emotions, and there will be times when we'll want to lean on our relationships, our friendships, but we don't need that from the other person, which for me would show up as codependence and it's something I still struggle with. That was just on a therapy call, but with my therapist earlier talking about some ways that I'm anxiously attaching how that shows up, but I'm able to become aware of it now, catch it, and then find some different ways to work through it. I think the essence of self love is when we can truly know how to hold our own hearts in our hands, and then if somebody else comes in, if a partner comes in, they can hold your heart too, but if they let go, you're still holding your heart. And I think so many people like the whole you complete me thing and you know, really relying on that conditional happiness, like I'll be happy when I get the wife, when I be happy when somebody loves me. But it's like, no, love yourself first, and that's the turnaround. And I'm sure probably all three of us, you know, weren't taught these things growing up. We were taught to push through the pain and never let them see a sweat and no pain, no game. But it's I mean, we're changing the narrative and there's nothing I enjoy more than having conversations, especially with three men, three men that maybe on the outside look you know, masculine, but I think we're changing the language of what masculinity really looks like. It sounds like yeah completely. I mean a big game changer for me was leading into the largest mother that we all have, which is Mother Earth. You know, she can hold all of our struggles. And when I never resonated with a religious path growing up, but I always really resonated with spirituality and something larger, but I could never put my finger on what it was. And now I resonate with the word spirit, and so I believe we all have souls and then we're in a larger you know, we're held by spirit, which you know, a tree will have spirit, a mountain will have spirit, different places will have spirit. Some people might call it energy or a vibe. I always say, you know, everyone can resonate with one place more than another, and so you like the the energy or the spirit of that place. And so one thing that I've that I've done that's been extremely impactful is is lean into those practices when I'm trying to find my own truth. So I know nature is the most honest place in this earth, like tree is just going to grow towards the sun and the animals going to eat when it's hungry, or drink when it needs when it needs water, it's going to go to the bathroom. So when I'm trying to find my own truth, I surround myself with as much truth as possible and allow, you know, my deep, dark, bright emotions to arise and believe that I'll have the strength to be with them. What does that look like? What are you when you're getting outside and you're some of your spiritual practices? What does that look like today? Yeah? So I went through a wilderness quest a few years ago where I spent four days in the New Mexico Wilderness about like thirteen thousand feet up in the mountains, all by myself with just water, and I fasted for four days and didn't have my phone, didn't have a watch, didn't have anything, just really immersed myself in that in that community, the larger earth community, and what it looks like now is just spending time connecting back with that main connection that I had, a catalyst point that I had on my quest, And so I have different places in my local community in nature where I'll go and I'll sit and I'll just observe the environment around me and I'll see what comes up. And the quieter I can become, and the quieter I can keep my mind and my heart, the more open I'll be to everything around me. And it might sound a little bit weird, and it almost sounds weird to myself growing playing you know, college football and things like that. If I almost listen to myself now, I'm like, hey, you're like Pocahontas and right now man like you know, but it has a dramatic change for me, and I really feel feel held and supported in something. So when I have a struggle, I can lean into those practices and feel supported. What came up for you in that four day vision quest? Can you share a little bit about that and what new awarenesses you have what you struggled with? Yeah, so I can share some of it. Yeah. The thing with I mean, I love this podcast and the and the way of expressing all of the struggles that we have. And then there's also something I think to be said about keeping a small part of your story for yourself. If you have those practices and are able to connect with them, not as a way of hiding things, but as a way of not wanting to cheapen some of your story, and so I can definitely share parts of it. Two main experiences that I had that were really impactful for me was something called the Death Lodge, where I lit a fire and I released a lot of things that were holding me back from my past, a lot of anger that I had towards different people, and the I didn't necessarily know I had anger towards them, but as I was fasting, really I didn't have any emotional control. I really enjoy food, like a lot of people, and so as I don't have that food, it kind of tears away those masks on like a metabolic level. And so I'm really raw and vulnerable and open, and so released a lot of things into that fire. I even released things into the ground. I dug it with my bare hands and screamed down into the earth some things that I didn't want to hold onto anymore, some things from my sexual past, some things with my grandfather, some things with my mom, something with my add with my sister. And then the last night of the quest to stay up for an all night in vigil. So you try to stay awake throughout the whole night, and essentially you're crying for a vision for your life. You're you're singing, dancing, praying for some clarity, some way of some path that you want to move your life towards, and the mission behind it. How do you feel like your connection to a greater sense of spirit has impacted your desire to be of service to the communities around you. I think it's. I think it's it's almost a cornerstone of it, you know, like I believe connected in some ways, and so I want to use my experiences to help other people, specifically men. I feel personally really called to help men who maybe haven't focused on any introspective practices and have leaned into the the shoulds or the expectations of their life and come to a point where they feel they feel lost. They feel like their vices aren't serving them anymore, They feel disconnected from themselves. They might be spending way too much time distracted by you know, the Internet or social media or whatnot, and so farther away from you, and so pulling people back to the truth, which is spirit. It can also be showing through like their breath or through meditation, through their body, like embodied men's really important aspect of that as well. It's all interconnected. What are you seeing or as some of the common themes working with men? Are there some consistencies with the struggles? And what are some of the practices. I mean you're talking about a little bit, but what are some of the like what does your coaching look like around men? Do you have a mastermind a men's group? Is it all one on one or do you do it all? Yeah? What on one coaching? And then I lead about four or five men's groups a year, and so I like to make the sports analogy, especially with you guys. You understand it. You know, in the self development or mental emotional space, there are so many different exercises that we can do, so many different maps and models. It can become overwhelming and it becomes difficult to know what's the best gratitude practice for me or the best breath work practice or journaling practice. And so if you want to get stronger in the gym, you know there are specific exercises and sets and reps that are appropriate for your body, your goals, they equipt the time you have, etc. And so I work with I can help program for them based on their past experiences, what their goals are, where they might feel so we're deficient in and then you know cater to those those different programs to them. But it all starts with working with mindset. And the easiest way to determine that is you either have a fixed mindset, where you believe the world is the way it is and you are the way you are based on how you were raised or your last name, or how much money your parents have or whatever it may be. And then there's a growth mindset, which is you're able to control the growth in your life, and so the harder you work, the more things will come your way. And so getting people towards a growth mindset is the first step, followed by getting them to be intrinsically motivated for their life versus extrinsically just focusing on more money for more status. And the way you do that is helping align their passion with a purpose to find their most valuable goal and then work backwards on are they doing things to align with that? And the step after that is to work on their health and so making sure their mental and physical hygiene is important, and those are things like hydration, exercise, gratitude, practice recovery, especially in this an American society is so much focused on ascension and growth, but there needs to be the equal focus on active recovery and so letting your mind, you know, calm down. A lot of us will use our minds as external hard drives, but our minds are like beautiful and really complex organs that if you know, you think of it as a computer, it can do so much computing and problem solving and creativity. But if we body down with to do lists and shoulds and expectations, that of course we're not going to be able to see or feel our true our true path, our true vision, and we're gonna it's gonna be so much easier to lean into distractions and then not feel fulfilled. How have you seen men transition out of wanting to isolate? I know for me, Um, I always talking about like my little cave, Like I always want to run to my cave where I feel safe, where I can just kind of you know, kind of like the avoid attachment that you talked about earlier. It's just like if I push things away or if I run away from things, like eventually like the tornado will kind of blow over or or I will have to show myself to men around me as weak or not enough. Like, how would you paint creating a community to somebody that isolates in a positive light. Yeah, I think it's finding the community that or defining the community that you want to be a part of, defining what friendship means to you, defining what kind of man you want to be, and then asking people to love and lean on you in that way. And so it becomes difficult because we're I able to you know, please everyone. You know, I've definitely identified as a recovering people pleaser where I want everyone to love me or what everyone to like me. But by doing that, I limit myself to like eighty percent of connection because I'm faking it to some degree. And so I have to be okay with the fact that maybe some people will love me a one hundred percent, but some people might only be sixty percent. And that's okay because I'd rather have that one hundred percent than that eighty percent. And you know, it starts with one of the hardest and strongest things that men can do, which is be vulnerable and be able to share things that they're struggling with. First with themselves, right, allowing yourself to think about it. It's the first step. Verbally express it would be another step write it down. There's a lot of science behind When you write something down, it becomes physical, you see it on the piece of paper. And then once you see it, it helps you be able to work through it and then share it with people that you feel comfortable with. And helping create that container is really really valuable to have what I do with my group, and then I encourage the men in my group to create their own groups and spread across you know, society in that way. It's like that positive ripple effect. But even going back to you said defining and figuring out who are these men that we want to be around, A lot of it comes back to knowing who we are, which comes back to our core values. And you know, these are nice things. It would have been nice to have learned these things in high school and understanding who we were and actually having somebody take us through a core values exercise. You know, I think we get caught up in what society says we need to do to be happy, to be successful, what our parents says said we need to do to be successful. But really until we know who we are. We have to understand who we are to see who we want in our tribe and in our community. And I think once we have that, especially when we're rooted in our core values, our core values become a filter for every decision that we make, whether that's the relationship we choose to get in, the friends circle that we're with, the job we take, or the career path that we take. So yeah, that core values exercise. I do one with my coaching clients, and every time I do it, I'm like, Man, where was this? This just wasn't there for us when we were younger, But it would have been nice because I think a lot of people would have chosen a different college or a different degree instead of the one that maybe their parents wanted them to do. Totally, I love the core values, and I also love like activity values, like what are the physical things that you're doing every day that you value? And I'll have my clients write down five things, Like look at their day all the different things that they do and write down five things that they value, and then see what are the other things that they're doing that aren't on that list. Oftentimes those would be like social media, you know, watching TV, maybe substance or our alcohol, spending time with people that they don't really want to spend time with and if you add up that time can come out to some people spend you know, two, three, four to five hours a day on social media or streaming Netflix. And I always like to look at our life from the back end, so kind of like the memento mori, a Latin phrase of remembering that you must die and when you're on your deathbed, or you're going to be upset that you didn't watch the you know whatever eighth season of Game of Thrones, or you're going to be upset that you didn't spend time having to catch with your with your kids outside or going with your buddies on the ski trip, or spending more time on your health so that you have the physical capacity to go out and enjoy your life. And eliminating those things is really critical. You want to create the space before you start adding things onto people's lives. A lot of the men I work with feel overwhelmed, which is essentially when the skills and resources they have don't meet the demands or tasks that are asked of them. And so in that space, they struggle, and so they can increase, you know, their skills and resources through a lot of healthy habits, right like prioritizing their sleep, hydration, water, gratitude, mindfulness practices, and then they can also eliminate things that aren't really important to them. Well, speaking of activities, I mean I've seen and if you check out Mike's instagram, um, one of the strongest dudes I've ever met or seen in my life. And some of the acro yoga. I think back in the day when I first connected with you, you're doing a lot of acro. But what's the inspiration behind you know, the Guhinnis book, the Guhinnis World Record for the weightlifted by a Turkish get up and then this eighty two mile you got to tell us about this eighty two mile sub from the Bahamas for the Florida. Like, what's behind all that which drives you? I mean, that's that's that's next level. Yeah, thanks man. I mean, it's it's curiosity. At the end of the day, I'm very curious on what my body is capable of. And I love the flow state. So imagine you guys talked about flow state. I here a bunch. I know you talk about it a lot. The easiest definition I have for flow is that time you spend when you're completely you know, dialed in or in the zone, and time slows down, oftentimes to talk about it through sports or music. But I try to let as much of my life in that state, and so there's different ways that we can get in and get out of that state and recover from it so we can jump back into it later. But a lot of these physical challenges are just easy ways for me to get into flow. Right if I'm doing a Turkish get up, I have to balance the kettlebell over my body, stand up with it, and then lay back down. I can't for a second take my eyes off it think about something else. I'm completely dialed in and focused on that. An easy definition for flow is if you think of a graph and on one access you have the skill that you're trying to do, and on the other you have to challenge. You want the skill, or you want the challenge to be so high that it requires all of your skill, and then you're in flow. If the challenge is too low for the skill that you have, you'll become bored. And if the challenge is too high and you don't have enough skill, You'll become anxious. And so it's constantly moving those toggles to figure out, Okay, how can I give myself either more skill or lower the challenge or vice versa. And so with the Turkish get up, that specific move just has a lot of things that that I'm good at. I'm good at keeping my arm straight, I'm good at coordinating my body, and I'm strong on one leg and so those are all things that have to happen as I lift a bell up and then come down with it. And so that was a fun challenge that I did maybe seven months ago and raised a bunch of money for veteran mental health and suicide prevention. You know, my grandfather was a veteran, and as I talked about here, that had a lot of effect on my family and on my life and to bring more awareness to that. And then the paddle board was it's for this company called Crossing for Cystic Fibrosis, and so they raised almost half a million dollars for cystic fibrosis doing a paddleboard race from Bimini in the Bahamas to Lake Worth, Florida. And I did it with three of my buddies. We had a support boat that went with us, and we all paddled on our own and we never touched the boat. We just had a camelback with water. There was another camel back on the boat, and we would toss them, you know, every hour or so when we needed to refuel. But that was one of the most spectacularly beautiful experience I've ever had in my life. We started at midnight in the pitch black and just we're paddling behind the red light of the boat to protect the sea turtles, and there was bioluminescence in the water, so every time our paddle hit the water, the littles of water would be green, and so it's almost like a psychedelic experience. We're just paddling head down, focus for five hours until the sun starts to rise. And I don't know if you guys have ever watched the sun a complete sunrise, but just naturally letting your body and your eyes adjust to the light was incredible. At that time, we saw a humongous hammerhead shark that like popped up right out of the water at one of my buddies who fell off his board, and it swam right underneath our boards and it was a surreal experience. And when it took us about seventeen hours to paddle the eighty two miles, Wow, that's a mind blowing. I mean, all these experiences that you get to, you know, be present in there's got to be a lot of gratitude today, whether serving men or you know, going out and doing these great challenges. What would you say you're most grateful for today? Yeah, at this moment, I would say I'm most grateful for the family that that we're building in this home here in Boulder, Colorado. My partner has a six year old son, his dad lives in Denver. It's a blended family situation and it requires a lot of emotional flexibility and strength, and it's something that I've never encountered before. And so there's a lot of new challenges for a new ways that my skills can can grow. And the work that Kelly and myself and remy her son really put in and the love that we pour in. I'm extremely grateful for that. It's it's really beautiful and it's something I think about almost every single day. Well, I got to experience a little bit with that yesterday playing a little pickleball and boulder in your beautiful community. Man, that was a special moment for me for sure. Last question for you, what would you say to somebody that they know the biggest thing that's holding them back, but they're stuck and they don't know what to do about it. Yeah, I would say that if they feel comfortable to communicate it. I have some buddies in Kauai in Hawaii, and there's a lot of substance abuse down in that island and if they feel very isolated and there's not a lot, they feel like there's not a lot to do, so they turn to drugs and alcohol. And one of my friends, Aaron Hoff, leads a Monday night just porch group talk where anyone can come. It's a little bit of like a Christian background, but anyone's allowed to come and show up, and he says, bring it to the light. And so there's people that are struggling with all different types of things, from all different walks of life, all different socio economical places. And once you express it and you put it out there, it loses some of the hole that it can have on you. And so if someone's really struggling with something and they haven't shared it with themselves by writing it down, or haven't shared it with someone else yet. I encourage you to find someone where you feel comfortable enough to do that. It can be extremely impactful. Michael, I thank you for coming out here and sharing your story. Thankful for you for doing the uncomfortable work behind the scenes by yourself, with your community of people that have helped you become the man you are today. Just grateful for your time, man, and keep up the great work. Yeah, thank you. I'm grateful for you as well. Thank you guys so much for having me and for sharing your message. It's it's really beautiful and I know so many men, myself included, get a ton of value from it. So thank you. Yeah, say Mike. I just want to acknowledge you for how you show up in the world. Darren said it best, like you do the dirty work. You do a lot of uncomfortable work, and you're willing to do that. And it's cool because we know we can only take our people as far as we're willing to go. And I know your leadership and the way that you're showing up in the world is impacting many men and many humans in a beautiful way. So I'm just grateful to have you in my life. And it was good to hang yesterday. Man. Yeah, thank you so much. Donna. Yeah, it was awesome seeing you yesterday, and thanks so much again for having me and bringing all this stuff to the late You know, the paddleboard and the Turkish get up. Those are fun things. Those are almost like easy. The hard work is like when I want to, you know, snap at my partner or be upset with myself, and it's a work that no one sees. And you guys know this too, and so you know, for those folks watching or listening, you know, pat yourself on the back. You're doing a lot of that hard work and it makes a huge difference. Where can our listeners track you down? They can find me on my website, which is Mike Idolla dot com or Instagram which is Mike dot idola. Follow this man must follow. All right, we're out, everybody piece, what's up? Comeback stories, family, It's Donnie dropping in here. So did you know that Darren and e I's relationships started by me being his personal development, mindfulness and mindset coach. I want to let you know about both my one on one coaching program The Shift and my group Mastermind Elevate your Purpose. These coaching programs are specifically designed for people who are ready to take the next step in their purpose and level up their career, personal finances, and have more connected, deep and meaningful relationships. My gift and part of my purpose is to help others take that next step and leveling up their lives so that they can have a greater impact on the lives of others, create success that sustainable yet evolves and grows, and help build a legacy that will outlive your life. If this is calling you, just go to Donnie Starkins dot com and apply for either one of my programs.