Presence over Presents

00:00:04 Speaker 1: Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. Welcome back, everybody. We are here for another episode of Comeback Stories, and I believe this is going to be our holiday episode where we want to talk a lot about presence, of course, which we talk about often in our podcast, and this episode is going to be just Darren and I dropping in. So let me first introduce him. Darren, how are you, my dude? I'm great, man, blessed to be here, great, ready to give these people some good little Christmas cheer, but really just some encouragement over this holiday season. Yeah, And I think it's important for me to always stress a lot of these things that I'm teaching. I want to be clear that I don't have figured out, Like a lot of the stuff Darren and I are talking about are the things that we're working on. If you follow me on Instagram and I put out an inspirational post like, it's because I'm probably going through that or there's something like I'm teaching what I need to learn most times. And so what we wanted to talk about today is presence and just this whole idea of presence over presence, like being there, being present instead of like the material things like if you think about it, I was reflecting on this, if you stop and take time to recall all of like the most memorable holidays, the majority of us, I think would agree that it had little to do with ever anything that you got, and it had everything to do with like the people surrounding you and how those people made you feel in that moment. So like, this is all about human connection. This is why Darren and I started the podcast. We might not be there physically in proximity, but this was a way for us to connect through our stories and through our guest stories so that you felt a better sense of connection, you know. And so it's it's all about you know, understanding that whatever maybe you're caught up on on the material over this holiday season. And another thing that I think is really important is you know, I think this episode will be coming out a few days before Christmas. If that's the holiday that that you celebrate, that you could prepare. So a lot of times the holidays are so triggering. I mean, Darren and I talk about this. From Thanksgiving until after New Year's is when all the addiction and mental health spikes because of it's just triggering and the pressures of family, and there is so much you know, substance and alcohol around, so we have to armor up and be in the practices. And that's why we wanted to share kind of just some of the things that work for us, but also the reminder of like in my life, I don't remember anything really that I got. I remember some things that I didn't get and then I was a little baby about it when I didn't get them, because that's just kind of how I was as a kid. But I don't it was the experiences. Yeah, man, I feel like there was a time where it was about what I was going to get as a kid, and it's like, yeah, so you got the PlayStation two, or you got like NBA Live two thousand and three or something. It's only a matter of time before you want the PlayStation three. It's only a matter of time before you want NBA Live two thousand and four. And looking back, recognizing like the fleeting nature and the fleeting feeling that comes with getting a gift, like you're excited, you play with it all day. There might be something that you might not buy New Year's Day, you might not even be playing with it no more. But it's this idea of getting the gift, But soon after that, you're gonna want the next version. You're gonna want the newer version. And that gift that you got that you were expecting so much fulfillment out of the time's already ticking on when you want more or when you want something different, and how that gift just ain't doing it for you anymore. Whereas the presence that we're talking about, showing up and being present in the relationships, being present to that time that may not be frequent for family connection, those are the gifts that can continue to give. Those are the gifts that your relationship with your family can only grow deeper. Your relationships with your significant others, your friends, whoever you celebrate this time with, can continue to grow, can continue to give you a sense of gratitude, contentment, and fulfillment that a material gift can never really give you. You know, the people that talk about you, know they rather cry in the bins or cry in a ferrari. I don't really relate because ultimately I don't want to cry at all. I'd rather be content and be happy in a toyota. Yurs know, if it's anybody that Toyota yrs just a random card that came to my mind. But I'm just saying that to emphasize that these material things that we long for and that we feel like are going to feel that hole, fill that void for us in some way. It really never gets the job done. If we look at it through an honest lens, it doesn't get the job done. And then it creates a life of basically hell. As you're as you're walking through that, because as you were explaining that, I'm thinking about where this all starts, and it starts as we're young, you know, genius kids that are trying to do whatever it takes to feel safe, connected, understood in all of those things, right, and then they just they just become these these practices, these these these deep rooted unhealthy behaviors and patterns that are really hard to get out of. And if this is resonating with you, you're not alone. This is all of us. But there's a way out, and that way out is first through awareness. Is this is why Darren and I do this podcast to shine the light of awareness onto some stuff that maybe you thought you were the only one going through and it's just it's not the case. Like this is it just it's not. And so our hope is that we can bankrupt that story by sharing stuff like this and then sharing the struggles that we've had and hopes that like I always say, like I'll do whatever it takes to not allow somebody to go through the hell that I went through. It's not even the hell, it's more the hell I put everybody else through. The hell I went through, Like that's all self inflicted. It was everything else, the carnage, right like everything else. And that's why we're doing this, And that's probably where you hear the passion from there and gets me fired up too, because he just is so profound and what he shares it's so relatable because this is the human experience. This isn't the football experience with his you know, all your pads on and your helmet. This is a human being and we're just having human being experiences. And you know a lot, I know, both of us are. There's a lot going on right now in life, and so with that also comes a lot of just inspiration, and that might be where you're hearing it from and why we wanted to come on without guests, especially over the holidays, because that's what we said we were going to do. And we know that the most confident people in the world are the ones that keep the promises they make them themselves. And we're also living, trying our best to live. We're not living the Four Agreements, but fuck man, we're trying. We're human beings. We're gonna fuck it up, but we're trying. And we're trying to also be pigeons and like carriers of the message, not telling you what to do, just telling telling you, like where we fucked up, where we're still struggling, and some things that we've done that actually found us a little freedom, and most of those things never had anything to do with us. Maybe just willingness and honesty. Yeah, man, I mean, at the end of the day, our honest effort always has been and always will be enough, you know. And just this topic that we're diving into tonight brings to my mind. There's a Bible scripture it talks about I basically said, is basically Jesus saying, do not store your treasure where thieves can steal or moths can destroy. And so it's about this idea of you know, placing our value, placing the importance in things that cannot be taken, like the condo I'm in right now. If this thing like just implodes, like the whip might be gone, you know, my my laptop. You know, some nice things might be gone, material things, but that's the reality of life, Like those things could be taken. You know, a storm can come through people that live in areas where hurricanes come, like things can happen to where things that I own that I place a lot of value in could be gone. And it makes me think, it makes everyone think like, okay, like if these things can be taken at any moment, why by placing my value in these things, somebody could break into my home and still something, you know, But it's about the things that are internal, the things that are relational. The things that aren't transactional are the things that are ultimately most valuable, you know, things that a gift can't provide, but a relationship can. Things that money can't buy, but a community, a connection, a deep bond can give you way more return on your investment. So it's just like it all comes back to just sitting down, sitting in silence, and just sitting with these thoughts, like why do I feel like getting a gift is going to mean so much more than me, more to me than being around the people that I love, or being around the people that are blood. And we've got to unpack those things because there's a lot of things that we've been taught. We talked, like Donnie, you talk about deep conditioning and how these ideas and these desires and these dreams are kind of, you know, forced upon us by the world we're in. And it's very easy to go with the flow and take those things in as truth and and just like this is this is what it is. This is the reality. But at the end of the day, as we start to live life, as we start to succeed and see things go our way and also see the ebbs and flows of life where things don't go our way, we don't get the things that we want. It was never really about the things anyway. You know. You see so many guys, like guys that are in the league, or people that grew up in environments where they didn't have a lot. There may not have been a lot under the Christmas tree, but they never identify with being poor or being identify with being in need. It's this internal thing that's like, hey, like I never realized it because there was love around me. There was you know, I could go out in the street and play, I could go out to the field and you know, whatever it may be. It's never really about the things that we can possess, things that we can touch, the things that you know we're hoping are under the tree. It's more so about peace of mind. It's more so about connection to the people around me. It's more so about these things that can't be touched, that can't be taken, that can't be destroyed, that are ultimately those of most value. But it takes a while, it takes circumstances, It may take even rock bottom for us to even start to fathom that that could be the truth. You know, dude, you stir up so much in me that I want to share that I really have to like use my breath to like not jump all over what you're saying, because there's just so much there. I'm thinking about Christmas and like, and this isn't to poopoo on Christmas. We'll shift it eventually and keep it light also, but it has me thinking about the conditioning that Christmas creates and what we choose to value and as you're saying this, thinking about it, and then I'm thinking, what's overlooked because all we're hyper focused on is the gift, the shiny thing that's been sitting under the tree brewing. Right. It's like I'm just thinking about I'm not a parent, but I think this will truly, this conversation will really change the way that I view it and still celebrate and use this opportunity to get close with God or whoever you choose, get close with your people and your family, like it is as spiritual as a holiday or holidays, whatever you choose to celebrate this time of the year, as you're going to get so we're not poop pooing on it, but at the bottom line is like material items are quickly forgotten, but it's like the traditions and like the special occasions that we share over the years with our family and to be able to have those meaningful conversations and feel that unconditional love, even though we might be saying that's not unconditional love. But if your family's still showing up, they're there and maybe that's all they can do. But I think by being truly present with those that matter in this time of the year, like we start to cultivate a sense of mindfulness and gratitude that gets lost amidst all the shit that's going on during the holidays. And so if this is resonating, you're still going to have to practice and prepare. And I think the holidays like to be presence over presence, you have to dial in your boundaries and prepare because sometimes going home a lot of times can be triggering. So you got to figure out, like what do I need. Presence over presents might mean you have to set some boundaries with your family on the front end so that you can be present. It might mean you've got to go stay at an Airbnb instead of your family's house. But this is the time that you get to speak your voice. And you know, maybe you've been teaching your family how to treat you, or they've had these certain expectations, but you are the you get to You're the creator of your life. So if you want to change the relationship and the dynamic with one of your family members, change you change and set those boundaries. But yeah, we got to be in a place so we can be present if we are going to go home, and you know, face what often can come up during the holidays. That's beautifully said. Man. That has me thinking on like you know, when you say presence, like what is that made up of? And like you said, there may be some dynamics with your family that may not be perfect, may not be ideal or what you'd want them to be. But I feel like your presence could mean a lot of different things. It could mean a compassionate presence. It could mean showing up and with a with an aura of acceptance for Hey, my mom and my dad, My relationship with they may not be the best. They may not have treated me the way that I would have liked to be treated as a kid, but accepting that they were doing the best with what they could. It could mean showing up with a forgiving presence. Somebody in your family may have harm you, and as you're on your journey and growing and healing, you're starting to realize that carrying that resentment, carrying that weight, carrying that hatred is no longer serving you, and that forgiving is it may not be as much about them as it is for you, and extending that forgiveness to them and letting them know that no matter what's happened, I have love for you, and that presence could show up meaning a joy presence, whereas your family members wherever we're around could be there could be a lot of complaining, There could be a lot of gossiping going on, but you standing your ground in your truth of having a presence of joy and not choosing to participate in that spending in a conversation talking about the good that you see somebody doing, the good that's going on in somebody's life. Hey, have you seen cousin so and so he's starting to turn things around, like, you know, really starting to take command in those ways and realizing that you have a voice, Your presence is worth fighting for. Your presence is no longer something that you're willing to sacrifice just to fit into the dynamic that's going on. So it could mean a lot of different things. And like Donnie said, it's got to start with how you treat yourself, because odds are, how you treat you is how you're going to treat other people at the end of the day. And I say that because I'm realizing that every day in my life, you know, the lack of foundation of self love that I had as a kid, that I'm starting to try to make up for now is probably the reason that I am silently judgmental of people sometimes that I am, you know, the abandoning of myself is probably the reason I abandoned women in relationships in the past. It's like, all those things start to come up. But yeah, at the end of the day, we always got to start with us and ask anybody else to change. We can't make anybody else change, but we can start with ourselves and allow God to do the rest. Yeah, everything you're saying, and it's I think someone listening right now might go, Okay, well, then how do you do this? How do you start? And if you just like any goal or anything that you are going to try to achieve, you would start with the appropriate chunk size, so you would start with something small. So the magic of the holidays, in fact, it's really the magic of life. Everything always happens in it the moment. It's the small moments, and so what happens is like we start to understand that life only unfolds in moments. It's moment to moment, and then if we're not present for those moments, we end up missing out on what's most valuable. In your life. So if your mind is on overdrive, this is where where our mind and body's not there, right, So somebody's standing in front of us, but we're gone elsewhere. So being present during this time of the year, it means that you're gonna have to put your phone down, you know, and practice, Like, let it be a practice and maybe you can embrace it if you really are struggling how to if you're battling with battling that this year. Yeah, man, you just said something powerful right there. I don't even think, you know, it's just the idea of like the whole basis of presence over presence is I feel like us getting to a point where we start to value moments and memories and experiences over gifts over material things. Something my wife is great at is when people come together, like create an environment where it's like whether it's a game or building a gingerbread house, competition, or doing something that brings people together, that allows people to come out of their shell, that allows them to laugh, that allows them to smile and challenge each other and talk shit like whatever it may be in an environment and because you're going to look back on that Christmas and be like it's going to be, Oh, I got the Louis Vuitton sweater, or I got Call of Duty Modern Warfare for or whatever number they're on. Now it's going to be like nah. Like the warmth that I felt in my heart around these people, it's the laughs that we shared. It's the conversations that we had out back with my cousin or my sister or my dad that we haven't sat down and bonded in that way before. It's realizing that those are the things that we should be seeking, chasing after, and you know, placing our value and our importance in because now, like I mean, I even look at myself. We're talking about this in the training room. I'm like, somebody's like, what do you want for Christmas? I don't want anything. I don't want a gift. I can't name anything. If somebody gets me a gift and it's something that is thoughtful and they recognized that I needed or could benefit from, or that would make me smile, I appreciate those. But as far as something I can't really say anything. And I feel like that would be the same whether I was still working at Sprouts or I was making the money that I'm making today. It's just those things aren't filling me up, those things aren't really doing anything in the long run that's gonna make me be like I love my life. I love everything that makes up my life. And it's about just making that shift. And it's difficult. It takes life experience. It takes maybe like that Jim Carrey quote, getting everything that you thought you ever wanted and realizing it's never enough. It may take that. It took me that, So that may be the way that some people need to arrive at that perspective. But when we do arrive at that perspective, it allows us to really allow seasons like the seasons like Christmas and holidays to really be experiences that can be fulfilling and allow us to draw closer to those around us, because at the end of the day, that's what we really want. We're meant to do life with people and to be in harmony with people and to just go about this journey together shoulder to shoulder, and when we're able to make that happen, that's when we can just that's all we want at the end of the day, is to just be like I love my life, like I fuck with my life, like do we really want anything more than that? Yeah? And the problem, I mean the issue where the problem people come up against, it's the self worth issue of like do you really think you're worthy of it? Because of course that's what we all want, but if there's issues around around self love, which obviously can can affect our presence right when we're cared about what other people think or whatever, it might be like these these are the moments that just yeah, you know, I'm just thinking about, like how all of our conversations that we have, Darren, I hope somebody listening is just a little bit more aware and maybe you can spend this holiday with a different intention and give people that gift. And that doesn't mean you got to let them talk your ear off for an hour, Like you have to use your voice and navigate and set boundaries and stay true to yourself and not abandon yourself. But it's a practice and it does. It's like it changes the game. And I think if it's like, how you do anything is how you do everything. So if that's what the holidays are all about for you, you you know, that's what your life is probably all about for you. And I'm sorry to shine that light. But that light of awareness doesn't always feel good. But what it does is it loosens the grip. So if that it does feel, that's how I was. And so it took my addiction the gift of desperation to understand that, like my whole life, I was just chasing validation. And I feel like if I wouldn't have gone through it, I probably I grew up in Scottsdale, Arizona. It's kind of a wealthy area, and I feel like I because I was so uncomfortable in my own skin. If I wouldn't have gone the addiction route, I probably just would have went material things, make as much money and have the car because of how I felt about myself. So to me, I would have really turned into like I mean, this sounds like judgment, but they what I would call like a Scott Steel douchebag. If you've ever been to Scottsdale, like you know what I'm talking about, that would have been me. But but my addiction brought me to my knees and it's streamlined what success really means to me. And that's an exercise I do with my coaching clients and it's super important to do because we're so conditioned to think what is successful or what our parents say is successful. You got to come up with your own definition. You got to get crystal clear on what that means today. Otherwise, like what's driving you? What are you chasing? Is it something from the subconscious? You know, you have to understand, like what your intention is and have these little awareness tools, whether it's taking one breath or that is going to allow you to see it and create a little bit more space so that you don't get hijacked by it. Whatever it is, it's usually this bullshit chatter in the mind that's saying things like you're not enough, who are you? Not good enough? Not fit enough? Like whatever the bullshit story is. At some point we have to say, Okay, I'm going to figure out how to quiet the noise. Whether I need to build a relationship with this voice and navigate that way like the Buddha did, or do I need to say every time I hear it? Do I need to say get the fuck out? Like whatever. You've got to have pattern interrupts so that these voices in our heads don't steal our lives and again rob us of these moments. When you know these connections that you get with family that you truly when you leave them, you don't know if you'll ever see them again. But we don't realize that when we're saying goodbye and truly giving them a hug. That's dope, man. And what you said about you know what are you chasing that is? That's so powerful man, because you know, I don't. I don't want people to think that we're just like you need to live the life of a monk, like have no things, like have like nothing nice Like there's nothing wrong with having nice things and enjoying the fruits of your labor. But like we have to ask ourselves, like how high on a pedal store are replacing these things? How much importance? How much of our headspace are is receiving things, accumulating things, taking up in our existence, taking up in our desires, Because it's unhealthy. If the accumulation of things is our greatest priority, are of the greatest importance to us? Like I said, there's I enjoy driving my tesla, I enjoy making beats with the equipment that I have, and those things are great. But if it's all about that, if my identity is in that, that's where we believe like the problem lies, like just the disconnect lies. I would say it would be a better word, because it's our spirit and the way that we show up and our authenticity and us feeling comfortable in our own skin, in our presence that allows us to be able to experience the things, enjoy the things in a healthy way. And when we've got we've got it a little bit backwards or got it a little bit twisted. That's where you know, we go down that road and get to this point where it's like, man, like I really thought these things were gonna do something for me. I really thought getting this or getting to that point or was going to be the thing that made me happy. And it's like, man, the grass is greener wherever you decide to water it, and we feel like the best place to water it is in the relationship in our lives, starting with ourselves, starting with the people around us, our family or whoever we consider family, and from there, when we have those things and those priorities that foundation laid, we can enjoy the nice things all we want, because there are things that that's exactly what they are, there to be enjoyed, but not there to be worshiped bro. I like truly feel like you're my soulmate in so many ways. When we have these conversations, it's like making me never want to have a guest again because of like where we're going with this, and well, anytime I get a chance to connect with you, but like when we go here, you know, we go back to that question you brought it up again, chasing. So if you're willing to ask yourself what am I chasing? If you can do that, the only thing you have to do after that is be honest about your answer. And if you're honest about your answer, there's going to be some information there. You just have to be honest about your answer. And if you're if if it's unclear, then you're going to have to figure out who is making those decisions or like whose voice is it, or like getting clear. It's about It isn't about gaining and acquiring. This is about shedding and letting go of all the old, broken down belief systems and all the old habits and patterns of thinking, and letting go of this resentment you have towards your mom because of what something she did twenty years ago, and you're not able to see her for who she is today. Ryan Clark, our guy. I was listening to his pivot and he, man, he like made me cry. He was talking about parenting and he said, if your parents showed up, if they just showed up, they were there for you, even if they fucked it up in many other ways. If they showed up, they were there for you. And I was like, wow, man, my dad he showed up like everywhere, every practice, every game, flew to every like playing around the Big twelve and Pack ten and like just flying everywhere. And I'm like, and he showed up, you know, And I think that's that's what I'm gonna remember, right, That's that's that's it. We just have to show up. And that doesn't mean show up in the physical and be on your phone the whole time. I don't know what it's like as a parent to have to parent a child with a phone. I feel it with my dogs, Like I neglect my dogs when I'm on my phone and they're not even bothering me. But to do it to a kid who need who is like that is what they need? Is their needs aren't being met because you're not giving them your attention. And so this is it comes, it circles back to presence. It's it's not just the relationship you have with your child, it's it's everybody. But you know, and this these are you know. This is not to poo poo on Christmas or feel like the Grinch. This is all from love. And sometimes it's not like what we want to hear, it's what we need to hear. And our hope is this that just activates more presence on maybe some shit or bringing some some light to maybe a resentment that like like why can't you Your poor parent is sitting there showing up for you, and you've got this story that something happened twenty years ago and you're still running with it and you can't see them for who they are today. You're missing you're missing life. So that has nothing to do with the other person. You've got to figure your shit out and the problem you have with that person and then bring it back to you and be willing to let it go or heal it and take the action so you can free yourself. My god, what that will bring you, man, I don't know, dude. It's like I think it's beautiful and you know, you can call it wu wu. But I think we are able to do this in yoga, and it feels like it's just channeling right, Like I don't know. To me, this is like God and spirit guiding this conversation. Sometimes people in yoga, I'm like, I don't know where that shit's coming from. It's something bigger than me. And I feel like I can get there with you here on the podcast, so I know we're right where we're supposed to be. Oh yeah, no doubt. And speaking of people being right they're supposed to be, if you don't feel like you're truly in tune or in alignment with your presence or what you would like your presence to be in this time in this season, we just wanted to extend compassion and love to y'all. Like that's that's okay. I don't have that figured out, neither does anybody else, but it's just being on that path to grow and to enjoy your presence, to love the presence that you have and to see it continue to grow and continue to radiate positivity, continue to radiate love and acceptance and enjoy like over time, as you get to become the parent in these times or the grandparent in these times and the wisdom that you've accumulated along the way, you can continue to pass that on to somebody and you can encourage your grandchildren one day that you know you hear to talk about Jesus is the reason for the season. If that may not be your reason for the season, let let's let's find one. And when we do find it, let's find a gentle way to encourage the people in our lives to find their reason as well. And at the end of the day, that reason is a lot of reason is connection. That reason is, you know, enjoying life with and enjoying the people that you're doing life with. And however, whatever it takes for us to get there, the tools that we need, whether it's therapy, whether it's whatever it may be, we hope that you guys would know that at the end of the day, it's going to be fulfilling. That's going to be the gift, the present that you thought would fill that void. It's going to come in a completely different package. But we just promise you that it'll be worth it. The work is worth it, and you can't do it alone. As you're walking through all that, I'm like, yes, this is like everything that I coach, you know, I'm like, this is what I do. And then immediately I'm like, so if you're listening, I immediately want to like my mind wants to self promote, but then my like wanting to diminish is like, oh, don't talk about your coaching on here. But I'm thinking about how many people in my life that coactively. It's not like I'm a teacher in my coaching, I'm working with the coaching client coactively. I believe that everybody has the answers already within them, so I might teach things, but this is more about being able to listen and hold space and trust that they actually have the answers. And the magic is actually sifting through the shit and figuring it out and going into those dark places that we avoid and try to really understand that like at the center of that, at the center at the wound, like that's where our freedom lies. And so these are the things that we dive into and it sets you free. Like you you're talking about, it's what you value, and maybe you just haven't got clear on what your values are, and maybe your value system is outdated and it's still the same value system you had as a twelve year old when you were hyped up about Christmas. But if you take time to do an inventory and actually look at where you're at, you can shift and you can pivot, but you have to be willing to You have to see the value in it. I mean, you know, the money objection. For me as a coach, it's like, oh, they just don't value it. I had to completely change my energy and my story around money and understand that it's just what they value. So when they say they can't do it, or they whatever the objection is, it doesn't matter and they just don't value it, you know. And it's like when somebody doesn't agree with my belief on something, I don't need to try to convince them otherwise I can just see it as they value something different than me. And I'm telling you, when you know who you are, and you know who you're will you know what your values are and you make every decision from that value system. You can ever make the wrong decision because you have a system for decision making that you're making decisions from your heart, and so the heart is always going to guide you to love. The work is to chip away all the shit that's getting in the way of it, and I think that is our purpose in life, you know, man facts. So you know, as we wrap this up, we hope that you guys are able to experience the gift this holiday season of loving yourself, of the gift of having people around you that you love and that love you, and that you're just able to take in that moment fully and present exactly as it is and nothing more or nothing less. So in this holiday season, no matter what is transpiring, no matter what's going on, take a deep breath, be grateful, thankful that you have this time, that you are alive at this time, that you're able to spend it with people, and that you're able to show up exactly as you are, as who you are, and to let your presence be felt by those around you. And we're praying for that for you guys this holiday season. As we head into twenty twenty four, Let's finish the year the right way. Let's finish the year strong, Let's finish the year with love, reflecting on memories experiences that we've had and allowing those to propel us forward into the future that hey, twenty twenty four could very well be the year that could absolutely change your life and those around you. So I hope you guys are grateful, hope you guys are excited for this holiday with your people, and just another we're right there with you. Yeah, man, twenty twenty four will change your life. And it's like, how much control do you want to take of that? By figuring out what practices are going to allow you to see what you can control in whatever you're trying to drive towards, and then just go towards that. And you know, there's a saying race horses where blinders for a reason. And so if there's a vision and you have it like and you have your values in line, you can't set goals and you can't set boundaries if you don't know your values, because your values are they're the filter system there you make your decisions based on it. You can't set boundaries you don't know what your boundaries are because when a value gets stepped on, you don't even know. But if you know what your values are, when one gets stepped on, right, you know a boundaries been crossed. So take time, you know, if you don't have the resources, go online and say, how do I figure out my core values? And be willing in twenty twenty four to just level it up a little bit detached from the outcome of whatever goals you're going to set, and then that's going to allow you to like really be in the process and like give yourself the gift of presence, and not only for the holidays, but for this whole next year. It really is the gift that keeps on giving. So we love you, Darren. I love you, dude. I love these conversations. I value these like more than anything in the world because my core value is meaningful relationships. And Dude, the one I have with you is, like, you know, it's at the top. Bro right back at you, dog. I love you, Love all you guys. Enjoy this holiday season. We'll see you guys soon. Peace. Comeback Stories is a production of Inflection Network and iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts.